My marriage is ended now. His disinterest in helping me try to concieve was one of the many reasons that I left him. Not that I was likely to concieve. Doctors told me that it was very unlikely I would ever be able to.
I just don't get my period. Well, once every other year. Last year I had it twice. It was so heavy that I fainted from bloodloss. I guess that is what happens when your uterine lining build up, but doesn't shed.
Its given me all sorts of hormonal problems. Facial hair underneath my chin (of which I am ashamed). My mammary glands had to be removed, scarring both my breasts.
I do not feel like a woman. I feel like an excuse for a woman, a half woman. There is only one person who has ever made me feel any differently, but he is not here right now.
Will I ever concieve by extreme measures? It will be a long time before I get to even try. Is adoption even in the question? Not right now. There is nothing for me right now. Not even a ******** period.
I really need to go see the doctor about that.
*sigh*
That breedable pet shop that I wrote about earlier had an auction today. I bid everything I had. I wish I had more, I would give it all. My heart sank as I watched the bids. I cried. I just couldn't compete. Then I started thinking about how ridiculous it was to feel so emotionally attached to the possibility of something. Of living vicariously through gaia.
I can't help but feel I am being very unhealthy. I remember working in a nursing home, with a psyche patient who tried to breast feed her stuffed animals. Am I going to end up that way? Is this the same thing?
Why does this hurt so much? It shouldn't. Dissapointing, yes. Devastating, no.
I am devastated.
Judyfay Sins made me this picture to try to cheer me up. It made me cry because it was a beautiful gesture. Thank you sweetheart, this pic is very special.
Community Member
I hate it that you feel like this. I did too for a long time. I know all those feelings and everything. I understand the issues (I have the same problems). But I think that it will happen.
Look at me. I am 28, I alreayd had a failed marriage. I was ready to give up on life untill I met David. He was just a really good friend at first (he had a girlfriend he had been dating for 5 years).
Now we are going to have a baby. My life plan had me having my second right now, not my first.
But I promise you I will do everything I can to help you when your time comes. And it will.
We all go thru a "Mother Goddess" phase, even if we are not the physical mother of a baby. But I believe that you will be. And you will be in my thoughts (And i will light a candle for you if you want).
P.S. If you need anything just ask. I will do what I can and bully others into doing what I can't.