Welcome to Gaia! ::

A generic guitar riff starts up as the audience goes wild with apathy. Ultimate Warrior comes running down the ramp at top speed, circling the ring as the fans don't respond.

Weighing in at a sexual 275 pounds and hailing from parts unknown... Ladies and gentlemen, the man formerly known as Jim Hellwig... This is... WARRIOR....... WARRIOR!!

Warrior slides into the ring, pumping his fists in joy before grabbing hold of the ropes and shaking until the top rope is loosened. The ring crew is called in and begins to tighten the tope. Warrior stands in the turnbuckle as a hypodermic needle is seen sticking in his arm. He waits for his opponent as the crew works on the rope.

"SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM! OH YEAH!"

Pomp and Circumstance plays and Macho Man, Randy Savage struts down to the ring. He opens up a slim jim and screams "Oh yeah!".

He throws his hat at Warrior and says "Be a Man, Hulk! I mean Warrior!"

The smell of Slim Jims combined with the hat is enough to send the Warrior into a rage instantly as he throws the hat down and stomps on it exactly 20 times - no more, no less.

"Macho Man!!! Savage!! This is your last day walking the planet of Ach'um Ra!! I look above to the Gods, and when you fall below the skeletons of the Warriors past, the power of the Warriors will become the eighth wonder of the World! All the Little Warriors love me and they'll continue to love me when you dance under the moons of Venus!!"

The crowd is insanely confused as Warrior's face is a deep shade of red from screaming at Macho Man.

"Ohhh yeah? OHHH YEAH? OHHH YEAH?! Hey there, "Mr.Warrior", I'm too hot to handle! Too cold to hold! I'm the tower of power, too sweet to be sour! Up until now, Warrior, you been running from Macho like I got a disease... I got one thing ONE THING! To say... You got nothing to fear but fear itself... AND THE MACHO MAN!"

With that Macho Man Randy Savage storms into the ring, but as he runs at Warrior he trips on his tassles. Not to lose face, he puts out an elbow as he's going down to make it look like he was only trying to strike the fear of God into warrior by showing him what he could do.

The entire time Macho Man speaks, Warrior stares, nodding, but not actually comprehending.

As Macho Man trips over his tassle, Warrior grins and goes to flex his be-tassled biceps. He flexes as the tassle snaps. He immediately goes down like an idiot in a roid rage, screaming at the top of his lungs and holding his arms as he smears paint on the canvas stupidly.

Macho gets up and runs for the ropes. He climbs to the top rope and attempts a double axe handle on Warrior.

Unforunately Macho forgot to take off his sunglasses and takes out the ref.

By this time, Warrior is up and breathing heavily. The paint on his face is askew and his eyes are bloodshot.

He immediately runs forward and attempts a Lariat. If successful, he will repeat about 5 times as the fans continue to not give a s**t.

Macho is focused on his downed 'opponent'. He climbs the ropes once more, thinking that Warrior is actually just the ref strung out on heroine, cause Macho knows a thing or two about heroine. He delivers the top rope elbow drop to the ref and goes for a pin.

Confused, Warrior gets down and counts the pin on the ref, but the strong willed referee kicks out at two.

Enfuriated, Warrior shakes and breaks another rope as the team gets to work fixing it.

Randy Savage can't believe that who he thought was the Warrior had the nerve to kick out! Rubbing his elbow he says "I can't believe I spent 10,000 years as Intercontinental Champion for this!". As the words leave his mouth, the referee gets a roll up pin, with Warrior pinning 1-2-3.

"BROTHER! YOUR FIGHT ISN'T OVER YET!"

*Cliffhanger*

Warrior paces the ring, doing his taunt for the Gorilla Press Slam by raising the roof. He yells for the audience to raise the roof, but some guy holds up a sign for Sonjay Dutt.

Warrior begins doing an Indian dance in celebration, flexing his muscles and pulling a bottle of baby oil out of his tights and rubbing his pecs.

Commentary - Why the hell is that in his tights?

Warrior throws his hair back as the video turns slow motion before finally picking up as Warrior begins leaving the ring...

A guitar riff plays as Hogan walks out onto the ramp.

"Where do you think you're going, Brother!? The hulkster isn't done with you! Hulkamania is going to run wild on-"

As Hulk is talking, his cellphone cuts him off. "What? THEY'RE ONLY PAYING ME 300,000,000 GOLD FOR THIS?! I DON'T EVEN USE GAIAONLINE, BROTHER! Since I have some personal issues here, I'll give them some extra Hulk time!"

Hulk then begins to taunt, and halfway to cupping his ear, he goes back to his cellphone "Tell them they owe me 5,000$ for that!" and struts out of the arena.

As Hulk is leaving, Warrior does a 10 count, and wins by countout.

"Woo!"

"You are nothing but a normal, you don't deserve to breathe the same air that I and Hulk Hogan do. Hulk Hogan, I must ask you now as you asked me, do you Hulk Hogan want your ideas, your beliefs to live forever? For Hulk Hogan in this normal world, physically none of us can live forever. But the places you have taken the Hulkamaniacs, the ideas and beliefs that you have given them can live through me Hulk Hogan. That is why I breathe, that is why the Warriors have come. Hulk Hogan there are ones that question where you are taking them. Do you no longer want to walk or step into that darkness? Hulk Hogan that darkness I speak of is nothing of fear. It is about the beliefs...of accepting any and all challenges at the cost of losing everything Hulk Hogan. You have lived Hulk Hogan for the last five Wrestlemanias for this one belief. Now Hulk Hogan, I come to take what you believe in, further then you ever could. I come Hulk Hogan, not to destroy the Hulkamaniacs and Hulkamania. I come Hulk Hogan to bring the Warriors and Hulkamaniacs together as one as we Hulk Hogan except all the challenges with all the strength of the Warriors and Hulkamaniacs together. Hulk Hogan the colors of the Hulkamaniacs are coming through the pores of my skin...and Hulk Hogan when we meet Hulk Hogan, I will look at you and you will realize then that I have come to do no one no harm, but only Hulk Hogan to take what we both believe in to places it shall never have been."

Ric Flair walks out, dragging a piece of scrap metal which is really a piece of the airplane that he crashed in. He pulls it down to the ring and pushes it into the ring, sliding in after.

Announcer: "Well I know he's the dirtiest player in the game but this is a little ******** up..."

The bell rings again as Warrior is on the third man in the Gauntlet of Legends.

Warrior start by running in place, still raising the roof. He then pulls the needle out of his arm and tries to stab Flair, who uses the scrap metal as a shield.

CLANG!
CLANG!
CLANG!

Sparks fly all over the ring. A stray spark lands on Flair's robe that is outside the ring, instantly igniting it and the ringside table as Warrior continues the attempts to stab Flair with a hypodermic needle.

Flair attempts to block the needle with a chop! "Wooooo!"

The chop connects as Warrior no sells, flexing like an a*****e.

Warriors massive no sell causes Flair to fall back, however he gets back up right away and chops 3 more times. "WOO WOO WOO!!!!"

The chops connect to Warrior's oily pecs as he screams in roid rage and pain. He attempts to pick up Flair for the same old Back Body Drop spot Flair's been doing for 30 years.

Flair falls on his back.... AND IS BUSTED OPEN!

Warrior begins to do the same raise the roof taunts as he already exhausted his basic moveset on the vicious clotheslines.

Unexpectedly, a young man in a tuxedo walks to the ring with a microphone.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages. We proudly present to you - Warrior vs Flair's Roid Rage vs Road Rage 2 out of 3 Round Challenge!

A girl in a bikini walks the ring apron holding up a sign that says "Round One".

Warrior grabs the ropes again and shakes them to demonstrate his roid rage.

Flair gets up, face bloody, and points to the titantron "WOO WOO WOO!". As he's WOOing crazily he's also jumping up and down.

This is seen on the titantron.

Ric Flair has won round number one.

No fans cheer or boo.

The bikini girl walks the apron with a sign that now says "Round Two".

Warrior runs in circles around the ring, knocking over ringside employees with decapitating clotheslines and screaming at the top of his lungs before kicking over the announce table.

He begins screaming jibberish about other planets as the arena lights darken. This plays on the Titantron as Warrior continues screaming and clotheslining with authority.

Ric Flair picks up his piece of scrap metal and climbs the top rope. He jumps off the top rope with the metal under him, kind of like a toboggan, and slams into a camera man. He thrashes on the ground holding his back, screaming "WOO!" all the while.

Announcer: Oh no! I think the plane is trying to finish what it started so many years ago!

After a few minutes of Flair flopping on the ground he gets up, hair reddened by his blood and body reddened by well... You know. He angrily attacks the camera man and applies a figure four leglock.

Not one to be one-upped, Warrior hits the Gorilla Press Slam on the announcer to demonstrate his roid rage, ending before the third round starts. Picking up the microphone, Warrior rasps into it:

"So you see, Little Warrior, the son of Jupiter, born on the third day of the planetary cycle of war comes to win the Roid Rage vs Road Rage 2 out of 3 round Challenge. But Flair! I'm not finished with your white man a**! White men enslaved my people, gave us diseases, and took our land! I'm going to enslave your a** when I..."

Warrior trails off, dropping the microphone before digging in his tights and pulling out a ring.

Commentary - Does he keep that next to the oil!?

He gets on one knee and looks up to Flair, his eyes still bloodshot and his muscles flexed.

Flair slides into the ring and points at the ring. (Yeah, that's right). He jumps up and down screaming WOO! WOO! and puts the ring on his finger. As he kisses warrior David Flair comes down to celebrate.

Announcer: I guess they're married! Bah Gawd! They say Ric Flair has done it all but...

In a fit of happy roid rage, Warrior hits a Gorilla Press Slam on Flair, mortally wounding him before laying the chunk of the plane next to him.

He turns to David and puts him in a Sleeper that the ref ruled an illegal chokehold, fatally wounding him also. Warrior lays his $300 action figure that never sold on eBay next to David, seemingly in an act of repentance.

Warrior ends it by hanging himself by a tassle on the turnbuckle.

The announcer wakes up and sees the carnage around him.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the results of tonight's match has been ruled a double murder suicide. However, the Gauntlet must continue..."

Norman Smiley walks to the ring wearing his helmet, leftover from WCW, as a mild pop comes from the fan for Screamin' Norman.

Norman waits in the ring for his opponent. Finally, Whatever by Our Lady Peace plays throughout the arena as the fans begin to go wild for Chris Benoit. After a solid minute of noone showing up the ring announcer speaks.

"Due to no-show, Norman Smiley is ruled the winner of the Gauntlet of... err... Legends."

Norman raises his hands to his face as he wiggles his pelvis and girates around the ring before picking up David and performing The Wiggle before leaving.

JR - Bah gawd, Smiley ran the gauntlet! Smiley ran the gauntlet!

surprised controversy!


I mean, NORMAN SMILEY WINNING?! That's the most controversial thing ever!