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I'm stressed, bit depressed and very nervous. Lack of motivation is shaking grounds of my castle and making me lazy. I know it makes our trainers disappointed, they've both supported me a lot and they were happy for my activity. Now I can't find same energy to get up at the morning and get my gear on. I've still got lot to learn and new welding prosess going on but I just can't help feeling frustrated. Only four days to go and I know it's impossible to learn new technique in that time. There's no point, not actually. It's always good to know basics but my profession is going to be so different.

I've always hated school, not for studing but for people. But I like it here. They're all mature and adults, I don't have to put up with pre-teens and hormone bombs. I've fought enough already. I don't want to fight for every inch. Now I'm only fighting for myself, not to prove myself to others. And I've learned much more than I imagined. I dare to say I know what I'm doing. I have enough skills to step into work.

Only if there was a job. I can't be blamed for slacking, I've been active and searched already few months. My profession just seems to be hard to get. It's somewhat rare welding prosess but best for me. I have enough patience for it. It's not a millimeter that counts, it's half of it and less. You need all patience and concentration you've got. Last week my search gave little tastes of success. Job interviews, yes, many of them, but only two places really seem promising. Both are intresting and challenging in a different way. I've always liked traveling. Norway sounds tempting and working in a foreign country pays damn well. But at the other hand, I'm a sucker for military helicopters and air planes. Working for my goverment would also mean good salery. If I only get eather one of those jobs.

I have to wait for a call. It should come this week. I can't help staring at my phone. I can't arrange ANYTHING without knowing where I'm going to move after the call. Do I keep my current flat and just seal it well or try to find new flat at other region where the job is? Rental contract is already off, I have got time to live here only this month. I need to know if I have to re-sign the contract. Soon.

And my cat is sick. I should take him to a vet but being on student-money, I can't afford a vet. Not before wednesday. Hell, I can't even buy food now.