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Language Arts essay~ Adelheide Frankenbugguh immigrant child |
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Sorry if there's confusion, most of these are inside jokes... ><
Immigrant Child-Adelheide Frankenbugguh
I, Adelhiede Frankenbugguh, skipped along the side walk, passing all of the sad faces of broken-hearted women who lost their husbands and children in raids, all of the homeless with their children and pets, and the old crazy lady, butchering all the cats of Krakow, Poland in 1934.
I sighed as my little tummy grumbled like no Manana. In search for food, I started sprinting. I love to sprint, with the wind in my long blonde hair and the sun gleaming in my blue eyes. But there is one problem when I run. I trip and fall over anything within a 5 inch radius. Today the victim was a little Weiner dog. Dazed and confused with the Weiner dog gnawing on my little orphan leg, I looked up to see the worn out sign of a local meat pie shop. ‘Yummy’ I thought with ravenous hunger.
Five minutes later, after I slurped and burped my stolen meat pie, me and my tummy were satisfied. As soon as I started to close my eyes for a nap, I heard a shriek from inside the shop.
“Ver is meh MEAT PIE?!” a perturbed Hitler screamed and shouted while stomping his feet like a little child.
I froze where I was and got up slowly, tip toeing towards the exit with the doggy following me.
“YOU! Little girl and Viener dog! DID YOU STEAL MEH MEAT PIE?!”
I was already out the door, sprinting with the wind in my hair, the sun gleaming in my blue eyes, a little Wiener dog chasing after me , and Hitler’s guards seeking revenge for the meat pie.
Eventually the guards got tired and stayed behind only to receive a beating from their master (Hitler). Meanwhile I, Heidi, and my new little bandit Weiner dog stowed away on some random ship. We weren’t caught so we walked around the ship, marveling at the craftsmanship of the deck and such.
gI was eager to familiarize about the ship and where it’s headed, since I haven’t ever been on a ship before in my life! We circled the ship in search for it’s Captain. Eventually, Weiner dog and I finally found the Captains head quarters.
We tap tapped on the door and eventually it opened. There standing in front of us was a very short and disturbed munchkin-like thing.
“Hello. My name is Paul Bennet. My really cool Pre-Algebra students call me Beano. Anyways, yeah I’m short and stupid! GET OUT OF MY QUARTERS!!!” With that he kicked his trash can against the wall and slammed the door shut.
Puzzled, we wandered around the ship until we stopped at a hot dog stand. Literally, dogs on fire, impaled on a stick. The crazy lady cackled and turned them on the spit, the little Weiner dog yelping and whimpering in fear.
“Do you know where this grand ship is heading?” I said.
The old lady squatted down to find her half eaten shoe and replied with her frog-like voice, “Over to Gum Drop Land.”
So me and WD (Weiner dog) sat on deck and slept the remainder of the day, breathing in the salty sea air.
The sun set leaving a purple and pink haze in the near night sky. Pondering in my sleep, I wondered about my fate.
‘Well I am an orphan. No ones gonna care if I’m gone. So I’ll just go somewhere else and start over from my life as a meat pie thief.
I could barely wait to go wherever I was heading. I may of not known where I was about to go, but I was sure it was gonna be adventurous.
Sunday morning, I woke up a little sleepy when the Schutzstaffel poked their guns at me. (Schutzstaffel {SS}-Hitler’s “protection squad”)
‘The SS?’, I thought and then said, “Hitler’s personal Strip and Lap Dancers?”
“No stupid girl, ve are his personal guards! We have come to put an end to your meat pie piggness and your little Weiner dog too!” With one swipe of their guns they smacked me, a sweet little girl, on the head with their pistols, and I fell unconscious.
I finally woke up to see myself in an under ground dungeon with only a small window for light and air. I was in chains, very parched, and very VERY hungry. ‘I could use another meat pie right about now…’ I thought to myself.
So I died. All alone in the room with no idea where I was. The End.
Just kidding. Tee-hee, you should of seen the look on your faces. Anyways back to the story.
I lied there, tears glistening down my cheeks. I had no idea where I was or where the doggy went. He was no where in sight. I was startled as I heard the door unbolt. In came Adolf Hitler, the leader of the Natzi’s with an older man in glasses following behind him.
“Where am I?” I demanded with frustration.
“My underground base in Saint George, Utah. But enough of zat. Tell me about yourself. ARE YOU AN AMERICAN SPY?!”
“No you merciless cry baby, I’m pure blooded German and proud!”
“ZEN VYE DO YOU STEAL ZE MEAT PIE????”
“I’LL NEVER TELL YOU!!!”
“Fine then… I’ll just have Spainhower extract the info from you. Spainy. Commence torturing.”
The man with the glasses and a crooked smile on his face reached behind him, grabbing a torture device. He then put the puppet on his hands.
“WORSHIP THE CHRISTMAS DOG!!! BARK BARK BARK!!!”
“ NOOOOOOOOO!!! I’LL NEVER GIVE UP! NEVER SURRENDER!!!”
He chuckled and opened a cage, with dozens of pigeons flying out, ripping and eye gouging poor me. The birds chuckled and screamed:
“OH, DID THAT HURT??? I’M SORRY, MAYBE WE’RE CLAWING TOO DEEP!!!” When they were finished they flew off, leaving me bruised and injured badly.
“Umm Hitler, I think we over did it.” Spainhower whispered as he saw the damage that the birds did.
“Nonsense, she iz all taken care of. Nothing to worry about, I’ll finish ze job.” With that, he pointed his gun at me and I thought for sure I was a goner, when Spain jumped in front of me and kicked Mr. Hitler where it hurts. Seriously, he kicked pretty hard, I was surprised that the man was still alive. In fact the kick was so hard, it got Spainy limping. Both dudes fell to the ground and started throwing punches at each other.
“There’s an exit to the right, when you open the door you should see the outside and a Mcfonald’s!” Mr. Spainhower grumbled as Hitler’s 2nd punch landed.
“YOU TRAITOR!!! I KNEW I SHOULD ‘AVE NEVER TRUSTED EBAY!!!!” He cried as he was getting a wet willy.
I raced out of there, running for my life, and was so relieved when I made it outside. I could feel the chill of the night in my bones, and all I wanted to do was get out of this crappy place. I wandered around and looked at all the buildings. Bums were on the street, asking me over and over if I had any work for them. I actually heard about this in a Newspaper. Something about America’s stock market crashing and everyone getting depressed. The Great Depression I think it was called. Well I felt sorry for the people so I patted them on the head.
They all stared at me weird and muttered something in English. I just shrugged off, to find a place to sleep for the night. I ended up sagging into an abandoned warehouse, drunk off of sleepiness. I fell asleep and the next thing I knew, I was inside one crazy dream.
I could barely remember what it was about… but I recall some monkey-lizard telling me to shove it, and saying all these obscenities… and then getting wasted and telling me I could speak English. Which was irrational since I only knew how to speak German. Then he flew off into Veggy world… and I was murdered by a man named Bruce Thompson.
I woke up in a blur, swatting imaginary buggies away. I was extremely energetic, but hungry so I decided to get a bite to eat. I walked over to the McFonalds and this freakishly huge dude who spoke German took my order.
“Hi. I want some Meat pies.” I exclaimed.
“We don’t carry meat pies.” He groaned.
“Well, do you by any chance have some Brunnlitz?”
“The only foreign food we have here is potatoes, and those come from Idaho.”
“Oh. Well I’ll take some fries please.”
“Okay, pick your own potato.” He then showed a bunch of potatoes in a barrel. A screaming, twitching potato was on the top.
“NOOO!!! DON’T EAT ME!!! I’M CRAZY INSANE AND INSANE CRAZY! I’M PACO!!!” It said.
“I’ll take that one then.” I pointed, watching it writhe in pain as it was sliced in half. Potato juice squished out of him and that was the end. No more stupid short stories.
“He was getting annoying anyway.” Said the man.
In about a half an hour I was gulping down my fresh French fries, getting a little stomach ache from all the craziness.
I felt that I had conquered the world by escaping from Hitler, and I was happy. Happy knowing that I was still alive. I would live in the warehouse, and learn English from a tutor. Then I was going to have my own meat pie shop and sell meat pies till I grew old and senile. Then I would die happily, with a meat pie in hand.
‘Yeah, when World War 2 happens.’
“Huh? Who said that?”
‘Your new stomach. Say hello to PACO!!!’ said Paco, reincarnated as my stomach.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!” I screamed.
The End.
())--%-- Kyyaaaa!!! I made a rose!!! X3   Ai_Kurosaki · Wed May 14, 2008 @ 10:26pm · 0 Comments |
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