Today was my last day of school. There really was no point in going to school today. I only had one or two people that would actually miss me. I was said to write myself a letter in my English class, just about what was going on so far in school and stuff. It was to see if anything had changed.
I didn't care about me. I was observing the world revolving school. What was happening in it and if that changed at all. Nothing...
Nothing has changed about this cynical prison that mentally disturbs people outside of the education rooms. I might be a little messed up in the head but I'm only talking about my self esteem and family issues.
What really disturbs me is how I watched an innocent little freshman boy become a suicidal maniac craving death and wishing for it all to end...All from being in this hell that adults think they can understand.
This was a normal kid. There is no such thing as normal. But he was minding his own business trying to get an actual educaton. Through the course of this year, I've stood by and watch the torture and maddness continuing to loom over his every movement. He was driven by the words these people said to bring him down. He could not bear hearing all of this. His mind was being stabbed with hurtful words and phrases...and it continued...It has continued to this very day...
This boy...he died...We heard the news this morning from the massive spread of ear to ear conversations and eavesdropping. What people have done to the boy had killed him. He didn't want to go to school...He didn't want to bear with these humans that are a waste of space! They mentally broke him down til he was nothing...Nothing...but dead...
Why didn't I stop it? That's the golden question.
1) I wanted to see what became of the boy
2) I wanted to see if anyone else would've cared to help him
3) I wanted to see how long it took for some idiot to ruin someone else's life
Do I feel guilty? Of course, greater than you can possibly imagine! But I know what can happen now. I wish I helped him sooner. He would probably still be alive. Nothing will bring him back...not even my deepest apologies. Call me an a*****e for watching this happen because I accept that I am...For what I have done, just to experiment the limits of a boy's mind...
I guess...I'm commiting myself to helping out these people that become victims to those who bully others. I don't want another to end up like that boy. I have to grieve...It's really my fault...for not helping...for not stopping...for not telling anyone...for not helping anyone...
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Journal of a Mad Wolf Boy
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Ziv-00
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