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 Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 9:54 am
Warning! Rant ahead!
I've been dating this guy for the past one and a half years. My longest relationship before him was one and a half months. We were pretty happy at first, although he felt like he didn't deserve me. As time progressed, we fought more and more. It used to be only once in a while, but we'd go through periods where we did nothing but fight. He's broken up with me countless times.. At first it was because he wanted me to be with someone who was worthy. Then it was because he's a "terrible boyfriend" or that we're "not good for each other." He goes through stages where he thinks that all of our problems either his fault or mine.
Recently, he's been mad at me for snapping at him on the phone. He has this terrible habit of keeping me on the phone when I want to get off or have to do something. I was going to be late for work if I stayed on. I kept looking at the clock and getting more anxious and agitated, and started snapping at him that I was going to be late. I told him calmly once that I needed to go, but he just didn't listen. He said he would say goodbye as soon as I calmed down, which pissed me off even more because I felt like he was condescending to me. I finally hung up on him (which he absolutely hates) and ran out the door and was just barely on time. I apologized later, but he was still mad at me.
I told him to just let me get off the phone right when I said I needed to and not drag it out. He knows that I start to freak out when I'm low on time.. He did that to me again the next two days. I got snappy right off the bat because I knew he would do it. He got pissed off, and swore that I was snapping at him when I talked to him later (when I wasn't). It's gotten to the point where he called me lastnight, made me feel like crap (because I apparently made him feel worthless, so it was deserved), and told me that I have three days to make things better, or he's going to leave.
I felt like crap, but the funny thing is.. I didn't feel anything else. Maybe I was just numbed to it, because things like this have happened before, and "breaking up" no longer means anything because he's done it so many times. I think back to happy times with him and wonder if that's all in the past. I don't want anybody else to have him, but I'm not entirely that I want him, either. Maybe I'm just living in the past, or in a different reality. Maybe a world where he doesn't have such bad anger and jealousy problems.. Some alternate reality where we're actually happy.
I'm afraid to let him go. I love him despite his flaws. I think I'm attached. As messed up as this sounds, I know it's unhealthy; I just don't care. I think that things can get better, but at the same time I think that there's too much poison in this. My heart and mind are in turmoil. All of my thoughts and feelings conflict. I know that alone should be reason to leave, but I keep hoping that things will get better. I've been thinking about this all day, and I'm still as confused as ever.
Long story short:
-Been with boyfriend for 1 1/2 years, not all of it has been going well
-Occasional fight turned into frequent
-I made a mistake, and he's being a hardass about it (I'm much more forgiving towards him)
-He's given me three days to make things better, or he's leaving for good
-I don't know what to do. All of my thoughts and feelings conflict.
-He wants an answer NOW.
If you actually read all of that, thank you, and sorry for the text wall. I've never told that much to anybody. I just don't talk about these things to anybody.
Any advice is much appreciated...
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Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 9:43 am
Welcome.
I know i my old boy friend knew i hated being late as well but he refused to say good bye. i got madder and madder until finaly like you i hung up. He was SO mad at me the next day even though i apoligized.
Guys can be such donkeys somtimes!
I know i know.
Finally after breaking my heart 5 times he broke up with me ripping myheart into pieces and throing it into a buring fire breaking my heart for the 6th time he still wanted to be friends and continued saying he loved me i just said No you dont, if you love m you wouldnt of broek up with me 6 times! you wouldnt of broken my herat 6 f**ken times!!!!!!!!
i still loved him that was the thing. i loved him more then life itself i would of died if it ment he lived.
but i kept forgiving him after he cheated on me the first time then the second and thrid, then after he broke up with my the last 2 times. the sixth time i forgave him ofcourse but i stayed away i never got back together with him even though i wanted to, i knew that i would get hurt again if i did. so i stayed in pain until now when i am a single mom of a child that i did not have..but if you want to know how i got her just ask.
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Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 11:17 am
 He sounds extremely immature to me.
And if he does things like that now, think about what he'll be doing in a year from now.
I'd say if you guys do break-up, and make it the last time. No one deserves to have someone who irritates them, and does little things just to get up under their skin.
It's pretty much childish. :/ If you feel like he's not treating you right, then you need to get out. You don't need to make yourself miserable to make someone else happy.
Unless it's your children, and it's in a fair matter.
But if you really believe things can get better, then they can. But the both of you really have to work for it. And try to understand where eachother is coming from.
If there's no understanding, then it really can't work.
I'm just talking from experience, and from what you've told me. I've never seen a heart that I couldn't break.
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Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 11:38 pm
He's more like an overprotective, anger-prone husband than he is a boyfriend.. I don't want to go into too much detail, because I know that sort of thing gets boring. I just don't think he'll ever really understand me. Tonight he said he wished I was "normal."
He keeps telling me to leave and trying to force me to. I really do want things to get better, but I'm not sure if that can happen. We get along pretty well sometimes, but we both have quirks that just sets the other person off. I wish I had stayed single and not fallen in love. I'm the type of person who needs room to breathe and be my own person, where he wants someone to hold him almost too tight. Everything is just so messed up.. It's just one of those things that's hard to get out of, because I don't really want to. Even if it's for the better.
Frewty, how did you get the little girl? It's comforting to know that other people have gone through the same thing.. I wish it didn't have to happen to any of us, though. sad
@Plastik - He wants to be treated as the 18-year-old adult that he is, but at 16 (almost 17), I think I'm more mature than he is. One of my friends has said that, too. We've been trying to make this work for several months. If anything, we just postpone breaking up. Something has to give, and neither of us is willing to budge. I can change some things about myself, but I can't change everything he wants me to without destroying who I am. I also don't want to change unless I know that he is, too. I'm not the only one who should make a sacrifice. He just says that he can't change.
I'm as unsure of our future as ever. I know I'm young and have plenty of time to find the one for me, but it's hard to let go of this.. Especially after all the firsts I've lost to him. sad
Thank you guys for reading my rants.. I really appreciate it. It's nice to finally get some things off my chest, especially since I never talk to people about our problems.
heart
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Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 1:18 pm
QueenMaeve He's more like an overprotective, anger-prone husband than he is a boyfriend.. I don't want to go into too much detail, because I know that sort of thing gets boring. I just don't think he'll ever really understand me. Tonight he said he wished I was "normal."
He keeps telling me to leave and trying to force me to. I really do want things to get better, but I'm not sure if that can happen. We get along pretty well sometimes, but we both have quirks that just sets the other person off. I wish I had stayed single and not fallen in love. I'm the type of person who needs room to breathe and be my own person, where he wants someone to hold him almost too tight. Everything is just so messed up.. It's just one of those things that's hard to get out of, because I don't really want to. Even if it's for the better.
Frewty, how did you get the little girl? It's comforting to know that other people have gone through the same thing.. I wish it didn't have to happen to any of us, though. sad
@Plastik - He wants to be treated as the 18-year-old adult that he is, but at 16 (almost 17), I think I'm more mature than he is. One of my friends has said that, too. We've been trying to make this work for several months. If anything, we just postpone breaking up. Something has to give, and neither of us is willing to budge. I can change some things about myself, but I can't change everything he wants me to without destroying who I am. I also don't want to change unless I know that he is, too. I'm not the only one who should make a sacrifice. He just says that he can't change.
I'm as unsure of our future as ever. I know I'm young and have plenty of time to find the one for me, but it's hard to let go of this.. Especially after all the firsts I've lost to him. sad
Thank you guys for reading my rants.. I really appreciate it. It's nice to finally get some things off my chest, especially since I never talk to people about our problems.
heart Seriously, I really think you should break it off. It's not right for him to try and change you.
You have to love someone for who they are, their imperfections, and all. If you don't, you'll just die alone really.
I know it'll be hard, and seriously, I know how hard it is to get over someone. But wounds do heal, especcially when you meet someone that will treat and love you better than him. You might even have to go through a couple of more assholes to get to that person.
But I'm one person that has gone through a lot of shitty relationships and now has a boyfriend that treats me like a queen.
Don't change yourself for anyone, ever in life, it's not fair to you. Find someone that can appreciate you, and love you, not wish you were something else.
You need to let go, move on, and be happy. Sometimes you think you won't be happy with that person, and then you find out you were happier being alone then ever being around that said person.
And if he won't sacrifice anything, he's not worth anything. Relationships are constantly about sacrifices, if he can't understand that. Well, he'll figure it out one day, the hard way.
Just my 2 cents. D: I've never seen a heart that I couldn't break.
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 10:01 pm
Sounds like he has super low self-esteem.
That's something not so easy to change. If it were me in your position I would have already run out of chances to give him.
He shouldn't be trying to turn you into someone you're not.
And the fact that he almost makes you late for work is just plain irritating.
What you need to do is sit him down and say that you really love him (if you do) and that although that's a lot to go on, it's not enough. Things have to work out in other ways too.
He needs to respect you, if not himself.
If he can't do that much, then you should do the leaving, not him.
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Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 12:00 pm
Boys are so confusing.. He said that he loves me, and that's what matters most (and I know he's not lying). I was really considering leaving him, but then he gave me his class ring. He moved to a town two hours away yesterday for college. Maybe the space will help push me in one direction or the other.
I've changed since moving from San Jose to a small town in Ohio. If I were the old me, I would have never put up with any of this. Then again, the old me had never truly been in love before.
Thank you so much for the input, you two. I feel like I have the will to leave him if things get bad again.
heart heart
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