*emo sigh*
it seems i hav been pratically as they say "depressed" fer a while now and i have....clearly no idea why.....except for the fact that really i screwed up on this whole "track" as my parents described it..>.> <.<
stop this tonight , this undefining pain lurking deep within the coridoors of my heart.
its wedged ,cradeld and striped to tears filterred with blood strenghining the flow of the most desired pain.......
"stop torturing me and just kill me already" he said that to me...i just had to tell him how i truely felt...and what was happening without his knowledge
i do not undestand why i am writing like this write now but i just cant sleep and i do not feel "myself"...i feel its haunting me and eating my insides....
it seems that they r sending me away...far away since my "behavior" is unacceptable for society...
i do not wish to be removed but rather vanish
not to dissapear but be invisible
its complicated but i dont want to go back there
and for them to send me away hurts alot as well
it will hurt him even more this time around
for me im used to leaving people
for them...its only the mere 2nd time ...im not ashley thogh...
IM SORRY
i really am...for i havent explained clearly my feelings AT ALL...
ive beeen decetfull and careless about my new beginning
now...its really a new begining
for instead of leaving in 6 months it will be sooner...i dont want to leave them!!!!!
i cant sleep
i cant sleep
i...cant
indecisine has stopped my attemts to make u happy....
and every1 keeps rubbing it my face
stupid mother ******** i know i ******** up...leave me to deal with my problems...dumb a** people,parental units and "freinds"
i dont need any1....i cant have ny1 anymore.....i knew that what i was doing was for the future...i knew id have to break my ties with my loved ones for i have nothing left
this guilt is truely overwheleing me
i havent been able to be who i am
its finnally taken over me
where are you T-T
always i thought i could protect u..i was wrong huh?
i wish that i can make the mistakes ive done to cross your already broken hearts
but im sorry
i cant do anything to help u or i
its hopeless
its true ive finally understood that its fuedal to be a coward
suicide is what only cowards do.i might have been a coward before.but as they say i "changed"
u beleive..u truely beeive im that unreliable when i give all my time and thoughts and give them to u....
all this time ive wasted earning trust......gaining love...
it wasnt worth anything in the end ive been deceived for the last time
if i understand what ive written after tonight then i have definitly accepted my reflection.................
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