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I could tell you of a story that's more of a dream or I can tell you the truth,that is of me.It's not that bad but these things in my opinion shouldn't happen to anybody.I was told to keep my head up high and that things could always be worse,which I know they could.Sometimes I feel selfish for complaining but if others can complain,I should be given the right as well,right? _______________________________________________________
My story starts in Virginia where I was born and where my father left me,my mother,and my sister.Left us for some other woman and only coming to the hospital to make sure my mother wouldn't use his last name as mine.My mother soon moved to where she knew someone that'd help her and later on she was hired as a nail technician.I'll tell you some things about her and then I'll go on with this story.See,my mother was borned in Thailand with no money and was the oldest of her siblings.She had to drop out of school at a young age to help her mother and my grandmother in the rice fields to make money.My mother has always put her family first before her own needs and took care of them and is still taking care of them now by sending over money whenever she's able to.She was brought over here by a friend in hope of making money to help out her family more.She came here not knowing the language,had no money,and had no assistance but the woman who brought her here.Soon my mother met some man,my older sister's father,and was pregnant a while after.The woman told her to bring the baby back home but my mother said no and stayed here.The man had left her and she searched some more for work and soon found some help.The lady had gone back to Thailand already.She soon met my father and well back to the story I guess.Okay,from there,my mom was introduced to a man that is now my step-father.He seemed nice and he was in and out.They got married but my mother didn't bore another daughter until August 5,2003.Oh and I forget to tell you my other sister's birthday is October,26.He changed a while after,he was a bit harsher as me and my sister grew up.He would hit us once in a while and pretty hard but not like we got bruises;it just made me feel weak and this is an important part for later.My mother and him would have fights about it and a few years later he stopped.School,boy oh boy,school was nice I guess.I beat up boys,was made fun of,and crushed.I liked a few boys but wasn't ever liked back.This is maybe an important part as well.I really liked them and thought that I had chances of being liked back and feeling important but instead what I received was a slap in the face and a pond full of tears.Skip,skip,skip.There was one year where I liked this boy and for some reason couldn't help but like him even though he hadn't liked me back and actually liked my best friend.It hurt,big time.I liked him the whole year and figured he'd come around but he never did.I cried the most that year cause I felt stupid and it definately made me feel alone,unwanted,ugly,disappointed.I just wanted someone to be with like most girls to make me feel good and to reassure that I was worth it.He didn't like me,want me so I felt unwanted and I started caring about what others thought about how I looked which made me very disappointed in myself.I would write down that he'll like me but as the year passed by,I was just in pain from watching as he flirted with others and pity me.I'm over that now but there is a part of me that looks back and I regret everything that I did,thought,and said.Skip,skip,skip.Now this year,wow,this year has been,maybe the worse or not.I started caring that I had not a real father and I asked quite a sum of questions about him which made my mother feel bad and she started saying "I Love You" more often as if I might fade away.I start thinking differently,too.And...I even got beat up.See,these girls didn't like me because I was different and because I was asian and because they're just shallow.The feeling I had the whole time I just covered my head and was rolled up in a ball being kicked and pulled by my hair and just hit,I felt so vulnerable,weak,and stupid.I didn't hit back,I just cried.I don't ever want to feel that way again and I hope that I won't have to go through that again.I was out of school for a while and the whole time,I felt disappointed,scared,and regretted not hitting back.It was a real emotional roller coaster.When I was back,they came back,too.Months have passed and I felt much better but still,I wonder if it might happen again.This year has changed me into someone that sees the world for what it is and see things and people and places just different from before.I've never felt as lonely,hurt,and weak as this year and I just want to get out of where I live.I'm afraid that I won't be successful,I'll disappoint my mother,and that I won't patch myself up and figure out where my life is going. ____________________________________________________
Well,I guess that's it.Bye...
-Suwanee- · Thu Apr 03, 2008 @ 10:32pm · 0 Comments |
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