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Who is she? (Not finished)
She was just your typical, everyday, human female. She attended school, she had friends, her parents were still married. Nothing seemed wrong with her. Though she always had issues with other students that didn't know her, always calling her the 'emo kid', or the 'crack-head', when all she wanted was to be herself and to be left alone by the teenagers that were thriving on her emotional stress and her pure hatred.
Always the smart kid, yet always picked last on teams. She really didn't get along with other students. It was either she was stuck doing all the work, or she did all the work anyways because she knew they would harm her precious grade.
The youngest child out of three. Full blood running through her body. A child with both her parents known, and living with her. Still the youngest, yet she seemed to be the smartest; the most mature. Her vocabulary was no less than amazing. Though her mind raced at a high rate, and the words formed on her tongue, longing to pass through her lips, she stayed quiet around them. No real reason that anyone knew of.
She was labled on all sides. All of her flaws created one big giant lable. Her emotions took her to heights that she didn't even think she could reach. The power of her mind confused her easily, and normally acted as if there wasn't much going on up there.
Hiding away her true potential. Never being able to know what she could fully do. Locked behind her own cold, metal bars, never to escaped the vast locks and chains holding her back. She did that to herself. Maybe to be normal, no one really knew.
Of course, she knew that normality didn't exsist. With everyone's different perceptions on what was considored normal, and what wasn't. One would think that if she knew that, why did she try her hardest to be normal; to be accepted?
Nothing in her mind seemed to make sense anymore. The pure confusion of everything. Trying to shut it all off was proved futile as her brain kicked back into it's gear again. Never stopping. Always thinking. Always confused. The confusion never ceased.
She couldn't stand to be confused. The same with most people. The more confused she got, the more she thought to understand what was confusing her, making her think more, only to more confused. Still, she never stopped trying to be unconfused.
"We understand." They always told her. The lies of it all! Who were they to understand her, when she couldn't even understand herself? It was simply an error, and, with all errors, it must be fixed. The human error couldn't be fixed, though..
How did this all start, she often wondered. Why do I want to be like this? Why must I want to be the normal kid, the one that everyone accepts.
Going through the past in her mind, she found something-her family. It is easy for a person to blame their family for their mistakes and their pains; it's a normal human trait. But her reasons she gave herself made it seem like she was the only one that thought it.
Her family, seeming pretty average, was the least in her mind. Looking from her view point, one could see the flaws she had to put up with. Being the youngest, she had to watch the her fellow siblings make mistakes and get punished for it. Taking notes in her head, always. What to do in certain situations, what not to do, what to go near, and what to stay away from. Since she was the youngest, often the fears of her older family members affected her, causing her to be afraid of exactly the same things.
He didn't help at all. The man that she was forced to call her father. Deadly afraid of him, she constantly cried and prayed to stay away from him. He caused most of it. The things he said to her made her afraid to even live. That's not all what he did to her, oh no, that wasn't. She was always 'stupid', 'fat', 'ugly', 'worthless', and it just went all. All her life. Even though someone could see it in such a laughing matter, and though she would laugh with him, it wasn't like that in her mind. After years and years of constantly being told that, it stuck with her. She was, to herself, those things he so bluntly joked about.
Who was she to him? She was only his daughter. Another mouth to feed, another few dollars to through in for clothes and school supplies. A burden she called herself. He didn't know her. He didn't know what she had to deal with daily. He made it worse all the time. She couldn't have friends, or it seemed that way. If they weren't the way he wanted, they were a bad influence and she wasn't allowed to be with them. He didn't know that he was the worst influence of anyone. She couldn't even be who she was. She had to be this 'perfect' image. Since everyone around her seemed to be a failure. She had to get the highest grades, never out of line, but when she spoke how she was feeling, she was immidently shunned from his sight. All she wanted was for him to accept her as who she was, but she knew it would never happen, but still she tried.
Her fears took her to into dark places. The abnormality of her fears were astonishing. She was afraid of love, yet afraid to not be loved. After watching the drama throughout her sisters and cousins, she knew she didn't want to go through all the pain, so she strictly stayed away from it. That didn't last long when she saw how happy it could really make a person.
That happiness fades after a while. The cold and almost heartless person that she was in the inside tended to shine through in the worst moment. The uncaring aura around her. She never seemed to be able to be happy for a long time. It was always in short burst. Though when someone saw her, she seemed as chipper as always.
Almost sickly cheerful as long as their was someone looking. But as soon as they stopped their piercing gaze, she returned into her lost and confused self.
High stressed built up within her, and sometimes, she exploded in rage. Mostly at the people she actually cared about the most. Pushing them away; it only hurt her more.
A walking time bomb. A strong willed teenager, forced into a fake life to please everyone. To please everyone, and not to please herself. She didn't matter. Never did she matter.
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Community Member
Print the finished product out.
Leave it somewhere Shawn will find it.
But for the time being, cheer up, Love.