When mother disappeared almost seven years ago my sister and I were told that she had died. We weren't told how, weren't told when- we were given no specifics at all and I was quick to learn not to ask any questions. Still, my father's determined silence and the sense of taboo that often filtered over any mention of the late Fire Lady didn't stop me from wondering. Didn't stop me from thinking, worrying, blaming.
The truth was, I didn't know who to blame, I knew no specifics afterall. So often, as I'd sit alone in front of the turtleducks with a single loaf of bread clasped in a white-knuckled grip my mind would wander and usually I'd find some way to rest the blame on my own shoulders. Her last words were afterall 'Everything I've done I've done for you,' and they echoed in my head during those painful silences. Perhaps I had done something wrong and she had paid the price? Perhaps she'd been ill and had suffered in silence rather than sacrifice my blissful ignorance? I had no real idea and my theories, each as unlikely as the last, sure showed it.
Linger as much as I did on those depressing ideas, they didn't mask the insecurity, the fear and loneliness that had become such an integral part of my life in the Fire palace. She had been the only true comfort there, been the only true warm thing in a place that should have been [both figuratively and literally] stifling with the comforting heat a real family would provide and without her I was left cold. Cold, afraid, shunned and unwanted. Azula didn't care, except to knock me down and father had always been [and despite my hopes to the contrary] and always would be, indifferent. I had no real friends either, the few acquaintances I had made too afraid to say one wrong thing, too pleasantly fake to be taken seriously and like I said, I had no real family left. [Uncle Iroh had been distant for a while and couldn't, despite his sad attempts, fill the void left behind.]
Nevertheless, I tried to live on just as I had when she'd been there but the quiet walks in the gardens were just too silent with only one sound of footsteps and feeding the turtle ducks just wasn't as gratifying when there wasn't a warm hand around your shoulder... I wasn't allowed to mourn either. No, crying was a sign of terrible weakness I came to realize soon after breaking down in frustration during a training session and I never did it again, except for the especially lonely days when all was dark and I was alone, in my room.
Even worse perhaps than this, was the slow way her presence began to fade. Her smell, once so strong, familiar and vibrant was replaced with the customary and just as familiar smell of smoke and fire. The flowers that would brighten up the family library- the one's she went out to pick herself from the gardens, wilted. Eventually gone altogether. The large tapestry in the hallway, once depicting a family of four was removed and replaced with one of only three figures. A man and a girl with cold, cruel smiles, and a boy; alone and sad. And finally, when the family beach-house down near Ember Island was boarded up for good and her room stripped of all her possessions, I knew she was gone for good. She had faded and it was almost like she had never existed in the first place.
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A Prince's Journal
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Zuko Prince of Fire
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Dads going to kill you,no really he is...
Take my word for it, I heard every thing
Grandfather said that dad's punishment should fit his own crime
"You must know the pain of loosing a first born son."
I'm only telling you for your own good Zuko.
*swings on the bed post*
I know maybe you can find a nice Earth kingdom family to adopt you.