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Tides of Chaos in Amity Shadows - a cracked up pokemon story |
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First 5 chapters.
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It was a dreary day in Amity Shadows, the land of many Pokemon. The kids hearts were growing three sizes to big so they were all dying. Then it came to these 4 travelers. Kame, the mystical being who we obviously know is a monkey in disguise as a cookie. Amity, the excellent and sexual cookie monster. We hardly know her secret past so she's all mysterious and cool. And emo. Esme, the local whore where she lived. She sells for 10 bucks a pop. And the main character, Kyle! He's secretly in love with Amity who really likes Esme who likes everone but is in love wih Kame who hates them all but doesn't hate Amity who wants to kill Kyle who thinks Esme is a whore, which she is. Of course, that has no point in this story.
Anyways, the 4 travelers were walking in downtown Chivvky Town. They passed a pawn shop and a tattoo shop before going into a Ramen shop. When they stepped in, the bartender turned around to look at his only customers for hours. He was a disturbing man with large forarms and rather skinny shoulders. He had an oversized chin and a tattoo of an anchor on his right forearm. He had some wierd pipe in his mouth.
"Names Poy, Pee Poy," said the bartender for no apparent reason, "we have our special today, Spinach Ramen."
"We're fine. We're actually looking for some info," murmured Kyle.
"Are you the Tsubasa group?"
"Who?"
"Mike Jones."
Annoyed with the bartender, Kame took out a knife and held it to Poy's throaght. "You're going to f***ing tell us about the pokemon raping group, Heartless."
Poy, slightly in shock, paused then said, "I'm a dandelion." He started to bleat like a sheep.
"Worthless old coot. Must be high on something," blurted out Amity.
The group headed out but Esme stayed a bit. She was eyeing Poy's large arms when Kyle noticed he told the rest that they'll be waiting outside for an hour. Again. But when they stepped out a large thud came from the house across the street and out popped some guy in short shorts and a tank top.
"Holy sh-", screamed Kame but was interrupted by the man.
The man held one hand up and anohter to his side. "Like, hello. How are you and your like that Inuyasha group right? Whatever, let's battle." The trainer sent out a Magikarp.
"Ha ha, yeah right. I'll handle this.", replied Kame to the man's challenge. He sent out his Mightyena to fight the sexually challenged man.
hapter 2:Like Oh EM GEE! SUPER MAGIKARPS!!!!
It was a wonderful day in a lush green paradise. A little nice diddy was going on in the background an there were lotsa of slopes. Suddenly some hedgehog comes speeding through and runs over a young girl with black hair. Out of guilt, or pleasure, or both, he gives her mouth to mouth for her to heal. When she awakes with a cough, she looks up into the hedgehog. Their eyes met and she fell in love. Then they kissed and she was brought to his home, where it was her first time. When she awoke after the night of many positions, she sees that he left and that they really were at a motel. She then vowed to sleep with every man till she found the hedgehog, no matter wha-
With a twitch, Esme awoke to the piping of Poy's pipe. She pulled on the blanket and gazed out. When she noticed the Tank top'd man she immediately threw up.
"Okay, Magikarp, let's show 'em what we got," squealed the man in disturbing ecstasy.
"Mightyena, use bite!"
The malicious dog took a bite into the flailing fish and crunched down hard. He yelped in pain as a tooth was chipped and he leaped back to his partner's side.
"What happed Mightyena?" questioned Kame, " What is up with your Magikarp?"
"It's not any regular pokempon! It's a special 'trained' magikarp," said the freak in a giddy, "Now Magikarp, Giga Impact!"
The Magikarp suddenly stood upright somehow and rammed the mutt with huge intensity that it 'cause Mightyena to faint. Kame called back his pokemon and brought out a second Pokeball. He sent it flying wth a growl as a Sableye appeared. "Sableye, Hyper Beam." Sableye shot a great beam of pure energy at the flailing pile of pure evilness. Unfortunately, it lost it's footing and was sent sailing back just as he sent back Magikarp. The Magikarp hit a tree and fainted as Sableye hit his owner and was knocked out too.
"Aw, poor Magi. I guess I'll have to leave I only brought my little Karpsie for this battle. The group of Heartless send their regards," and the little creep left after pulling in his pokemon and giving a wink towards Kame's Sableye.
"Not my Sableye!" screamed Kame when he noticed the trainer winking.
Esme came out in clean clothes while wiping her mouth. "Poy is horrible in bed."
Chapter 3:WTF where's chapter 1's title? Where's my pants? Where's god?
The group of Un Pilkison(working name) was setting out to the local Pokemon Center where Nurse Joy's crossdressing, hot brother was working. They needed to go not for Sableye but for Mightyena to fix his broken tooth. Along the way, the entire town was, for some reason, murderous and kept killing each other.They just passed a man choking someone with an intestine while stabbing another person with a vaccination needle.
When they were at the Pokemon Center, some cats were raping a dog. They walked in and went up to the counter.
Amity spoke out first, "Is Nurse Joy here?"
A almost exact replica of Nurse Joy from the other towns they've been at appeared. The only difference was the rather big Adam's apple. He spoke in a big butch voice. "Yes, you must be Ash Ketchum."
Kame angrily shouted out, "Why the hell does everyone mistake us for someone else? My f***ing god."
"I guess not then. What can I do for ya?"
"His Mightyena needs a new tooth seeing as it broke on a Magikarp," replied Amity
"Wow, it must suck a**."
"Hey yo-"
"Hand it over." He extended his hand. Kame slammed Mightyena's home into it, all the while swearing.
Esme was eyeing Nurse Joy. "You're kinda cute."
"I hate sluts."
"Whatever, homo." She fumed out.
The others followed behind after Joy told them that it'll be done overnight. They headed for some Shady Motel. No, that's it's name. They walked in and ordered a room. It was room 23. When they wen tin they saw alot of horrible walls covered in what they assumed were water on wallpaper. and bunches of weird word-math related problems all including the number 23. And some weird hobo murmuring about the number 23.
They killed the hobo and harvested his 23 organs and his 23 fingers and toes with 23 forks. They also ate 23 glasses of wine. "Eat" because they also ate the cup. Then they slept. They had excelent dreams, mostly of them raping said hobo 23 times.
When they awoke, they went to the Center to find that Nurse Joy was holding a empty metal round shaped pan. He looked sad.
"How's my Mightyena?" asked Kame, after burping 5 times.
"He... He didn't make it." Nurse Joy said with sorrow.
Some dramatic music played.
Chapter 4: This title demands a vacation.
Nurse Joy was crying and his head looked down. Then he gave them the Pokeball which used to house the once lively black Mightyena. "He couldn't have made it in time to not eat my pie." He sniffed and rubbed his eyes, his mascara running down his cheeks into his mouth, which he licked. "His new tooth his fine but he can't use Bite or Crunch or any of those biting moves for a few days." He gave them a waiver to pay the bill of the new tooth. Soon as it was paid, they left to the local Gym to get the badge there so they can sell it in the back ally for crack.
When they arrived they decided by interesting means on who would battle this gym.
"Okay, who's the biggest whore?" asked Kame.
"Oooh, oooh, I a... b*****d."
Esme bravely walked with her chest held high. And her chest was indeed high. And perky. The Gym Leader turned around to find that a slut was walking in, unannounced. "Who are you?" asked the slightly peculiar gym person. He had black hair and dark, almost charcoal black, eyes. His height was easy to scoff at 'cause he was barely 60 inches tall. Though he seemed evil with those eyes, he was wearing a bunny suit.
'Pffft," Esme held back a laugh, "a-are you the Gym... Leader?"
"Yes, I'm Purin, are you here for a challenge?"
"What do you think, dumb a**?"
"Fine, battle with two pokemon. Yada yada."
They took their place across from each other.
"I choose you, Sneasel!" yelled Esme as she sent her Gret Ball flying. It hit a with a small thud and released Sneasel with a pop before returning again.
"Haha, Sneasel?" mocked Purin. He sent out a simple pokeball out and it released Buneary.
"Buneary," said the cute bunny. The bunny went up to the Sneasel who clawed back. This frighten Buneary and she ran to her side.
"Buneary, ready?" asked Purin. Buneary nodded. "Then use Bounce." The bunny jumped high. The lights of the Gym were to blinding that Sneasel couldn't find Buneary so he just kept hopping around but to Esme dismay Buneary jumped on him. She hopped off and landed on her trainer's side giggling. Sneasel was swaying a bit.
Esme quickly yelled, "Quick, Shadow Claw!"
The dark Pokemon got steady and charged at the Buneary. The bunny dodged. Sneasel tried to hit her again but the bunny dodged.The bunny kept dodging. Finally, Sneasel grazed her and she was sent back flying.
"Wow, your must've trained Sneasel for power," explained Purin, "Buneary knows more than you think."
Chapter 5:Nothing is holy.
"Buneary, use swift!" cried Purin. The bunny used it's mouth to spit out what were apparently stars at the Sneasel who dodged and grabbed the bunny.
"Ice Beam Sneasel!" The Sneasel opened it's mouth and was charging up a white, shiny light in between both of them.
"Swift, quick!" Right when the beam was done, Buneary fired out some more stars which collided with the Ice Beam and blew up. They were both sent flying but Sneasel quickly got to his feet. Buneary was unfortunate and hit the wall and fainted. "Aw, poor baby." He withdrew Buneary and sent a second pokemon out. It was a Wigglytuff. "Quick, pound."
"Dodge it Sneasel." Sadly Sneasel was to hurt to dodge and was smacked by the Wigglytuff. he fainted as the Wigglytuff grew big and started to pound it's chest. "grr." Esme sent out her other pokemon, Snorunt.
Snorunt danced with glee, "Sno Snorunt" He shot a Ice Beam at the Wigglytuff. wigglytuff dodged it.
Esme was outraged by it's outburst, "Do not make me sell you out on the street again."
Snorunt calmed down at this and put on a serious face. "Snorunt, you know what to do. But first, Agility." Snorunt suddenly grew incredibly fast and appeared in front of Wigglytuff. Wigglytuff tried to punch him but Snorunt jumped on Wigglytuff and jumped behind her. She tried to punch him but he ran past her. "Now, Double team" There were 10 surrounding Wigglytuff.
"Wigglytuff, use Sing!" Wigglytuff got her voice ready but was interrupted.
"Agility then Ice Beam" Suddenly the Snorunts raced in a circle and was charging the Ice Bea. With the help of agility it was immediately ready and shot Wigglytuff. She became frozen getting ready to sing. Purin took in his Wiggly.
"You have won this battle," he said while he brought up the newly acquired badge.
"Hey, we need more members to battle Heartless, care to join us?" asked Kyle.
"But what about the Gym?" wondered Purin.
"Leave it to us," answered Amity.
~+~
Purin was heading back home to the gym after gathering some supplies for the trip when he noticed smoke coming from it. He ran carrying the stuff and was in front of his gym. It was filled to the brim with Sex toys caught on fire. Esme came out and grabbed him. They left and met up with the other 3 outside of town.
"W-Why?" asked Purin trembling.
"So they think your dead and that they need a new Gym Leader," answered Kyle.
"But... the badges."
"We took them to a Pawn Shop and sold them and decided to get cracked."
"I'm messed up right now, WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Screamed Amity at the top of her lungs as she ran in circles acting like a bird. " Ca Ca, F***ing Ca b***h".
"Then.. let's go." said Purin in sadness. Kame snuffed up some crack.
"I wonder if we'll reach the rainbow of blood and children parts."
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I'll update the chapters how I very well damn please BTW.
The Traveling Pikmin · Sun Oct 07, 2007 @ 09:05pm · 0 Comments |
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