Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I cant sleep tonight. Its 12:22am. So much has happened in such a short period of time with someone i deeply care for. Last month, i was struggling a 5 year state of mind: All women are shady. But just in 4 months....she has slowly but surely picked off that barrier. Where does this understanding and undying patience come from...i wonder...Silence with her now becomes peace, not paranoia or other negative thoughts. When she sighs and wraps me in her arms, she slowly heals me. This love is food to my mind, and i will eventually hunger again for it. Good grief! Have i gone poetic?! Anywho. lol

Tonight, i drove home after being with her....i noticed...i wasn't grinding my teeth...my shoulders were relaxed...my mind is at peace. I am naturally a pessimistic person, but i can now see my moods fluctuate like night and day in seconds. I am changing. I no longer become nervous around her, i am growing more carefree day by day, as if she was melting away all the bad things that occured with my previous ex's. I want to know so much about her, i'm dying with curiousity....what she thinks, what she likes, what she dislikes, what her goals are, what her hobbies are, what she does under certain situations, who and what she secretly desires the most.

Why have i grown so much to like her under such a short time. I dont know. She has given me a greater sense of direction and motivation to better myself so she can like me more. And i've never had the greater volition to change for anyone but for myself. Until now. Love gives one a complete disreguard to one's own being, giving an understanding of selflessness. I was afraid just shy of two weeks, she can crush my heart if she wanted to. And i held that paranoia within me for so long. As if i was already used to it, expecting it, timing it, planning for it so as not to break down too harshly. But what seemed completely expected didnt. Eccentric even, to the point that i had no where to hide...I was always defenseless, and scared. Now, i open myself to her, fully aware of what the consequences may/may not be. Her mother has my respect, she has brought up her daughter very well. I am proud and honored to have her by my side. She's awesome to hang around, her name is Jessie.

Not only does she have a beautiful mind, she is also physically amazingly beautiful. She's eye candy just to look at, its interesting to say the least. Her long wavy hair, her light brown eyes and eye lashes, the way they intersect when she closes her eyes. AND FRECKLES! Wow am I a sucker for freckles. Thats hot. She has a well-defined nose, not too fat, not too smal and the bridge is smooth, not rigid or bulgy. Her lips, there's nothing i can say in detail that would do any kind of justice, just simply beautiful. I have a new hobby added to my list: kissing them. I'm falling in love with the same girl....all over again. For the last month and a 1/2, i have seen her every day. I have not grown tired nor will i ever grow tired of her. And this is only our 4th month together. 4 MONTHS! To her eyes, if i'm amazing...then what does that make her?

Jessie, if you are reading this. SHAME ON YOU!! WHO TOLD YOU TO READ MY JOURNAL!! AAAH?! scream If not, well.....she shall be punished either way. 3nodding