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 Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 5:37 pm
If i cry, will you care?
If i scream, will you listen?
If i die, will you cry?
If i love, will you ever love me?
My mind screams out and i can tell you cant hear.
I cry on the inside and yet you dont care.
I am dying and you're not crying.
I did love you and you did not care
to show it in return.
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Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 11:10 pm
this is sweet, but careless.
it reads as though it were thrown down in a moment of panic.
although that is sometimes a desired effect, i wonder if something so metaphorical, and so contemplative, doesn't require some obsessive editing.
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 12:27 am
well it was written in a time of death but a confort also
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Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 10:18 pm
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Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 10:06 pm
I don't care for this much.
It needs editing and it's kind of typical. Too many poems have been written with that one question: Do you care? It's over done.
I just don't feel anything when I read this.
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Posted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 8:52 pm
a) it wasnt written at the time of death
b) it has a deeper meanin then what lays on top
c) the poem
If i cry, will you care?
If i scream, will you listen?
If i die, will you cry?
If i love, will you ever love me?
My mind screams out and i can tell you cant hear.
I cry on the inside and yet you dont care.
I am dying and you're not crying.
I did love you and you did not care
to show it in return.
is bout a lost..not a death. it tells of the pain of loosing someone and not knowing if they give a damn...
i really wrote it. he put it up...i should know wht my poem is bout
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