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Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 9:03 pm
Hi, I'm new here, and I figured I would posting a bit of my writing. Starting out I think I'll just post what I had in the original stories/prose in the writers forum...I may get more of a response here. Heheh Hopefully. Right now I've not the time to critique anything but I will in the future!
There are Three entries on page two!
A bit about this snippet: This is a piece of one of four. The four sections are part of one novel. Like a miniseries I guess. The Whole novel is called Poison. It's the experiences of four teenagers/early adults through their lives of dealing with very dark things. Drugs, alcohol, abuse, ect, and how they overcome their pasts. This section is called Solace. It's about a boy named Revlin, a Paranoid schizophrenic with an alcohol abuse problem. His ex girlfriend Tarynn left him for a drug dealer and moved to California. Being a musical prodigy, he was on his way to California to record, when he found his ex hitchhiking back to Denver strung out. This is a bit of what happened afterward. Her brother is Ian. Her best friend, and Ian's fiancé is Renee. They all have their own Section. Ian is Euphoria, Tarynn is Decadence, and Renee’s doesn't have a title yet. Anyway... here goes...
WARNING....some material not suitable for sensitive audiences.
Solace:
The sheets were cold, but they didn’t stay that way for long. Tarynn was already burning up, she was already sweating, and shaking, and cringing in pain. She was already a complete mess. I had seen this kind of thing only once before when dealing with her brother, but it was under slightly different circumstances and Renée did most of the work helping him. I just stayed in the other room smoking. I rushed over to my cheap, pay-by-the-minute, cell phone and dialed Ian. I didn’t know if he was going to answer, but I needed help and Renee was not going to provide that. “Ian?” “What?” He answered groggily. It was almost four A.M in New York. “Dude, she’s back.” “Who?” I could hear his hand rub against the phone to wipe his eyes or something similar. “Your sister. She’s back. She’s right here,” I said, looking down to a convulsing Tarynn. “What?” Ian was suddenly alert and apprehensive. “You’re not ******** with me?” “No Ian. Tarynn is right here.” I took a shirt and dabbed some of the sweat off of her forehead. “You’re not just hallucinating again, are you?” “No Ian! She’s right here on my bed! Renee saw her. ******** man, I need your help!” “With what? Revlin, what’s going on?” He asked, obviously trying to regain composure. “I think she’s going into withdrawal. I can’t take her to a hospital, she’ll get arrested or something. I don’t know how to deal with this.” “Okay,” Ian sighed, trying to think as I paced back and forth across the room. “Strip her down.” “What?” “Just to her underwear. You need to make sure that she doesn’t have anything on her. You get really desperate when crashing. Plus, she’s probably feverish. If it gets any worse she might need an ice bath.” “Okay, hang on.” I put the phone on the bedside table and helped Tarynn to take off her clothes. I placed a damp towel I had retrieved from the bathroom on her forehead. “Alright.” “Now, do you know what she’s on at all?” “No. But she has tracks,” I told Ian as I grabbed Tarynn’s arm and turned it slightly to face me. “Well, that could be anything. See if she’ll tell you.” I nodded, even though Ian couldn’t see. Tarynn was clawing at the navy blue sheets and twisting her expressions in agony. “Tarynn?” I said raising my voice slightly. “Tarynn look at me.” She was crying, but still looked to me it desperation. “What did you take?” “Everything,” She whispered, as if talking was an effort for her. “Heroin? Coke? Meth?” “No meth.” “Ian?” When his attention returned, he snapped at me. “Yeah?” “I think Heroin.” “Okay. Well, there’s no much you can do. It’s a b***h to deal with but she’ll get over it in a few days.” “Days?” “Yeah. Almost a week probably.” <********.” “I’m going to fly out there. I’ll take the first plane I can get, so I’ll be there later tonight.” “Are you sure?” There was a pause, but not in thoughtfulness. It was a pause in Ian’s sarcastic way, questioning if I had really asked. “Yes, Revlin. I have to now.” I hung up the phone, and pulled the blanket over Tarynn. “You’ve really done yourself in,” I told her. “I didn’t do it. Not on purpose. Not on purpose, Revlin.” I doubted how one does a drug on accident that many times, but didn’t say anything. Hoping that she was going to be alright, I walked out into the living room to find Renee still watching television. “I think she’s going to be alright.” “Good for her. I want her out of my house.” Renee grumbled. “Renee, she’s in my room. The room I pay for.” “The room in my apartment.” “Why can’t you just be happy that’s she’s back?” “Because she blew her ******** chances with me. She could be dead for all I care.” “Yeah! She could be dead! But she’s not, Renee. She’s alive and begging for help!” “She doesn’t need my help.” “No, she needs your forgiveness.” Renee stood up like I offended her. She was facing me by that point, and threw the small deep crimson couch pillow on the ground. “Forgiveness? Forgiveness, Revlin? No. She’s not worth that,” Her voice was calm in the sinister kind of way that you know something is coming, but you can’t do anything about it. She took two steps towards me, as my eyes darted around for an escape route. “She’s the scum of the earth and doesn’t deserve my pity or my friendship, let alone forgiveness! She’s as good as dead to me and I don’t give a s**t about her!” I stepped back, fearing what Renée might do. Even being over a foot shorter than me, she was intimidating. “What about all she did for you Renée? All the times you ended up half dead in her bathroom, puking up muscle relaxants because you couldn’t deal with life? What about all the times you ran off on her?” <******** you! ******** you Revlin! That was completely different!” Renée grabbed the nearest thing to her which happened to be my cigarette case, and hurled towards at my head. “How?” I screamed, ducking. ”How is it any different? Just because it’s someone else’s flaw? It’s so damn easy for you to be hard on people, to judge them, but as soon as the table is turned, you flip out.” “She should have just left me there, then.” Renée got quiet. “But she didn’t! She was a loyal friend and would do anything for you. Think about all she did Renée. Think about how much you owe her. You don’t have to forgive her Renée, just help her.” I pulled a brightly colored beaded bracelet out of my pocket. It had a small heart charm on it. Tarynn had told me to give it to Renée before she fell asleep in the car. “Incase I don’t wake up, she said.” I dangled it in front of Renée. “She kept it Renée. She had me show you to prove that. She still wants your friendship.” Renée was speechless, she started to pace back and forth, muttering to herself. “Fine. Fine Revlin, you win. I’ll help her. We’ll take her to rehab when she’s done freaking out. But that’s it.” Renée snatched the bracelet out of my hand and kicked my bedroom door to open it. “We’re even,” she said bitterly to Tarynn, then immediately returning to her own bedroom.
This one is written from Tarynn's perspective before she got involved with drugs. She's a bti more dramatic about things because well, she's female. Haha. I promise there's more to this novel than just drug use...but a large part of it centralizes around that. I just liked this scene.
Decadence:
I stepped down the creaky uncarpeted stairs prepping myself to invite Ian to dinner. The thought that there should have been at least an accomplished stairway in an 800 thousand dollars home with a finished basement only passed my mind for a few seconds. I found Ian on the floor leaning against his bed with his legs sprawled out in front of him. His palm was resting on his knee, facing the ceiling; his inner arm was still bound in a tourniquet as it trembled slightly. Ian had an expression on his youthful face that was one of an unadulterated exhausted bliss, nirvana or some other word for it. Mix that with guilt, sweat, nausea, and a stupefied disconnection with reality. For a moment I watched him, halfway expecting a sad song to start playing over every other sound, adding even more drama to the moment. “What are you doing?” My voice the most harsh and uncaring I believe it could ever get. Like he thought he wasn’t doing a single thing wrong Ian asked, “What?” “What have you got to pull you down to this level Ian? What is so wrong with your life?” My emotions couldn’t be contained. His arrogance, his callous response, he was completely oblivious to the pain he was causing and didn’t have a problem with that. I screamed so hard my throat burned as every cell cried out as if it would burst. “It’s not like that Tarynn,” Somehow Ian was calm, serene…high. “Enlighten me, then! Why? Why do you do this to yourself? Is your life that ******** hard?” I felt my mother coming out in me, I felt anger and hate, and pity. I felt something no sister ever should. “It’s not like it’s hurting me.” He stated his argument like it was the end all to the discussion. “Look around you then, something outside of yourself! Can’t you see what you’re doing to me? “ “To you?” “Yes Ian, me! Your family! Your sister!” Everything I said erupted out of me as a volatile fury. “The one who’s been here almost your entire life!” “Yeah? Where were you when I needed you? When I needed guidance and support?” For a moment I almost started to feel bad for getting so angry with him, but what he said hit me so deeply. I was hurt so intensely by the fact that he just forgot all I had done for him, all of my efforts. “And staying up late at night listening to you talk to me, listening to all of your problems, and questions and worries means nothing to you?” “Just leave Tarynn. You don’t get it.” “Holding your hand, protecting you from mom and dad? Heroin Ian? This is a new low. I’ve been more of a little sister to you than I ever needed to. You’re going to regret this Ian. You’re going to get in trouble, and I won’t be there for you,” my voice calm and quivering by that point. “Tarynn! Get out!” “Fine!” I roared, making Ian, in his delusional stupor, flinch. “Since I’m dead to you now. Since I don’t exist.” I had to leave him with something, and guilt was all I could come up with.
I guess I would just like some opinions... like if I should post more and stuff.
THANK YOU!!!
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Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 9:28 pm
This piece is so...vivid. It remind me of a scene from one of my all-time favorite musical/movie, RENT. I love the way your characters are real in their reactions and dialogue; not exaggerated like most I've read.
This is excellent work. But of course! Or else you wouldn't be here.
heart
.:~o*'Isianya'*o~:.
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Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 10:58 am
Isianya This piece is so...vivid. It remind me of a scene from one of my all-time favorite musical/movie, RENT. I love the way your characters are real in their reactions and dialogue; not exaggerated like most I've read.
This is excellent work. But of course! Or else you wouldn't be here.
heart
.:~o*'Isianya'*o~:. Wow, thank you. That really means a lot to me. I don't know- I guess I strive to make my characters raw...something people can relate to. Heh.
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Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 5:31 pm
This is cooooooll~
But no sex, right? Because Kirby won't read anything with that in it, because she said so. You'll have to warn me first, you know.
Nice. But can people really talk so clearly when they're like that? high and such?
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Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 6:05 pm
KirbyVictorious This is cooooooll~ But no sex, right? Because Kirby won't read anything with that in it, because she said so. You'll have to warn me first, you know. Nice. But can people really talk so clearly when they're like that? high and such? It depends on the high. People that are acoustomed to a specific drug aslo know how to handle it. Ian, the boy who was high at the time is starting to develope a tolerancy, that's also why he was so frustrated. And Tarynn, in the first section was going through withdrawal.
And as a PS, once the characters reach 18 there is sex... but I don't go into detail with any of it. (This story starts out with the youngest being 16.) It's all very vague. I will warn if there's a sex scene though. This entire novel is filled with sensitive material.
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Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 7:44 am
I love your story, Cat, you know that. Maybe you should post a Revlin entry next...the one with Adelle and Atticus was a pretty intense scene. heart
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Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 10:45 am
As the Flowers Are I love your story, Cat, you know that. Maybe you should post a Revlin entry next...the one with Adelle and Atticus was a pretty intense scene. heart The one with Annika, or the one where he was in the hall? What?
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Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 11:32 am
Haha, nevermind sweatdrop I shouldn't be making posts that early. But you should post the one where Atticus handed him the gun.
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Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 12:10 pm
As the Flowers Are Haha, nevermind sweatdrop I shouldn't be making posts that early. But you should post the one where Atticus handed him the gun. Oooh. Yeah. Except for the fact that it's saved on my computer back home. I'm often neglectful to my zipdrive. do you have it by any chance?
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Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 2:37 pm
No, sorry love, that's not one that I have. We can all wait, though, it's worth it!
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Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 4:00 pm
Damn.-Well, I get home tomorrow most likely.
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Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 4:43 pm
Haha, such good friends. ><
My best friend knows everything about my story, too. That's not so say she agrees with/gets it. xd
Warnings are good. ^^ Rather nice of you.
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Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 4:50 pm
Hahah Yeah, I love her. This story wouldn't exist without her. And I'll always put a warnign on my stuff. <3 It's no problem. I tend to wrote things that are a little taboo, and somewhat mature I guess.
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Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 4:55 pm
Hah....YOU write tabboo.
>< You should see some of my stuff.
Seriously, I need your mad editing skillz. <3
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Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 5:40 pm
KirbyVictorious Hah....YOU write tabboo. >< You should see some of my stuff. Seriously, I need your mad editing skillz. <3 Eh. I don't post most of my stuff for a reason. Heheh
<3 Kay. When I don't have restricted online time I'll edit for you. biggrin I just haven't been home in a week. sweatdrop
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