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5. In the Middle of a Transcontinental Flight.

You don't have leg room, much less relationship wiggle room. Our advice is if you can't stand to speak to her one more instant, pretend to fall asleep and then ditch her inside the airport when she heads to the Ladies Room. Either that or tell airport security that she's a terrorist hiding a vial of anthrax up her nether regions.


4. Right before everyone yells "Surprise!" on her birthday.

She'll be so dazed at the breakup she won't even notice all the gathered friends and family. She'll certainly take no joy in the moment. Come to think of it, though, maybe you are doing her a favor by leaving since she has her whole support group there to pick up the shattered pieces of what was once your love. They can easily reassure her that she can do SO much better than you anyway.

3. In Bed, Right After Taking Her Virginity.

Nothing stings as much as stained sheets and you barking a command to "Get out!" Plucking the pedals from her flower and then tossing her away to rot like a bouquet of old roses is harsh, dude. Trust us. Promise to call and never follow through. That's a much better way to treat a woman.

2. Right Before She Competes in the Miss America Pageant.

Noticeably worsened if you threaten to go public with that home-made porn video the two of you made on the night you both got so high on crack. You don't want to get thrown into a media circus and have women around the world sympathizing with "queenie" while you come off as the poster child for why "men can't be trusted."

The rest of the world will get a laugh when, in a simmering rage, she answers the question about how she would make the world a better place by suggesting she'll cut off your p***s while you sleep!

1. At the Altar.

Women dream of their wedding days. They spend months choosing the right dress, reading all of the bridal magazines, hassling their friends to be bridesmaids, sending out invitations and getting their daddies to shell out big bucks for caterers, photographers, videographers, musicians, etc.

Standing in front of a priest or an official repeating vows to never sleep with another woman -- EVER AGAIN -- can have a heavy impact on guys. Many a man has discreetly fled the ceremony just before (bachelor parties were meant to test whether guys actually can resist banging any random stripper they meet), but how many grooms wait until the moment when they are asked if they "do"?

This is a bad time to have second thoughts because that pretty girl standing beside you in the white dress expects you to have considered whether you want to spend the rest of your life with her by then. If you freak out at this moment, it will define all your future relationships. Trust us: It's better to be the guy who asked for an annulment during the honeymoon than the butthead who left a girl crying on the "biggest day" of her life. Eat the cake. Smile for the pictures. Accept the gifts. And get some phone numbers from her bridesmaids for later.

What's a guy to do if he's unfortunate enough to see his romance crash and burn in any of these circumstances? Our advice? Run!