Upon reading this, I thought it would be neat to copypasta it here. It's a neat little report on some of the latest movements of the planets (with fun horoscopes! YAY!) All Credit goes to Der Baron.
ABYSSAL EPISTLES
The Astrology of Baron Samadhi von Coppockalypse, PhD
Disclaimer: If you do not take every word of these horoscopes with the utmost faith, you will die. Statistics bear this out. Simply scan the newspapers. You will find that an overwhelming majority of the people that die each week DID NOT read the Baron's horoscopes.
Volume 98: Galatea's Entrance
This week sees a number of important shifts. Mercury ceases retrograde motion early in the week and the Moon comes back to Cancer for the New Moon in Cancer on Saturday, the same day that Venus steps tentatively into Virgo. The main theme of events shifts from Mercury's mess to Venus's impending revisions in Virgo. The New Moon puts things in a position to move forward on the plans that have struggled to solidify over the past several weeks.
Mercury Direct
This Tuesday, Mercury finally ceases to drive deeper into the heart of a town called SNAFU. Mercury goes direct in the 3rd degree of Cancer, ready to start a forced march back through the landmine marked territory he's traversed over the last 5 weeks. This finally trudge through the shadowed degrees will last from the present until the end of the month- July 27th. Delayed communications and pending deals can now be approached sans overwhelming dread of inevitable headaches.
V in V Nation
Venus has surveyed some interesting terrain in the last several weeks. A conjunction with Saturn provided an encounter with the image we need to put forward in order to meet our ideal, and Venus' encounter with Pluto has set in motion the essence of the transformation neccesary in order to move closer to that ideal. Venus is destined to move through these degrees again. Not once, but twice. She'll aspect Pluto again on the 15th - 16th of August, again on the 4th of October, conjunct Saturn again in Leo on the 13th -14th of August, and then finally make a third conjunction with our good friend Saturn on the 14th of October, but this time in the Sign of Virgo. This will mark the completion of Venus' journey throughout her retrograde.
Venus moves into Virgo on Saturday, the 14th, though you may feel the rumblings on Friday the 13th. Venus will creep forward through Virgo until the July 27th, when she turns around and heads back toward Leo. She'll make it back into of Leo on August 10th, and stay there until October 8th, almost 2 more full months.
In Leo, Venus is aware of and concerned with self-image to a much higher degree than usual. Her transition into Virgo will provide a segue from a heightened awareness of the importance of self-image into the manifest details that need to be reworked in order to enact improvements. Here, feelings cluster around material evidence of self-worth. Body issues, eating habits, and financial state as well as other parts of the life-machine rise to the surface of concerns. The critical self-awareness that Venus in Virgo brings can be an aid to self-improvement, but can easily trigger crippling insecurities.
HOROSCOPES:
July 9th-15th
Note on Horoscopes: 12 Fold horoscopes are a way to assess the general condition of the splayed rays of the zodiac. Although not without value, they are a blunt tool, and can only describe the archetypal activity in each power-zone. Although primarily present within only a few, each person, in reality, lives within all twelve. In order to sharpen the accuracy of statements, the Baron suggests reading the Sign the Sun is present in if you were born during the day, and reading the Moon for those of you born at night. Reading the Sign in which the Ascendant is placed is also advised.
Aries: The Ram
The cessation of Mercury's retrograde motion makes room for you to make progress. Though Mercury will still walk sideways in the sign of the Crab until August 4th, you'll find that the roadblocks you've been throwing yourself up against in the process of disappearing.
Taurus: The Bull
The heavy workload draped across the capable shoulders of many of Taurus' citizens is there to remind them of their own capabilities. Mercury, no longer retrograde, ceases to inspire you to errors in your daily communications and/or with siblings.
Gemini: The Twin
Mercury's about face brings Gemini back into sanity land. You can expect to see your ability to think, talk, and make stuff up slowly return to its normal level. Financial difficulties you may have experienced in the last several weeks are also on the slate to dissipate.
Cancer: The Crab
Mercury's station in your sign indicates an end to the seemingly endless and possibly fruitless mental movement that has characterized the last 5 weeks for you. There's still a lot of thinking and planning to do, but you can proceed largely free of the difficulties that have been plaguing your process.
Leo: The Lion
The pesky set of thoughts just behind the back of your mind begins to make a bit more sense this week. Venus' movement into Virgo on Saturday tones down the emotional toll the last few weeks have had on you, bringing your mind to bear on the concrete factors at work in any troubling situations.
Virgo: The Virgin
Mercury's cessation of retrograde motion clears your mind and orders your schedule in order to make room for an unhealthy helping of neurosis. Venus' movement into Virgo will heighten your social self-awareness to a level that is likely uncomfortable.
Libra: The Scales
Mercury's retrograde motion has brought your professional direction under a somewhat retarded form of scrutiny. The messages you're getting about the professional sector of your life will begin to make more sense as Mercury assumes normal motion. On the other hand, Venus' entrance into Virgo is likely to subject you to high levels of self-criticism.
Scorpio: The Scorpion
Mercury's assumption of direct motion brings your mind, largely cleared of debris, to bear on important issues regarding travel and further education. You'll likely spend the rest of the month entwined with and considering these topics. Venus' movement into Virgo has you thinking about possible problems with your professional self presentation.
Sagittarius: The Archer
Venus' movement into Virgo draws attention to monetary aspect of your professional situation, and while Mercury is no longer retrograde in Cancer, the financial concerns raised are likely to continue.
Capricorn: The Sea Goat
Mercury's assumption of direct motion marks the end of a series of insights into the way that communicate with other people, especially your family. Venus' movement into Virgo may mark a period where funds come your way. Don't squander it.
Aquarius: The Water Bearer
Unexpected expenses and extra work become less probable as Mercury goes direct in Cancer. Venus' movement into Virgo, on Saturday, sheds a growing spotlight on debts and health problems that you've been ignoring. Missing details are the key.
Pisces: The Fish
Mercury's direct motion in Cancer sets your mind at ease regarding whatever love affairs you've gotten yourself into, or out of. Venus' movement into Virgo marks period characterized by a heightened awaress of your social skills and the room they have for improvement.
Services: If you'd like a personal consultation with the man behind the mask, message the Baron's mortal vehicle at Xroadsconsultations@gmail.com. The Baron is also available for birthdays, weddings, funerals and orgies.
COPYRIGHT 2007 ABYSSAL EPISTLES
Sol in Cancer, Luna in Gemini
