History repeats itself. I can feel it and it's ruining me. All these gut feelings, they were right again. Why couldn't you ******** tell me? Why'd you have to wait and just dump it right before it starts? I can't believe it's happening again.. and so soon.
********.
I want to talk about it, but I don't trust anyone that deeply. Then again, I don't want to say anything at all. My secrets remain with me. If I said anything.. I'd lose that. I like keeping who I am private, but it's ******** driving me into bouts of irrational actions. I'm a bad seed.
Life's ********.
I wish I had amnesia. Forget anything that ever happened and how much I've been hurt. It wouldn't matter so much. God, please don't be like my father. You know how I feel about him and how he feels about me. That's why he left, you should know that. My mother's just as much of a deadbeat as he is, but with all her little lies and fake masks. Don't think you can fool me, I've grown up around acts like this. I know when you're giving me bullshit. You know, you are right. Nothing's ever going to take back what you did to me. I think I'm just as sorry as you are for that.
Fuucckk.
Do you even realize this is the same time as last year? That this is when it all started in the first shitty place? I don't know if you know that. Maybe you do, maybe not. You don't have the greatest of memory, I understand. I won't shove it down your throat. I would never think of doing that. I'm just a little.. how could I put it? I don't think there's any way I can. I'm not good with words, you know that. I can't explain what the ******** is going on in my head. It's always just been kept in there. I've never had to explain before. You keep asking me too, but I can never get it to come out right. Why does it matter to you anyway? I've got issues and problems, okay? So do you. I just keep mine locked up, but hey, I guess you do too.
I can't go through this s**t again. I've had enough of everyone. I'm sick of feeling sorry for nothing. Sorry for everyone, for you, and for myself. I want to start somewhere new away from all of this. You can come if you like. I don't know if you really should or not. Maybe something good will come out of life.
Don't do this again, please.
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
