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I usually put my life like journal entries in my myspace blog, but I dont really want anyone to read this [of people I actually know], but I need a shout out and get all this pain and frustration out! So I am sorry about this "all whoasy me" entry, I usually only post bubbly and spastic things in here. But today, I just dont feel like it... and no one reads this crap anyways...

I feel like I am at the end of my rope. I thought being in Pullman would be grand and great and everything would be happily ever after, but its just one thing after another it seems. [It's not about my boyfriend at all, it's like... a lot of other things]. It's disturbing that I miss my family, because in a big way, I hate them... a lot. And for me to miss that sort of attention is really weird.

I left all my friends behind! I miss Angelica, Arsenik, all my pals back in Sedro. I seriously sacrificed everything to be here. And I guess its starting to get to me. But when I think about "Why am I here?" I think about my boyfriend/fieancee. I love him dearly and I can not be without him. When I am without him, I get depressed and deep sadness will wash over me.

If I had all my family back and all my friends, I would still be sad because I wouldnt have the one that I love and want to be with the most. And now he is blaming the college that he has not time for me... witch is rediculas! He needs to finish school, I dont want him to think that its in his way.

He told me it wasnt any excuse of him that he doesnt write poetry for me or blogs about me like the way I have. Well I am a female after all, and I am more romantic then he is. But his mind set isnt completely on me and thats why he isnt doing sweet romantic things. Hes finally out of the house for the first time, on his own, and in a very important college. His brain is totally not focused on me, and I understand that. Even though sometimes I wish it is, but I am not complaining too much, because I rather have him just a little bit then nothing at all.

But when he does write those sweet words some day... I would be the happiest that I would have ever been....

~Hoshi