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 Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 7:03 pm
A poem about a boy at his window, watching rain, and his thoughts.
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Blood Rain, Sky Tear
Raindrops fall gently
Dancing through the evening air
Almost lovingly
Whispering their song to us
Telling us all life’s secrets
They are drops of blood
Running down the blade of pain
To fall in darkness
Drops of blood for pain and death
All a lie of hurt and night
They are water drops
Flowing through the stream of life
Conforming quickly
When all alone, they are weak
When together, they are strong
They are tears of truth
Of sorrow, joy, and sadness
Stirring emotions
Emotions wheel through your head
Falling as tears to the ground
Marid of meanings
Shifting quick through time and space
Whispering secrets
Or are they simply raindrops
Falling here, blood rain, sky tears
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Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 7:16 pm
First, I had a problem with the blade of pain part. A little cliche and I think you can do better.
Also, the they are water drops part. Rain is water so saying it again is like we already know that. Work on the part and it will be much better I think. mrgreen
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Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 8:01 pm
Blue_Mascara First, I had a problem with the blade of pain part. A little cliche and I think you can do better. Also, the they are water drops part. Rain is water so saying it again is like we already know that. Work on the part and it will be much better I think. mrgreen Well, when I wrote this(bout 6 monts ago0 I didn't know it was slishe... so, whatever. and the waterdrops part is ment to state the obvious, the boy is seeing that for the first time, life is life, and nothing else.
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Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 8:25 pm
yea i think the waterdrops part is just saying "is it just the waterdrops on the window, or something more than that" as it was explained.
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Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 8:36 pm
Talmar_Star_Blood Blue_Mascara First, I had a problem with the blade of pain part. A little cliche and I think you can do better. Also, the they are water drops part. Rain is water so saying it again is like we already know that. Work on the part and it will be much better I think. mrgreen Well, when I wrote this(bout 6 monts ago0 I didn't know it was slishe... so, whatever. and the waterdrops part is ment to state the obvious, the boy is seeing that for the first time, life is life, and nothing else. No, thats not at all what I meant. You are using metaphors and you start talking about a stream. You say raindrops are just water in a stream and I htought it was a little too obvious. I did not get that water is water and someone is seeing that for the same time at all. If that is what you are getting at, than that is something you definitely have to work on that as well.
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Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2007 10:25 am
Talmar_Star_Blood Blue_Mascara First, I had a problem with the blade of pain part. A little cliche and I think you can do better. Also, the they are water drops part. Rain is water so saying it again is like we already know that. Work on the part and it will be much better I think. mrgreen Well, when I wrote this(bout 6 monts ago0 I didn't know it was slishe... so, whatever. and the waterdrops part is ment to state the obvious, the boy is seeing that for the first time, life is life, and nothing else.
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