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So, I'm probably going through one of the most trying times of my life right now. I've had my ups and downs and I don't always handle them well. But I feel myself reaching a breaking point.

We haven't had phone or internet for almost a month now and they wants $500.

We haven't had hot water for 3 weeks and we were supposed to have it turned back on Friday. But mom overdrew her bank account and racked up $200 in overdraft fees. They want $336.

Our electric is getting shut off in a few days if we don't pay $142.

I tried getting a job at a place I can walk to, but I haven't heard from them.

I tried getting my license, but there were no appointments available to take the test before my temps expire on Monday. So, I have to wait until I have an extra $20 to go take those again.

I will be 21 in 27 days and I will probably spend it alone.

I've been trying to make myself a better person, starting on the inside. It's been an emotionally trying time, but I'm trying to do the right thing.

I talked to my boyfriend of 7 months long distance for 10 minutes a day this past week because I wasnt able to go to the library and my prepaid phone went through minutes fast when I was trying to find a place to take the test for my license.

Now, here I am, at the library after a weeks time and he'd rather take care of his friends than me. He says his friends need him and he needs to be there for them. The same fight and battle since we first met. I always feel like I'm second place. He will always go to his friends when they need him. I tell him I need him to myself. I've cried every night this week worrying about the affect it will have on him because of how little time we got to each other. Now I have practically a whole day to spend with him and he's not even here.

I'm at my breaking point emotionally. I can't handle the stress of money anymore. I can't handle the stress of my boyfriend not wanting to be around me. I can't handle any of this anymore. I don't know what to do, honestly. Give up? Break down? When do you come to the point where you decide enough is enough...?

Is it so much to desire a hot shower and a filling meal and not feel guilty for having it? Is it asking too much to ask what little time you have to spend with me? -sighs- I don't know anymore..