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mavenofmystery's musings
This is a journal of my journey in this life. I'm seeing a therapist right now so don't get too worried about what you might read.
I missed my session with my therapist last Friday. I was having panic attacks and was too anxious to leave my apartment. I pretty much stayed in all weekend. Anxiety can be such a b***h, it's hard to live with. I was so bold as a kid all the way up to young adult. I guess I started really getting scared in my thirties. I was way too involved in a cult-like church. Gave over my independence and everything. All the while feeling so inadequate as a Christian. I never felt right with God and it all seemed like a big cosmic joke on me. You know, do everything you can to have a right relationship with God and then when your time is up you find out that you never were on the path to heaven. You find out that God really didn't love you or that you never were truly right with God. Then the floor disappears and you are falling down a chute straight into hell. Maniacal laughing chasing you down that hole and you land with a terrible bump right into the dark, damp, steamy, misty and humid swamp of hell. Demons all jumping around the newest arrival, poking with their pointed prods, laughing and snorting and general elation as one sharing their misery.

Dang! I guess I'm a little "out there" today.

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