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 Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 6:55 pm
My Darkness
Destruction of all the empty spaces
A dull meaning for lives
Ridding us of fear, but at the same time giving it
Kind and peaceful to drift to sleep
New day awaits soon, now
Even if every new day stays dark
Still I love to say,
Sitting in darkness is a wonderful experience
The Lightning (A freeverse poem)
A roar of thunder heard from far above the city
As lightning breaks its way through
A fa light streak streams across the sky
Nothing to dare stand in its way
Pillars of metal, striking from rooftops
Seem to distract it
Though the countryside towns, not so lucky
Nothing to stop the energy
If only the small chance for a tree
But without, this ground will shatter and burn
Eden
~~~~
Bite it through,
Bite it true,
Break the truth,
Split the tooth.
~
Break the rule,
Suffer gruel,
Take the bite,
Start the fight.
~
Apple lies,
God's only eyes,
Catch on you,
Breaking rules through.
~
No more Eden,
Break the even,
Turn on the night,
Turn out your light.
~
The rule broke,
You never spoke,
Your matter your choice,
Heard not your voice.
Final day.
~~~~
Thrust the blade,
Slit the throat.
Kill you now,
No more to gloat.
~
Killing the ultimate weapon,
Breaking the fighters flesh.
Deliver the final blow,
This will end the show.
~
Give your head to god,
Give the body to birds.
This will end the show,
And these are your final words.
~
Destroy me I think not,
Leave your body there to rot.
She you killed,
I forget her not.
~
Your life is over,
Your joy is nowhere to be found.
Nothing left to live for,
Next person to see you,
Six feet underground.
Those are peoms that I've written in the last few years, all the way back from when I was 11 (which is the poem before this writing, I had a deadly mind back then). Rate them and use the names to tell me which ones, the names are italicised, and don't forget, the first is a Ballad (a song-like poem ((with a chorus)) ) The second is a freeverse (no rhyme or sylable scheme) and the other two are normal rhythmatic poems.
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Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 12:22 pm
Those were all good. Final Day was my favourite out of the 4. They're all quite dark though, try mixing it up slightly and do a poem about something happy.
On the whole though I'll give them 7/10 I would've rated them higher but I prefer poems to rhyme and although the actual content of 'My Darkness' and 'The Lightning' was very good, it would have been more impactful with rhyme.
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Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 8:30 pm
-nods, nods- But those were for LA... : I had to make an acrostic (My Darkness) and a freeverse (The Lightning)
Acrostics and freeverses alike aren't supposed to rhyme. If you take that into consideration, how do you think?
I feel you, man... I HATE writing poems with no rhymes.
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Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 7:13 pm
Didnt you send me these once? They are good ^^
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DifferentInYourEyes Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 7:23 pm
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Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 7:24 pm
Yay. I love you guys (girls, REALLY) x333
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