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Things haven't been going too well for me lately. Some of y'all know what happened, others don't. Well I'm going to make this very specific and blunt... I was pulled out of school this past wed. because I had to go to a funeral. And I stopped going to Gaia on Monday because I was so depressed. The funeral was terrible, and I nor anyone else in my family has ever cried so much in one day in their entire life. So I've decided to let myself go from Gaia for a week to a month, and not get on until I feel better. Also, I've decided to join Texan TV, and bury myself in homework, and do whatever I can to occupy myself again, including I joined Outspark the MMORPG. I won't be the same at school either for a while, unless I'm hiding it. This has really hit me hard because we're a close-knit family.
What happened, you ask? My cousin Sean (pronounced shawn) committed suicide on September 6th with his own gun issued to him by the Police Department. He was married and had two kids (Ryan 12, Adam 7; I asked them). Sean served with the PD for 13 years, and was happily married until one day his wife (Christina) told him she wasn't happy anymore and wanted a divorce. He couldn't handle the pressure on that, and didn't really know how to cope with depression. Sadness is something that he had never felt before in his life, not until now. He loved her with every being of his soul, he couldn't stand to part with her nor be divorced from her. So before the paper could go through, he typed up a letter (unknown to the public of what was written) on his computer and shot himself in the head. I myself didn't find out until the 11th when my mother told me before I left for school. No one can truely understand why he left us all behind, but I told you what I think, and that is the best and closest answer anyone can think of. The rosary was on Wednesday, but I didn't make because we left too late. the funeral Mass was on Thursday, complete with the Police escourt and traditional bagpipes. Before everyone left the Cemetary, the police gave the Role Call.
"Number 78. Calling number 78. Last call for number 78..." everyone was in tears, even me. I couldn't hear everything else that was being said over the loud police Radio because of all the crying. But I know that it was the PD giving their last regards to their former fellow officer.
At the banquet, I got to meet a lot of his relatives and see a slideshow of him and his kids. He was always smiling, always happy. It's a terrible pain to know that I am never gonna see that again. The last time I saw him was two years ago when the family got together at Red Lobster. And the time before that was 4 years ago when we had thanksgiving at their house (I have a journal entry on that). Just because I didn't see them much, doesn't mean that we didn't comunicate. Actually, 80% of my families communication is through the phone. But I must admit that I did miss them between those times. The last thing I wanted to tell them was that I'm now a Senior and gonna graduate this year. But when my mom told me he was dead, I regretted not contacting them before hand to tell them. Truely, I blame Chris for his death. But no matter who the finger is pointed at, it's not going to bring him back.
So now you all know what happened, dispite that I said it was gonna be short... and I'm sorry that I won't be back for weeks.
 Vanilla Wolf · Sat Sep 15, 2007 @ 09:07pm · 0 Comments |
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