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Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 9:09 pm
Player: VampyrKitten
RPs Currently Involved In: Menevyr
Name: Linn Dranthis
Gender: Male
Race: Vampire
Age: Seventeen
Appearance: His body is that of a boy in his mid teens; fifteen or sixteen, if one had to guess. His height, only 5'8", enforces this youthful appearance. Long, wild black hair hangs down over his face, and he often has to swipe it out of his eyes in order to see. A face the color of marble and eyes with black irises give him a rather monochromatic look. In moments of extreme emotion, though, his eyes may turn an icy blue. He likes to believe this is left from his human years. A scar runs diagonally from just below his left ear to his chin, though it doesn't stand out very much against his colorless skin. Seeming to shun the idea of colors, he dresses in simple black and white clothes, all of which seem too big for him. The hems of his black pants are frayed from dragging on the ground. The knees are worn through, and his skin is clearly visible. What generally isn't seen, though, is that he wears no shoes; his pants cover his feet completely. A belt hangs loosely around his waist, a black and white checkerboard pattern nearly worn away. From it hangs a kris of a particularly venomous-looking dark green hue- the only bit of color on his person. A white long-sleeve shirt that may have once had buttons hangs from his narrow shoulders, nearly in tatters. As it is no longer buttoned up, much of his upper body is visible. He's thin, but he retains a faintly muscular build in spite of his lack of depth. During the daytime in 'normal' areas of the world, he adopts a slightly heavier wardrobe: A cloak, and various other clothes to keep sunlight off of his skin. It looks very hot and uncomfortable, but he seems to take it in stride.
Magic: None, so far.
Personality: For Linn, the glass isn't only half-empty, it's most likely laced with cyanide as well. Nonetheless, he at least tries to remain realistic, rather than always looking on the bad side. He considers all posibilities, negative and positive. The pessimistic side of him often portrays itself as sarcasm aimed at anyone and everyone he may come across. Provided, of course, he thinks he could take them in a fight. Or escape, which is more likely. He often stops responding for short spells as he loses himself in thought, and sometimes needs to be reminded what he's talking about in a conversation. He seems to differ from the standard idea of wrong and right, but he does cling to some faint idea of morals, however crooked they may be. He claims to have the consciousness of an imp locked away in his mind, though it's entirely possible that it's merely a separate personality caused by some psychological disorder.
History: Born into a desperately poor family, he has been stealing to keep himself alive since he was a small child. He credits the scar on his face to a particularly unsuccessful theft when he was just beginning to live on stolen bread. Other than numerous run-ins with his town's authorities, his early youth was rather uneventful. That changed when he killed for the first time, still no more than a child at the time. Whether it was caused by his rough life or he was simply unbalanced to begin with, he had decided that it would be easier to survive without having to worry about supporting his parents as well. They were becoming too old to get away with theft and their food and money supply was quickly dwindling. Because of his twisted morals, he decided he could not simply leave them to fend for themselves- that would be cruel. Instead, he came to the conclusion that they must be ushered into what must be a better afterlife. Shortly after slitting his parents' throats, he began his life alone- Not a year over eleven at the time. Almost three years passed on the road, and the distrust of people as a whole which had been instilled in him as a child seemed to fester. He became increasingly paranoid and always felt as if he were being followed, perhaps chased for some loaf of bread he'd stolen years ago. Often avoiding certain people for no better reason than that they 'were against him,' he tolerated others only if he thought it would directly benefit him. While he tended to not become attached, he did often find himself around people. He 'settled down,' hanging around mercenary bands and thieves' guilds; Whatever was close. Sometime after his seventeenth birthday, all hell broke loose. He fell ill, and was stuck in bed. He grew pale, and seemed to be worst during the daytime... Especially if sunlight shone through the windows onto him. Shortly after, the town he was in was leveled. Not 'demolished'- leveled. He went to sleep one morning (he'd begun to take up a nocturnal sleep cycle, for some reason) and woke up at nightfall to find himself in a bleak wasteland. Stranger still, his illness seemed to have disappeared! He was still deathly pale, but that was to be expected for a while, right? Exploring his surroundings, he found that the immediate area was always nighttime, and was completely flat. He found it odd that he could see through what was quite obviously pitch-black, but thought little of it. A day or two after the disappearance of his town, he made a startling discovery: The tundra abruptly ended after a while and was surrounded with perfectly healthy land! Rushing out into the daylight, he found out the hard way that he was burned by the sun's rays. He also learned that whatever he was now was hated by... well... practically everyone. He frequently had to deal with nearby villagers trying to enter his domain and attempting to kill him. They were easily dealt with, though, once he realized that they couldn't see and he could. After slating his newfound hunger for blood (odd, odd, odd....), he gathered up the heavier bits of their clothes and managed to go out into the sunlight as long as he kept his skin covered completely. He then set out to see what the hell was going on in the world...
((Geh. I know I went kind of overboard on... pretty much everything. I just started writing and ended up with way more than I planned on putting down before I was happy with it. [Edit]: Also, yeah, I know the whole parents thing has been beaten to death, resurrected, and then killed again.. but I thought it was important that he kill them. I know it's no excuse, but hey, at least they weren't taken out by an orc attack. >.<))
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Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 7:56 pm
Ugh, I hate to be one of those people that bumps their own thread when it probably doesn't need it, but I'd really like to know what you guys think of this. I'm looking to improve, and to do that, I need to know what I'm doing wrong.
.. And yeahh.. I know I'm being impatient, but I've never really had a chance to have other people give me much feedback on any of my writing/RPing.
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Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:11 pm
Heh, I know what you mean [as I did that with my own thread a few minutes ago sweatdrop ] I've honestly tried to say something about your profile-though I find it extremely well-written. You'll have to give me a moment or two-I'm going to go over it again in detail. I'll review it if it's the last thing I do!
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Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:32 pm
Alrighty-it isn't much of a criticism, but it's all I could scrape together. Bear with me...
There are many different types when referring to twisted.So what I'm asking here is-what sort of twisted. Does he kill his parents because he loves them [almost insanely or fanatically]? Does he kill them out of mercy/pity? Or does he kill them under false beliefs [i.e. they have a crappy life here-so they'd be treated better after death].
Everyone becomes hardened by being a nomad apparently. Though, what if he was more paranoid than hardened, as if he was being watched by someone. Or maybe he was feeling guilty, about a particular situation. It's extremely hard-even born into a poor lifestyle-to become solitary. Eventually such solitude leads to types of madness. Even a feeling of childishness, or innocence. Obviously you're not going for innocence, but maybe you could find a nice little niche in between-or hanging on one more than the other. Yes we know he's rejected. Yes we know he's maybe a bit angry. Though what if he was a bit sad-lacking human attention, possibly even craving it. Those are just some examples of different secluded types-if you're not going for that area though, try thinking up ways to add more depth to your character. We want to know the inner workings of him-our characters will be skeptical, but we know who he is-and won't make mistakes trying to figure that out.
Lastly, this "mentor" will he be making an appearance-at all in his life? He does seem a big part the way you worded it. If he's not that big of a deal-try not giving him such an important part, by saying he escaped. You can tell us he ran away or got away-something like that-but I just feel a gravity to how you described the situation. Even in such a small sentence.
Hope that's not too bad for you to respond to or bother reading.
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Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 9:00 pm
Commented on your profile as well. >.>
At any rate, I tried to give an understanding of his reasoning for killing them- To let them live in poverty alone would be 'cruel' to him, but leading them, so to speak, to an afterlife that he assumed would be better was a noble act.
Nomads, I believe, would have to be hard or die. Unless you're in a traveling band of people or something, you don't really have anyone to rely on but yourself. Paranoia is entirely likely with him, but I didn't immediately consider it when writing the story. I'll have to work it in. Solitude? That's the reason behind his "imp" personality, though he doesn't realize it, and I suppose I did a poor job of explaining it. It isn't mentioned in the history because he never really locked the imp up into his mind, but he has invented memories of it happening. I originally intended for people, even as players rather than characters, to always guess whether it was an actual imp or he was just nuts. It wouldn't change RP much at all if it were one rather than the other unless an exorcism came up (In which case, I'd make it known through the RP itself).
The mentor may or may not appear again, though I was considering it. The wording of 'escape,' along with the rest of the bit about him, was meant to imply that he was, basically, a tyrant. He made Linn a vampire because he thought it would be funny, and because he more or less wanted a little slave. I figure if he does come back, it will be in flashbacks of sorts, or communicate telepathically with Linn if he particularly feels like annoying the poor kid (Which the imp will also do, most likely leading to Linn being put in dangerous situations because he's listening to the voices in his head. Fun fun fun.)
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Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 9:48 pm
Let me reword this. I'd like to see how you use this character in an Rp. It seems that his personality needs to be delicately played, or else it just turns out to be another vampire story. Go ahead PM me when you do start using him. I'm interested to see how he fits in.
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Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 10:17 am
It bothers me that you don't have an exact age for when he killed his parents. xd
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Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 11:09 am
History He began his life alone after slitting his parents' throats shortly after his eleventh birthday.
Sorry if it was unclear, but yeah. He was eleven. I hadn't notice how.. kinda.. muddled that sentence is, so I'm going to go back and fix it.
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Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 5:10 pm
O dear! Silly me! I only saw/remembered Quote: That changed when he killed for the first time, still no more than a child at the time 11 is kinda young, but that sort of thing does happen sometimes. Just don't be surprised if someone picks on the age. mrgreen I'd like to see more detail on the racism thing. Well, that sort of thing interests me in general. ninja
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Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 6:44 pm
Yeah, 11 is extremely young to be doing anything like that, but back in medieval times, I think that children weren't as, I don't know.. innocent as they are now? *Shrugs* I don't think it's COMPLETELY unrealistic, though no, I won't be surprised if anyone else says something about it.
As for racism.. I may add more about it, but I really didn't want to get into much detail about it. Just enough that people don't like vampires, and he was slowly realizing that. I also figured that I may already have a bit... much written. It depends on if I feel like writing more about it in the near future. Which, knowing me, I probably will eventually. It may just be a little while.
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Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 5:53 pm
Bump to prevent dead-zone... -ness, since I need to rework it a little. [edit]:AHA! Complete history overhaul!
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