Love Me
If a person were to describe what I felt towards him, it’d be no words they could think of. He was perfect, at least to me. Even if he’s been hurt his world turned upside down by one man, the man that I want dead.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was the week after I graduated collage. I had my grad party, my friends, boyfriend, and my family was there too. I walked around and mingled, I hadn’t seen my boyfriend all night. Alex had visited his family the other week while I had finals, and he hadn’t been quite the same person ever since. I walked around to the table with all the presents; I looked around as I listened to distant conversations. I felt cool hands on my sides I turned to see my boyfriend standing there smiling at me. His brown eyes were colder then they had once been, it scared me a little.
“Hey baby,” I smiled at him, turned him and hugged him. “You ok?” I asked looking up at him.
He looked at me, “you figure out if your pregnant or not?” he asked looking at me.
I smiled “yeah, I was at the doctors, and I have a little person in me!” I smiled and looked at him some more. His face lit up as he heard the news. He’d always wanted a child, he loved children and he loved me.
“That’s great!” he smiled, then frowned, “Have you told your parents?” he asked looking at me a little scared. My parents are strict, they hated everyone that I have dated, they hated the fact that I was dating, and even at the age 29 they didn’t like the fact I dated. They were that cool.
I smiled nervously, “No, they're not going to be happy with me if I tell them that!” I argued.
He just sighed at me and kissed my forehead as I looked around the room. He looked around; he seemed distant as he watched the people dance, talk, get drunk, and whatever else they did.
“Hey, I have to go to work” I smiled hugging him as he smiled and let me go. I put my finger to my lips to tell him to be quiet.
As I walked down the street to my work, it wasn’t far. It was a small café that was called Le Café. It was a French place. I had leaned to speak French in junior. high. I looked around, my hands stuffed into my coat pockets as I looked at the shady people that were walking the streets. I didn’t like working night shifts, but I had to because of school. Soon I’d be starting as an intern at near by hospital.
I didn’t like thinking about the future, it scared me, but now with the baby on the way I was starting to think. Maybe I should think about life insurance? I thought as I walked into the café. “Hey Jacky” I greeted my boss.
His name was Jackal, but he let me call him Jacky. He was around 35, with 4 kids, and beautiful wife, and an annoying brother that lived with him. I pitied him every day after he let me meet Jackson (his brother).
I got to work with my job, and I started thinking about the past, what had happed to almost get me thrown in jail.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was about the beginning of collage so I was 18. Actually it was the 1st day of collage, I sat next to this tall man, his white hair was past his shoulders, he looked old, but it was like blond white. His eyes were hidden, his face turned away from mine as I looked at him. He frightened me a little but yet he didn’t, it was an odd feeling, and it was a good feeling thought too.
I barely paid attention in class that day; I was too busy staring at the person who sat next to me. He amazed me, he was smart, he had the answers written on a piece of paper, but he didn’t say anything ever, even when he knew the answer and no one else did.
I wasn’t sure if I would be able to stay in this class, he amazed me and scared me and just was a new wow factor in my life. I sat next to someone that never spoke, but was practically a genius! I was sure I’d fail the class.
Then the next day was something that I’d never expect in a million years, he spoke!
“Can I borrow a pencil?” he had this husky voice, almost southern sounding, it was beautiful.
“Um… yeah of course” I smile politely and watch his face. He had wonderful jaw line, very nice skin, but his eyes are what caught me off guard. There was so much hurt and sadness built up in them. Years of pain and torture built up into those innocent eyes, he looked hurt, and he looked like he was crying out for help, and he looked annoyed! I blushed “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to stare” I apologized making it sound like a bad thing. “Um here is your pencil you asked for,” I said stumbling as I gave him the pencil. I blushed again “sorry you just look so sad” I commented straight out. I’d regret it then, but then I heard what he had to say.
“I’ve been through a lot, you’re the first person to notice,” he smiled at me almost apathetically.
“Oh really?” I asked looking at him oddly, he struck me as odd the way he talked, he was more laid back, and more relaxed, not the way he looked. He looked up tight, scared, and hidden from the world. He needs a friend I thought. “Would you like to study this afternoon in the library?” I asked looking at him smiling, I was too confident; I was just getting off my coffee rush. I just smiled and waited for his response.
“Sure, why not” he smiled at me; it was a thank you smile! It was a smile where you didn’t want to say thank you or say that you were grateful but just look at the person and smiled. It was almost like he was saying ‘Thank you for caring about me’.
I gave him a sweet smiled and looked over at the clock it was pretty late; it was almost the end of the class period.
About a month later when we were getting ready for our exam, he was talking about the way that we should assemble at the school meetings, and that’s when he started to seem a little distant.
“Alex! Alexander! Earth to kitty’s world” I yelled at him looking at his expression with that distant look, he looked like he was being beaten, almost like it was with his own thoughts.
“I was just thinking about my dad” he said when he finally came back to life. “When I was young my dad was a bit of a drunk and a druggy. He beat me when my mom wasn’t around. He went to jail when I was 16, and I told my mom and she didn’t believe me and asked my dad, and he said that I was lying, and my mom wanted me to apologize or I’d be kicked out, and I’m not one to lie to people, so I didn’t say anything and the next thing I knew all my stuff was on the lawn. I was able to call my grandma, and I came down to live with her, and now I’m here and now, and the affect of that is that I just don’t like people too much. My father’s living at my house with my grandma and me.” He must have looked at my expression of disgust once he had he kept talking. “The reason he lives with us is because my grandma, is his mom” He finished, then looked at me. “Don’t look like that Crow” he said looking at the reaction to his story.
It amazed me; it was just so odd and rare to hear about child being beating. I looked at him a little awe struck. I didn’t want to say anything but it was most likely amazed me is what I felt inside was unseasonable! I was infuriated by the thought of someone hurting him, he was sweet and nice and kind I didn’t want him to feel bad, I didn’t want to see him sad. That’s when it occurred to me, the unimaginable had happened.
I had fallen in love.
~ Crow Shadows ~
Community Member