It's amazing how easy it is to let your mind wander off course. especially in pre-cal. especially when it's after lunch.
Ahem. Displayed here is a short excerpt from my thoughts:
wahmbulance why Why WHY WHY WHY?!
Do i want to talk to him? ...maybe...yes. no, no. yes. no....yes
Should I? no. i donno. yes? maybe if i-no. no no no. but-
What does he think? Does he even think of me? DId he read the notebook? was he mad? not mad? what was he thinking when he read it?
should somebody shoot me? yes. yes, definitely.......ok, im too young to d--
*bam*
Reaching out
To what can't be touched
hmm. i should turn that into a poem.
Xavier called me emo. He says because i didnt do my math homework. I am depressed though. No, not from the hw. but my suckish life. I don't know how to describe how i feel but i feel. empty. like...missing. and very 'meh' about life. i'm slacking in all of my classes. which is not me and i will pay dearly for it.
even in english, Albright (my teacher) noticed i wasnt doing anything and asked if i was going to do anything. i shook my head. Sam told albright it wasnt my day and that's right, i aint doin nothin.
It's just hard to take in that i meant so little to him. I would take his torture, his burden, almost anything to make him happy. i would give my frickin life for this kid
and i mean so close to nothing to him?
UNscrupulous world this is. Indeed.
Evergreen has helped me more than she knows. she's patient. kind. understands me. the situation. has a grasp of what to do. how long will you be there for me? Will you last a true friend, unlike me and my moronic pitiless pathetic stupid self?
I deserve to eat dust.
Later on, i try to get some shut eye cus well im too gloomy and blah to do anything. so i lay my head down and shut out the world and it's weird. i see...like a mirage painting...thing. the word escapes me. pink and yellow sky like dusk. must be sunset only theres no sun in the picture. and the bottom layer is green. like a field of grass. and slowly it's starts whirling. it spins faster and faster and faster until i force it to a slow whirl again but i cant stop it or change the picture so i get up. i turn to evergreen and say what happened and she says, "...i dont know what to say to that," so i say ok and attempt my assignment/hw that anderson just passed out.
Is anderson married? if so does he have children? what is his family like? was anderson picked on as a kid? is it true he has a tattoo or was he joking?
anyway. forget anderson. So i dont get the math homework as expected. I ask for help and no one does anything. they help each other, oh yes. but me? i am invisible. they dont even acknowledge my existence. not even evergreen who occasionally complains about how ppl treat her as invisible. it's like i wasnt there. well...my mind wasnt really there...but still. i dont get the math. it befuddles me.
errgrawrsquashbucklemwraor
Ok, i ask ave for help and he replys with this frustrated uncaring as if he's not really listening and doesnt want to tone, "I dont know". then minutes later, Eva asks for assistance and he goes to her almost immediately and helps her out step by friggin step. i shoot daggers at them both.
ha. i just noticed. ave. eva. how cute. Not.
i'll have you know i have nothing against the 2 of them and they are both great great kick a** ppl but my pessimistic sadistic angsty mustshootsomething mood is in overdrive. So please pardon me and anything nasty i may say. If youre lucky, i dont really mean it. in most cases i dont. yay, youre lucky.
You know what was cool about today? well, not really but it was to me. i had my hair down but i wore a white headband that matched with my outfit. anyway. with the way my hair looked on my shadow it looked like it belonged to a disney princess. seriously. and cus it's all big but it was straight-ish until it curled and twirled and waved at the bottom. like it was total disney. Cindy agreed. and Talar saw it but she still thinks i was out there. which i am, most times. it was like ariel's hair combined with aurora aka sleeping beauty's.
thoughts in the drs office while im not trying to listen to mum talk or reading fullmetal alchemist vol 3 (which i finished daniela. next please!):
i wonder if daniel saw it. Would he think it was nice like the last time he said it was gorgeous. did he think it was poofy like i did? would he care? Why do i care? oi vei.
Song: Not One of Us/Love will find a way/He lives in you-Lion King 2
Mood: domokun confused
Hey, you know what i just noticed? Lion King and Lion King 2 have my fav kind of romance stories. ha!
like in lion king the scenario is childhood best friends/partners in crime/inseparable/little rascals/what have you evolves into luuuuuuve.
in lion king 2 it's the enemies/opposites/forbidden/unfathomable attraction/feisty/explore new worlds/you know what kind of story.
so my 2 fav love story scenarios are in 2 of my classic favs.
cool
Cora Jem Hyte Community Member 
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