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What Gaia has done for me...
.... Alot..... Gaia literally changed my perspective on life, because i can be here and forget the real world for hours at a time. And when i'm done for the day, I look out towards my real life surroundings and sometimes dread it. Why can't the would be like Gaia? Why can't we imagine something.... then actually DO IT seconds later?
I can't answer those questions. Sadly enough.
Gaia gave me freinds. They couldn't judge me at all because all they knew about me, is what I told them. And even though later on, after we got closer, they began to know everything about me, they never looked at me any less. After these 2 and some years of being a Gaian, I have grown and learned so much from Gaia. I made people mad, sad, happy, and irritated, some times all at once. I've made them laugh, cry, beg, and even ignore me at times also. But most of all... I made them..... No.... ALOWED them to care. For me. Even when things we my fault, and they usually were, there was always at least one person who would stand up for me. And for that.... I wish I could do more for those people. I admit... I was the most ignorrant, idiotic, arrogant, selfish, self centered, a*****e my freinds had up here. I was a p***k.... hell, i was THE p***k. But.... even if you ask them all.... I had my moments when i would take a second and think before I spoke, and when i did, after every situation I put them threw... when I did speak.... for that moment... and that moment alone.... everything seems okay.... Because when the source of most of your problems cooperates, there is a stillness in the air, and everyone that was planning on trying to fix the problem suddenly thinks...... 'What happens now?'
To Tears of Jade: Naomi... You were my first ever PM RP partner, and now you are my only. I met you in my first RP back in 2006 of May, and I will never forget that day. Thank you for all that you have taught me, as we both shared or real world situaitions in our RPs.
To Cool Chick12: Triz.... Umm..... well...... I am really sorry. How we met was akward, but all in all, we were supposed to meet. Beleive it or not, you have taught me more than I have even treid to teach you, outside of RPing that is. I still care about you. Don't forget that.
To Usaga: Usaga Sensei: Your first words of wisdom that I received from you from 2006 still are with me.-"You can always win using what you know, no matter if your opponent is more knoledgable. Its all in how you use your knowledge that detemines the outcome of the situation.'..... Sensei, I misinterpreted your words. I understood, I beleive, but what I mean is I used them the wrong way. I used my knowledge to manipulate people, and deliberatly cause trouble, in and out of Gaia. And for that, i am sorry. Gomenne, Usaga Sensei, Gomennesai. Never again will I twist your words of wisdom, if I ever receive them again.
To Stainless Essence: Lets face the true crime of the true facts. At some point in the time of knowing each other, we both hatted one another at the same time. You hatted me regardless any way. You hatted me BEFORE i knew you. Now isnt that some crap? You had a valid reason for hatting me most of the time.... 99% of the time. But don't think because of all of that, I didn't learn from you, Essence. I watched you carefully, and the way you treated me comparred to the rest of the guild was beyond fair. When you spoke to me, you chose your words carefully. I love how you would try to get me to come back at you with words that should give you a reason to brand me for life. I love how you like to prove a point. And once proven, you bask in the excellency of your accomplishment.... I wanted to be like you sometimes, you know? Thats right, Corrik wasn't the only person I was sweating. Essence, whether you would admit it (Over your cold, dead body) or not, you were the one who trully showed me tuff love, and its easy how I could see it as hate. But, just want to let you know--- I "hate" ..... you too....
To Aim: You know what I love about you? You never looked down on me. But you always brought me up. In a 'certain' situation a couple of years back, I screwed up real bad. We practicully went to hell and back in three hours, and you still said nothing but kind words to me. YOU ARE SO ******** COOL!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much. That about sums it up.
To Corrik: Dude........................ Every thing I did........ All the words I said...... All the pain I caused that you had to mend...... all the times you stood up for me when I damn sure didn't deserve it....... all the times you wanted to talk and I wanted to argues..... all the times I cried out of frustration because i didn't deserve you as a freind........ And to top it off... Me not being able to see you as my better... me being jealous of who you are and how people see you.......... I .... am SO....... sorry.......
And last but not the least....
To Glewen:............................ The game........ that we both played up till now..... is over. I gave up a while back, but now I'm making it official. You win. The prize: My heart. I found it while searching inside myself. Now i know that it will be in good hands......
.........Glewen......
....... I apologized alot in the entry, and I meant it all. But.... I mean it the most for you. I am trully, and utterly sorry for EVERYTHING.... that I have done to you. I took pleasure out of manipulating you, making you feel so many emotions towards me at once. You were right. I attacked you, especially while you were weak. And I liked it. I was evil. I even tried to rationalize things by saying "She has all my light, I have no choice but to be the darkness." ............. I didn't prove that i loved you. But what I did show was that I needed you.... in a bad way. that i needed some one to toy with. Some ones head to play with. That was you. You were the perfect victim. So innocent, yet so convenient. You were just.... there.....
I was wrong...... And the best thing I can do is apologize.... but no matter how much I do, it wont be enough.
....I'm so sorry that it hurts...... now I have tears in my eyes.... I haven't cried in a long.... LONG time....... So thats what I will do for you ..... I will cry with no shame of it..... And it will all be for you.
Jetsu, outs.
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