|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 12:33 pm
Almost every single American (non-Asian/Hispanic) I meet either in gaia or in real life have divorced parents. I'm still learning about this country, and I dont want this stereotype to crowd my mind.
But kindly argue against me why does this country seem so sex crazy, divorce-happy and seemingly unsatisfied in its affluence.
I've recently been to a golden aniversary of my (Asian) family friends.. it was one of the most touching and beautiful moments of their lives, it seems, with all the photographed memories and family vids shown on that yacht trip. Happy families together, one love till death do they part...
But I bet Americans think this love ideal is crap, no? Billboards say, "Life is short, get a divorce." I wonder if this individualistic culture can find other souces of happiness besides sex 3nodding Your partner gets old, get a younger one twisted Oh what fun! (yes, I'm forcing you peeps to give a strong counter-argument basd on personal experience) rolleyes
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 1:02 pm
synzygus Almost every single American (non-Asian/Hispanic) I meet either in gaia or in real life have divorced parents. I'm still learning about this country, and I dont want this stereotype to crowd my mind. But kindly argue against me why does this country seem so sex crazy, divorce-happy and seemingly unsatisfied in its affluence. I've recently been to a golden aniversary of my (Asian) family friends.. it was one of the most touching and beautiful moments of their lives, it seems, with all the photographed memories and family vids shown on that yacht trip. Happy families together, one love till death do they part... But I bet Americans think this love ideal is crap, no? Billboards say, "Life is short, get a divorce." I wonder if this individualistic culture can find other souces of happiness besides sex 3nodding Your partner gets old, get a younger one twisted Oh what fun! (yes, I'm forcing you peeps to give a strong counter-argument basd on personal experience) rolleyes I have wondered the same thing. I think that America needs to take a lesson from other countries about family values and such.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 3:46 pm
I'm American (and non-Asian or Hispanic), and my parents are still together. My older sister has been married for a few years and she's still married as well. No one's been divorced on either my mother's or father's side of the family, now that I think about it. And I can only think of four close friends whose parents are divorced or separated. But, all this aside:
While it's true that married couples are a minority in America, I don't think it's because we're all obsessed with sex. XD While we do live in a sex-saturated society, I don't think that's the core problem. I think the media has warped the meaning of love and marriage, they show it as something "temporary", they depict having multiple marriages in one's lifetime to be "normal". I know all Americans don't feel that way, but because we're bombarded by these images in magazines and on the TV a lot of people are corrupted by it.
I think it also has a lot to do with the way you're raised. If you're raised in a home with parents who aren't as loyal to each other as they should be, you may be more prone to grow up and think that that's normal behavior.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 4:24 pm
My parents have been married 29 years and they have no plans on divorce. Then again, as far as the high divorce rates go a good chunk of that is between couples who have not had children and just figure they shouldn't keep up something they don't enjoy. In that case why is it so bad to divorce?
I could counter your, in my opinion annoyingly put together, argument that America is sex crazy and divorce happy with the argument that Americans feel free to make changes in their lives when needed and not locked into something that essentially is a religious bond in the first place even if they are not religious.
As far as sex I can point out numerous other cultures that take sexuality to a much further degree than America. In fact America is one of the more sexually repressed countries that I can think of. As a culture America may be obsessed, but it is more with self repression in terms of sex.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 5:27 pm
My grandpa (maternal) died at 75 just shy of the 50 year wedding anniversary he would have loved with my grandma. She is still in love with him eventhough he's dead. They were like newlyweds up until the very end.
My dad's side of the family is different. His parents have stayed together 50 years and desperately hate each other for it.
I would argue that circumstances can contribute greatly to divorce, and not just during the marriage, but before as well.
In this country I think there are alot of circumstances that make it exceptionally difficult for couples, and not just social or financial expectations, but what we are taught to expect from our lovers which I think at times is highly unrealistic and uncompromising.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 5:37 pm
I'm actually going to argue this from the other side. I think there's a lot of divorce out there because there are a lot of people who are married to each other because our society expects it of them, regardless of the people involved. I'm soon to be divorced myself, and I'm looking back and realizing that I wanted to be married for all the wrong reasons. Yes, I loved my wife, but I couldn't trust her with money, I couldn't trust her words, she was way too independent to be anyone's wife, and in the end I married her because everyone around me expected me to. I would have been just as happy living with her without the marriage. Possibly happier.
What I've grown sick of is seeing "family values" be the shield behind which one can hide the reality: "Sure, he beats me, and he sleeps with other women, and he's threatened the kids...and drinks...and I have to work two jobs because he spends all his money on booze and his girlfriends...and the children never see us any more...I'm not even sure how they're doing in school, for that matter...but divorce is bad!"
Honestly, the best thing that could have happened to my parents was for them to divorce (which they did, just shy of their 20th anniversary), same as for my ex-to-be and I (we separated last March and I'm waiting on her to file out of sheer terror at what will happen if I'm the one that moves first).
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 7:35 pm
The proof of this influence of the media was rather simply put in my Speech class. "Name five movies in the past ten years that have shown a married couple having really good sex." By the way, my professor that I had is a movie critic. There isn't that many that have been made. Just my thoughts.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 8:51 pm
Well, Germans have a lower divorce rate than the US, and they’re not very religious, and they don’t have many children (if you subtract Turks and Muslim-Germans).
I agree that many factors, such as the media, the environment, financial situations and other circumstances play significant roles. I watch Still Standing, a sitcom about a middleclass family that’s doing fine, and the couples are always having fun sex.
Politically speaking, I’m all for divorce: whatever makes you happy. (or should I say, whatever makes the couple happy). If divorce has no effect on the kids, then its fine, I mean who cares having 5 step dads? The more, the merrier--especially if they’re cool. I don’t know really if Lifetime or CNN are credible. Book/magazine statistics keep changing. I get mixed results from real life and Gaia. (Why have one turkey dinner if you can have five? Plus, more birthday gifts!)
Realistically, however, I ask your opinions: does divorce contribute happiness or sorrow? Should we believe the fictions of depression, drugs and the money needed for future therapists? If fictions caused by media or expressions made by the community endorsing divorce do in fact cause a cycle that influences younger generations, then it’s all a profitable business for the US (more job opportunities for lawyers and counselors, and for critics either for or against divorce, lolz).
Nevertheless, I want to know if there are ways to reduce “unhappy marriages and sad families.” Perception of happiness is different for each individual case, but I want to make a universal assessment.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 12:06 pm
I think the situation of the high divorce rate is a worldwide situation. I'm not in the US, but in my country this year we had one of the highest divorce rates in history. I think the problem is younger generations all around the world are simply taking marriage less seriously.
In my personal experience, my parents are still married after 24 years, shich is odd, taking in mind that my uncle just got divorced and he had being married for 26 years (cheating involved).
I suppose that for it must be very difficult for married couples in modern times to stay together, or simply, like I said they are not completely set on the compromise.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 11:39 am
Allena D I think the situation of the high divorce rate is a worldwide situation. I'm not in the US, but in my country this year we had one of the highest divorce rates in history. I think the problem is younger generations all around the world are simply taking marriage less seriously. I completely agree, and why wouldn't we take it less seriously?
I believe that the most satisfying thing that can happen to a human is change. Whether thats a different job, a different place to live, or a different spouse, it's a healthy thing. It keeps us stimulated.
As for your remarks about us being sex crazy... well... it's not american culture. It's the human condition. Everyone likes sexy, whether they are open about it or not.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 6:25 pm
Updated.
My ex's -non Asian, non Hispanic- grandparents have been together for almost 50+ years. Try that on for size. My -non Asian, non Hispanic- great grandparents have been together for 60ish years, and they still flirt like teenagers.
Apparently the divorce rate in the US recently dropped down to 30-something%, the lowest its been since the '70s. I heard this on MSNBC, I don't know who they were quoting.
To follow the "American way" is to be "independent". Your spouse isn't your other half, they're just a partner you've chosen for the time being. Women that dare to stay home to take care of the kids, cook, clean, and nurture their husbands are oftentimes loathed for it by the rest of this society for being too "weak and submissive" to spend their time and energy on a career. If a husband cares more about his wife's wants and needs than he cares about his freedom to act like a bachelor, he gets called whipped. If a woman cares more about her husband's wants and needs than she cares about her freedom to act like a bachelor, she's labeled as being "anti-women's rights."
We've also been spoiled with instant satisfaction. Your spouse is supposed to be beneficial to you, and, should the relationship suddenly need actual work and sacrifice, you should just get rid of them and find someone new to please you. Marriage isn't a long-term commitment if you don't want it to be. Why should you bother even being sure that you want to be with the person you're with when you marry them? Ever thought about bachelor parties? They're celebrations of you last few moments of freedom before you make the horrible sacrifice of being faithful to a single person. And don't forget all the marriages that are the result of a child being born. There are plenty of people that think that a child needs to know their parents are married in order to be capable of growing up to be a healthy adult. It doesn't matter how much the parents hate each other, they get married anyway, as if that piece of paper makes up for the terrible example of what relationships are like that they are showing their kid.
There isn't anything sacred about marriage in the minds of many people in the US. More and more, I'm meeting people that don't want to get married, because its just a tax write-off to them, and not worth the hassle should they ever decide to part ways with the person they're with. They may intend to be with that person forever, but don't see any point to getting hitched.
My parents got married when I was a year old, only because my dad decided it was the "proper" thing to do. They split up when I was 11. I wish they had never gotten married. I hated dealing with how much they hated each other.
I was born and raised in the US. I have no problem with divorce. Regardless, when I say my vows in 2 months, it won't be my way of saying "Hey, I like you right now." It will be my way of saying "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I will fight as hard as I can to ensure that that will happen. And I want the rest of the world to know that I am yours, completely yours, and you are mine."
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 6:32 pm
This is an argument I have with my grandma almost everyday and she's been married for over 60 years and just can't get why people get devorced. Bascially, it comes down to three things: young girls want to get married, so they marry fast. The young girls and guys get old and want to have the fun they missed when they were young, so they go their seperate ways, claiming it was other things. People aren't willing to work things out, because they don't have to. And, yes, we are sex-craved. Guys want sex and girls want sex and if they aren't getting it at home, they'll go somewhere else and feel fine about it. Either way, it's a mess, but hopefully, the kids scarred by divorce will fix the next generation... sweatdrop
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 10:09 pm
My mother's been married three times, and living with a 4th live-in boyfriend/permanent fiancé at the moment; I've been a latchkey kid since I was 12 and I've considered myself the child of a single parent my entire life.
My father was an alcoholic and finally drank himself to death when I was five; she'd divorced him two years previous, for obvious reasons.
When I was about six or seven she married my first stepfather; she divorced him after he financially ruined them both by wrecking his cars and getting DUI's, and started accusing her of cheating on him with everyone she knew-- I think the last straw was when he accused my mom of having a lesbian affair with one of my friend's mothers, Maria. (My mom's just shy of homophobic and thinks all gays are screwed up in the head.)
Then, when I was thirteen, she married a big fat ******** who liked to beat his kids. He did horrible things to me and my stepbrothers, and made a point of lying to my mother about things I'd done wrong, so that she wouldn't believe me when I told her about the things that he'd done. We left about 7 years ago. She still doesn't believe me. She's still waiting on the divorce papers because he won't sign them.
And why did she keep falling for these jerks, you ask? Because she was chasing an American dream that wasn't real.
Some people just have s**t luck and bad judgment when it comes to choosing a spouse. People like my mom get suckered into the idea that marriage is a perfect union between husband and wife; they want to settle down and have those 2.5 kids and a white picket fence but they don't realize how outdated and unreasonable that is. They go into it expecting everything to suddenly turn magical and wonderful when the priest says "You may kiss the bride," and then they're shocked when the wonderful friend they've been dating slowly becomes a horrible spouse. So they last as long as they can and then they hang it up and give it another go.
At least, that's how it's always seemed to me.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2007 6:31 am
Frankly if you look back on history and see this coming. In the late 1970's a trend was developing that centered on self beneficial actions and a throw-away attitude towards others. The trend is known as ME-ism, as in "how will this benefit ME?" The 1980's did nothing to solve this especially with the markets and instead shot it through the roof, and the 1990's people just didn't care anymore. So now people are self centered and no one cares because they are too, which is why when people actually do break the mold they're not exactly trumped up to the world as if to say "See Marriage does work!"
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|