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 Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 12:59 am
Miho twitched slightly. So much for the garden being quiet, it was swarming with people. With a groan and an irritated tug on her hair Miho glanced around in search of any quiet spot. .... Preferably one with no people.
Ah ha.
She'd spotted the hedge maze. There shouldn't be that many people in there. Especially because people would deterred by the fact that they could easily get lost in the maze and not be able to make it back to class on time. With a sigh of relief she slipped into the maze. As she worked her way farther in silence began to descend and she sighed softly in relief. While noise didn’t REALLY bother her it was so often associated with large groups of people that she always became tense when it was loud, almost automatically.
More relaxed now she glanced about, taking actual note of her surroundings for the first time. Deeper in the maze roses of all sorts of colors grew along the hedge. It was actually very pretty. Miho paused for a moment, smiling softly as a bird darted past her nose. Following after it she came out into a clearing, in the middle of the clearing was a gazebo with roses climbing around the sides of it.
With a happy sigh she settled down on the steps of the gazebo, dropping her bag beside her and rummaging in it until she found her sketchpad and pencil. She settled back, waiting quietly for the animals to resume whatever they’d been doing before she had showed up.
Glancing about she saw a small squirrel with a nut clutched in it’s paws staring nervously at her. Smiling softly she brought her pencil to the page and began sketching the small animal with quick and deft strokes of her pencil. Finishing her rough sketch, she would polish it later from memory, she glanced around it search of her next subject.
She spotted a small starling type bird struggling with a worm that was bigger than it’s head. Chuckling she began sketching again. These were the only times at school that she truly enjoyed. The times when there was nothing around her except for nature. Her face had a soft, peaceful expression, softening her features and making her much more attractive. Now it only this little hideaway would stay thing way forever.
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Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 2:57 am
Meanwhile, a silver-haired student adjusted his collar, groaning inwardly at the number of his fellow classmates already assembled at the gardens. Somehow, he had been hoping to get away from the school building, lest they decide to take his ipod from him. He needed to listen to them somewhere in peace.
Attempting to shove his way past the clusters, Roka struggled to escape, only to catch a glimpse of a familiar sillouette against the greenery. He frowned, looking up from his ipod screen, eyes narrowed. Now who could that be? It was difficult to tell from the back, but whoever she was seemed to be acting rather suspicious. Before he had time to blink, she had slipped past the outer hedge wall of the garden maze. Roka's mouth dropped open, horrified. Did she really believe she could get out as easily as she came in?
Shaking his head in dismay, it took little more than a minute for Roka to make up his mind. Casually, he strolled over to the maze entrance. Then, as unconspicuously as he could manage, Roka entered the living labyrinth, praying he would manage to retrieve the girl before he forgot which path lead to the exit. Unfortunately for him, the lyrics to the song he had selected replaced his memory of the pathway the instant it began to play. Yet it would be some time yet before he realized this.
It was Miho, the boy decided as he walked. Even with his ear-pieces in, even he couldn't ignore the wildlife and beauty of nature surrounding him. It had to be Miho. She's the only girl I can think of who'd prefer to get herself lost in a maze than in a crowd...I wonder how she's been doing since classes started?
Upon coming upon the very gazebo the girl had discovered, however, Roka's emerald eyes widened, and he was already re-thinking his guess. That's not Miho. There's no way... He regarded the girl in amazement. Framed by the enchanting red roses that blossomed about her, the vision seemed no more than a dream. And yet, the sweet fregrance of the flowers and the music of his ipod blaring in his ear assued him it was not. For certain, this was no dream.
Who, then, was this mysterious maiden? And what was she doing all by herself out here? Roka silently approached the gazebo from the side and slowly climbed over. Sketching, appearently. And rather expertly, it seemed. He began to wonder if her artistic talent ran in her family. Perhaps she belonged to a wealthy heritage of artists, or another business that concerned itself with art.Then again, it seemed unlikely. Sketching as she did seemed hardly suitable as a profession. After watching her for a little while longer, Roka could tell she didn't have one thought in her mind concerning how much money she might make off of it. Strangely enough, she appeared to like drawing just for drawing.
Drawing had always been introuced to Roka as a sorry waste of time as a commoner's hobby, and that it was useless as a skill when it came to earning your way through life. But for the first time, Roka began to doubt that philosophy. It may not bring in heavy wealth, but when he laid his eyes on the serene expression of the artist before him, he knew she had discovered the tranquility he had sought all along in coming to the gardens. Finally, he could stand it no longer - he had to know the girl's name.
"Umm...ahem," he cleared his throat, leaning against the rail of the gazebo, hoping to look casual so as not to startle her."Excuse me, miss, but I seem to have gotten myself lost. Pardon the intrusion. Though I was wondering if you could help me." With an elegant dip of his head and a deep bow at the waist, he smiled faintly, the pinprick of a thorn causing his thumb to bleed. With no further sign of emotion, he clasped his hands behind his back as if nothing in the world was wrong.
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Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 1:04 pm
Miho smiled softly in amusement as the bird finally won it's fight with the worm, happily gulping it down. She'd come into the maze almost hoping to get lost. At least getting lost would be a reasonable excuse for getting back to class late. Settling back against the gazebo steps she brushed a strand of hair back out of her face. This hair cut was another thing had happened at the end of last year. It was another small rebellion. Her hair used to be quite long. Her mother of course hated it, an added plus.
Feeling a thorn pierce her finger she winced slightly and glanced down at it. It was bleeding slightly. Ah well. It wasn't any more pain than she was used to experiencing. She bent down to her bag in search of a handkerchief to wipe her finger on. Settling back she jumped slightly as she heard a twig snap a little ways off, but then relaxed again chuckling at her silliness. It was probably just a squirrel.
She'd been forcing herself through the day ever day since school started. Waiting in terror for the day when the teacher remembered that they hadn't actually decided on a class president. That say had been such a fiasco. Luckily she had managed get through the days after so far without coming as close to a panic attack as she had that day.
Sighing softly and banishing the depressed thoughts from her head she reached out softly cupping a rose in her hand and bringing it to her face to smell. She was careful not to break the rose away from it's stem though. She hadn't noticed Roka watching her or else she never would have done such a soft action. If fact if she had noticed she probably would have fled or something so that he wouldn't have the chance to address her.
This area was so tranquil, she would have to remember about it. Her mind was still in a kind of a dream state, drifting in and out of focus. So she barely registered that someone was talking. Wait… someone was talking?! Her head jerked up in startled surprise. When had a person gotten here? How long had they been watching her?
Her head whipped around in search of the person belonging to the voice. Spotting the person she almost groaned. It was the boy from the first day of school, the one who seemed to find delight in teasing her.
Wait, he’s said something hadn’t he? She glanced at him, struggling to get her mask back in place and remember just what he’s said. Oh. Right. “You’re in a maze, Toshiro-kun of course you’re lost. Unless you remembered to keep track of the way you came in.” Odd, he didn’t seem to recognize her. Ah well, that was probably for the best. She hadn’t really been at her best that first day of school and thus it was better if people who had talked to her that day just forgot it.
Unfortunately she knew that there were at least two people who would remember. Tarii who seemed to be out to get her, and Satu who had witnessed her almost panic attack. Maybe she could invent some type of forgetfulness drug. No, that wouldn’t work, the sciences had always been a bit harder for her. Not that she bothered to actually try with them of course.
With a sigh she pasted her mask completely back in place, so much for her quiet hideaway. Though maybe it he really had gotten lost then he wouldn’t be inclined to come back here and she could keep her peaceful place.
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Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 2:22 pm
Roka blinked. As he was spotted by the young woman, his smile faded and his lips parted slightly, unsure of what to say. So, he had been right all along. It was Miho. Now that he could see her clearly, it was undeniable.
But before, she had almost seemed like a different person; he never would have imagined she'd be the type to enjoy the scent of a rose. Now that he thought about it, hadn't he seen her carrying around that exact same notebook previously? How could he not have noticed that?
"Tamura-chan," he breathed at last, his words finally coming back to him, "I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else..." This, he knew, in its own way was true. She had been someone else, hadn't she? At least until he arrived. Obviously, he wasn't one she trusted with whoever she really was. It was a shame, considering he really would have liked to meet that other Miho.
It's like how I am with my sisters. Only it seems Miho only reveals her true self when she's alone. He sighed. It's such a pity she won't share that smile with anyone but the birds...
"I know I'm in a maze," he answered solemnly, pushing off the pillar to stand up straight. As she metioned keeping track of the way in, he was hit like a ton of bricks with the realization that it had been wiped clean from his mind. Still, he was determined not to let Miho see just how much the thought unnerved him. "I came in here to check up on you, actually. It just didn't seem safe for a defenseless young girl like yourself to be going off on her own. Even if just to be alone."
He turned his back to her, pretending to study a particularly deep crimson rose with petals the color of his blood-stained thumb. "Forgive me for ruining your sketching session," he continued, his voice so quiet it was difficult to detect the hurt under his almost icy tone. "But lost or not, I'm not leaving you here to be by yourself."
Sticking his hand in his pocket, he retrived his ipod, only to mutter an indistinct curse that his thorn-p***k had stained the device in his blood. Unfortunately, he carried nothing with him to wipe it off, and could only stand there, holding his hand as a drop fell to the wooden floor. Damn it...who knew something so small could bleed so much?!
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Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 2:05 pm
So he did recognize her. Miho sighed softly in disappointment. So much for that hope, though she should have learned by now not to hope for things. After all every time she hoped for something things seemed to turn out the opposite way. With a sigh she pasted her mask completely back in place, so much for her quiet hideaway. Though maybe it he really had gotten lost then he wouldn’t be inclined to come back here and she could keep her peaceful place. With a silent sigh to herself she tuned back in to what he was saying, only to blink in apparent confusion. “How could I be anyone but myself?” Of course she knew exactly what he meant. She was someone completely different then she showed everyone else, but she’d never admit it to anyone.
“If you know that you’re in a maze and you didn’t have the sense to keep track of the way in then you really shouldn’t be surprised that you’re lost.” She stared at him in complete bewilderment at his next comment
Why does he even care? It’s not like he likes me or anything, I know for a fact that no one in this school does… well except for that one strange girl who seemed to like everyone.
Jerking out of her thoughts she blinked at him for a moment before voicing part of her thoughts. “Why do you even care if I get lost? It’s not like you know me that well or anything.”
She couldn’t help snorting softly at the second part of his statement. “And what good is you staying with me when you’re lost? Especially when I actually know the way out of here.” She ignored his comment about her sketching session hoping that he would forget he had seen her drawing and not ask about it, or worse mention it to someone else.
Glancing away from him so as to not have to continue eye contact she jumped in surprise as the drop of blood hit the floor. “You’re bleeding?” It was not so much a question as a statement. She sighed softly and fished in her jacket pocket “Let me see it.” Tugging his hand away from his pocket she used the handkerchief she’d just removed from her pocket to clean his wound.
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 12:27 am
((And in case you were wondering...this was what Roka was listening to on his ipod while talking to Miho, which might explain his little dramatic moment here. XD "What's Left of Me"))
At Miho's question, the corners of Roka's mouth twitched and he was smiling before he could do anything about it. Luckily, his back was to her, so he doubted she had noticed.
"How could you be anyone else? Oh, I'm certain you know the answer to that question, Tamura-chan," he replied in the same quiet tone without turning to look at her. "Or, Tamura-san, if you so prefer. We both do. We discussed it on tha first morning of school, remember? In fact, if I recall correctly, you scolded me for hiding my own 'self' from my parents." He shook his head slowly. "Now I can't forget a remark like that. It actually made me think. What was it again?"
He tilted his head to look up at the roof of the gazebo, where a single white rose stood out amoung the red. "'You don’t want them to think you’re perfect, and yet you don’t want them to see the real you. Who on earth are you showing them?' I'm quite sure those were your exact words on the matter."
Glancing at her out of the corner of his eye, Roka's smile faded. "I show them the same side I show everyone else, Miho. Just as you do. You and I, we each have our own masks we hide behind. But at least I can take it off in front of my sisters. I feel safe with them."
Sighing heavliy, Roka stuck his hand back into his pocket, along with his stained ipod, and sat down next to Miho on the steps. "Remember that time I asked why you helped me through that crowd, and I told you I couldn't believe you would do it without expecting something in return? And you said, 'Does someone who stops to help and injured animal have a reason other than that they want to? So why should helping a human be any different?'" He laughed at the recollection of her comparison. "Now, Tamura-san, I give you the same reason in response to why I should care if you get lost."
Pushing a stray lock of his long, silver bangs out of his eyes, Roka rested his elbows on his knees and stared at his scuffed shoes, dirty from the soil in the gardens. "Ever since that morning, I've felt guilty for having you lead me through the crowds like that. Especially after realizing you were so uneasy around them. But now, I'm thinking if you're so uncomfortable around people, who do you have to feel safe around? The birds? The flowers?" He shook his head. "Since you seem so ignorant on the matter, I'll tell you: Nature could never understand you the way human beings can."
Looking up to meet her deep, sapphire blue eyes with his own emerald ones, his voice was steady and still with the truest sincerity one could express. "I said it once before, and I'll say it again: I am determined to find a way of expressing my gratitude for what you did for me that day. But in the meantime, I suppose I'll have to work on earning your trust first."
A small smirk came to his lips. "And I'm certain that's easier said than done. But I'm willing to give it a try, and I'll hope you'll let me." He took a deep breath, his finger twirling around a few stray strands of his silvery hair in an almost feminine fashion. It was a girly habit he had picked up from his eldest sister when she was nervous.
"You're right; I don't know you. But I'd really like to get to if you'd give me the chance. I'm not sure why, but as I said before, I feel more comfortable around you. Perhaps because you state your opinions freely, and don't care what others think about your thoughts." Placing his thumb and forefinger on his chin thoughtfully, he continued to hold her gaze. "What I think you do care about is how they might view you vulnerably as a person. How they might try and take advantage of a situation."
Unexpectedly, the male student leaned forward, his taller frame towering over her, until he was so close to her that their noses were almost touching. "And when I mean 'take advantage', I'm not just referring to the business sense," he whispered in her ear. "But I'll have you know right now: I'm not that kind of guy. Hence why I came in here after you, to make sure I could keep an eye out so that no one else would try anything...stupid." His voice hesitated, before he continued in an apologetic tone. "I hope I didn't give the impression of spying." Roka then slowly drew back from her, before quickly looking away and playing with his hair, perhaps ashamed of what he had just done. But he had needed to make a point.
After a moment, he sighed heavily and summoned his courage to speak once more. "You told me before that people shouldn't care what others think. Why keep your true self a secret from me? I never would expect someone like you to hold my opinion in high regard. So why try to hide? What have you to lose?" Still avoiding eye contact, he fidgeted with the cord of his ipod in the pocket of his uniform. His blood was now visible through the cloth, as the wound had been left unattended. Unfortunately, Roka failed to notice this as his mind was on other things.
"I'll be honest with you now, since the first day you told me you didn't trust me as a friend, and you've made it quite clear you don't trust me any more now." He blinked, opening his mouth and remaining that way until the words finally came to his tounge. "I am a jerk. Yes, I was then, and I am now. I teased and taunted you, but you must understand - I haven't acted like that around anyone else I've met here so far. It's only because I feel more comfortable around you, Miho. As comfortable as I do around my sisters. And I feel that I can talk with you freely."
"Of course, I can't talk freely unless you're willing to as well. It's a mutual trade of sorts. Your mask for mine. You have your secrets, like why you didn't want to stay at your old school, and that you like to sketch as a hobby. And I understand if you don't want to share those with me, because I'm not asking you to." His bangs fell across his eyes again, and he brushed them away, tucking them neatly behind his ear as a girl might. "I just wish you'd act more like yourself around me. Like the girl I just saw breathing in the fregrance of that single, perfect rose." Roka tugged on his locks.
"If you could at least do that for me, then maybe it'd be easier to earn your trust. You already have mine to do what you will with. Betray me, hate me, tell everyone I'm a jerk because it's true. But it's my hope some day that you can learn to trust."
At her soft snort toward his previous statement, Roka raised his brows craftily and allowed himself a faint smile as he examined another nearby rose. "Ah, but you just answered your own question, Tamura-san. What good is it to stay with you when I'm lost and you know the way out of here? I wonder..."
"Oh?" Miho's second statement finally seemed to draw Roka's awareness to own injury that had become rather messy during his rambling. He glanced down at his soaked pocket, dark with his own blood, and could do little more than stare at it, stunned. He hardly had time to react as she snatched his hand from his pocket and used her handkercheif to clean it. He winced, and a small sound escaped him from the back of his throat, like the surpressed mewl of a kitten.
"Unnh...Tamura-san," he whimpered, attempting to retrieve his hand. "I'm fine, really...oww! ...I don't want to get your handkercheif dirty...aw, it's on your uniform!" Roka cursed silently as he saw a few spots of blood on her dress. It may have been from when he had leaned toward her, but then he noticed her own thorn-p***k and couldn't help poking a little fun.
"See? Nature doesn't seem to like you any more than it likes me, does it? Oww! Careful..." he whined.((If you're lost, you can look, and you will find me - time after time...))
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Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 4:02 pm
Miho's mouth quirked into a sarcastic smile/smirk. "True, but that was talking about your personality, there's no way to change your looks no matter however much people want to. Unless they have plastic surgery or something." She stared at him without blinking. "So you see, it's completely different. Besides the fact... do you really have nothing better to do than do about memorizing every word I say?"
Her eyes narrowed slightly at him "And yet how can you be so sure of a person's real personality? After all more times than not people pretend to be something that they're not to alter other's opinions of them." She flinched slightly internally, that had been a little to close to what she was doing for her comfort. She really did need to think a little more before she spoke, but Roka just seemed to aggravate her into speaking without thinking. "So doesn't that mean that you don't care what your sisters think of you if you can show your true self around them?"
"But you see, I'm not lost and therefore do not need help. Thus the point is mute in this case. And also, didn't you know that most wounded animals will bite anyone attempting to help them? It's a survival instinct, one that can save their life." She snorted softly. "And don't you ever have your own reasons for things? So far all you've done is spout my own opinions back at me."
Arms crossing into a defensive position Miho eyed him. "Nature may not have the same understanding that humans do, but answer me this; have you ever known nature to judge a person for acting like themselves? It doesn't in fact it doesn't care at all, as long as you're not harming it. It isn't shallow or petty."
Trust. Miho flinched slightly at that word; everyone who had asked for her trust in them had hurt her. Only the one who had never asked for it, had only earned it had never done anything to hurt her. Therefore, in her book asking for trust was the worst way to earn it. "You know..." Her voice was almost deadly calm. "The people who ask for trust in them are usually the ones who break it. Unless someone plans to do something with the trust that they earn there is no need to ask for it. Trust is like love, something that must be given completely and with no conditions and it is not always a reciprocal feeling."
As Roka leaned over, effectively pinning her to the ground, Miho's eyes grew cold as ice and she grew as stiff as stone. Waiting until her drew back she regarded him coldly. "Do you really think that you'd be the first to have tried that? I'm not so stupid as to let the same thing happen twice." She withdrew her hand from her bag where it had crept to while he was leaning over her, revealing a taser. "I'm really not as native when it comes to guys as you seem to think."
Her eyes stayed cold even as he apologized for his actions. "Don't go trying to play the part of the hero. Self-sacrificing and all that nonsense. Anyone who tries to act like a hero is simply insecure and trying to get others to notice and like them." At his comment about spying she let out a soft chuckle. "You followed me into a garden and didn't even have the sense to keep track or the way back out. That seems like it goes past spying into stalking."
She let out a soft growl of annoyance as he continued to push. Why was he so determined to see her true self? "Your opinion? You really think that I'd bother with a mask for such a petty reason? Don't try and act smart when you know nothing at all." Her eyes shifted away and for a moment her mask slipped, showing a venerable girl in pain. "There's no way you could possibly understand." Her voice was soft, almost a whisper. "And showing you true self to me just means that you don't care what I think of you" After all the person she wore the greatest mask for was the one she trusted the most as she never wanted to disappoint her father. She couldn't understand that her father would love her no matter what.
Confusion filled her eyes at his words, he was asking her to trust him and yet he didn't want her secrets? It didn't follow the pattern of all the humans she knew. She snapped back out of her confusion at his next words though, staring at him a moment before responding. "It's not as easy as you make it sound." He just had his two faces; his really self and the one he showed everyone. Her mask was far more complicated, she not only hide her true self (the one that showed when she was alone) but she also hide the side that was ingrained in her because or all the things that had happened to her, the one that was terrified of all people and would go hide in a corner away from the world for the rest of her life if it were possible. However there was no way she could explain this to Roka.
As he changed the subject away from trust she relaxed slightly. "Yes but, somehow I feel you have a far more urgent need to get out of here then I do as I have a feeling there is car waiting for you and did you say before that you can't leave your sisters alone for very long without some disaster happening? At this rate they'll get home long before you do."
Miho couldn't help giggling slightly at the sound that escaped from his throat, especially remembering his extreme dislike of cats. "Don't be such a ninny, you sound like some sort of wounded cat... more like a kitten actually"
At his comment Miho blinked at her sleeve, trying to figure out how it had gotten there. Ah. She remembered that his hand had been on her sleeve when he pinned her down. "And whose fault do you think that is?" Her eyebrow quirked at his as she half wondered if he would still feel guilty about it.
She blinked at her hand for a moment, having completely forgotten about her own thorn-p***k. It was slightly red and irritated but was definitely not bleeding to the extent that Roka's had been. "I think that you'd try and hurt someone too if they tried to squash you." She commented calmly while finishing cleaning his wound; completely ignoring his protests and attempts to draw his hand away.
She ripped a still clean piece of handkerchief off. "Don't be a such a baby about it." Using the clean piece of handkerchief she bandaged his finger... tying it off a little tighter than was really necessary.
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Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 6:51 pm
Roka chuckled lightly. "I was never referring to an actual mask, Tamura-san. It was...metaphorical. You're lovely as far as appearences go; as are many girls attending Ouran, but that's certainly not the point. I too am talking about personality. The only thing is with you it's such a dramatic change I nearly mistakened you for a totally different student."
Quietly enduring Miho's cold verbal attack, the young man shook his head slowly, still smiling faintly. "I'm afraid it seems I don't. Your words stick in my mind like the lyric of a very fastinating song, and there's a good many of those, I'll assure you. In fact, I imagine they're the reason my path into this maze was wiped from my memory."
He raised his brows at her well-aimed glare and shrugged. "I can't be sure; not really. But I'm hardly willing to be convinced you were pretending just for an audience of a rose-covered gazebo and a couple of birds. I understand your point," he went on, "But the desire to alter one's opinions would stem from a desire to have one think well of you. And you just told me you are void of that desire, did you not?" His eyes were questioning as they appraised her. "Therefore I have little reason to think you are one of those who would pretend." A pause. "I know what I saw."
Tensing just a tad at the mention of his sisters, Roka recomposed himself and nodded. He supposed his words must have stirred Miho somewhat, because she seemed to be becoming quite flustered. "That's right," he agreed solemnly. "I don't care what my sisters think of me. That doesn't mean they don't still poke a little fun at me every now and then...but that's why I feel okay around them. They know my faults and accept them like my parents never could. Never will." It was a final statement, and it seemed Roka wanted to say nothing more on the topic of his family. He too was becoming somewhat troubled by the direction of the conversation.
"I see clearly you are not lost, but that will not change my decision to stay. You may not need help now, but suppose someone else shows up? What then?" He would not look at her. "You may find you feel differently then. And even though I must trust that you speak the truth, I know for a fact that you are not a wild animal, even if you are wounded. Therefore you cannot expect me to assume you are...as you put it, going to 'bite me'." Sighing, he added, "Unless, of course, it seems I am threatening your life, which I sincerely hope I'm not."
"You've a sharp tounge, haven't you, Tamura-san?" he added with a pained grimace in response to her rude snort. "Of course I have my own reasons. I just highly doubt you'll listen to them. But you can't very well ignore or deny your own logic, now can you?" Roka winked. Now she seemed really upset, considering she was complaining against such a petty matter. Perhaps she was pondering upon her own reasoning.
As she grew colder in both her stance and disposition, the silver-haired boy began to wonder if he was venturing into more dangerous waters than he anticipated. While the female student watched him with her deep blue sapphire orbs, he felt a chill along the back of his spine as she spoke. When she finished, he did not argue against her view on nature; he only chose to compare to it. "My sisters have never judged me for being the only son in our family; nor for being the sole heir to our trade. Why is it you seem to have such a difficult time believing people can be the same way as Nature as far as judgement?"
"You may be one of those of the opinion that it is human nature to judge, but have you ever considered once someone might judge you rightly? Justly? See you for who you are?" He tilted his head. "I for one think it's far better to take a chance and be understood than not even try to be understood at all. Sure, perhaps I'm an idiot for not following my own beliefs and refusing most chances that come my way. But girls tend to be different occasionally. You're different, Miho. You're not shallow or petty. You know it, I know it. That's why I'm willing to take a chance. You already know what I'm like. It's a start, isn't it?"
Roka watched her seriously. There had been something that made her flinch; something he must have said. Perhaps he was going a little too far. After all, what did he know of her thoughts on him? Perhaps she hated his obnoxiousness, or she found him too overbearing and just wanted him to leave her alone. He was never quite sure it was what she really wanted despite her efforts to have people think so. But if it was true, it was true. "If you don't like who I am, though, I could always go back to leaving you alone. Being the cold, boring, music-obsessed ipod-listener who tends to ignore other students. If that's really what you want."
Something in the way she responded made him freeze like a swimmer who had just seen a dark shape in open water. It was like a calm of the sea before the storm. At once he knew he had done something terribly wrong. After a minute or two of her frighteningly solemn statement, he breathed deeply. "You're right, of course," he told her, hanging his head in his hands over his knees. "Then in that case, please forgive me. I spoke out of turn in asking such a thing of you. Though...I must express my surprise you would compare it to such an emotion as love."
Backing away fearfully from the unexpected weapon, Roka dipped his head in further apology. "Many pardons, Tamura-san. Indeed, it seems so. I deeply regret my mistake of underestimating you. Ah...though, would you mind putting that away, please?" The idea of Miho with a taser unnerved him terribly for some reason. Oh how wrong he had been to think she was defenceless.
As she continued to speak, Roka swallowed, slowly feeling as though she was trying to crush him to death under a heavy load of his own good intentions. Of course they were worthless to her. Why should he have thought otherwise? How stupid a fool could he have been?! Mentally he berated himself for his own idiotic actions. He had let himself slip too far. And why? All because he thought he could change a girl's point of view? He had wanted to pay her back, but the more she elaorated, the more he realized this was the worst possible way he could have managed.
His smile was gone. "I was never a 'hero', Miho, and I never intended to be. Not even my sisters think of me that way. One might imagine they look up to me as an older brother. Oh, but no - I'm just their giant dress-up doll; their empty-headed damsel in distress when they play their games. And as empy-headed as I am, it seems inevitable that I get lost in this maze without the sense to keep track of the way. I just didn't realize that would matter to you so much. I came here after you to assure your saftey, but as you have stated so obviously and undeniably, I am not needed."
A small and bitter laugh resounded from his lips. "Correct, Tamura-san. Isn't it remarkable how little you claim I understand about you, while you seem to have me down just right? I know nothing at all. Hence my empty-headedness suits me perfectly for the roll of the distressed damsel, don't you think? So why don't I leave you to your thoughts and sketches and go wander off somewhere in hopes of being in distress enough for someone to come to my rescue." His voice proclaimed annoyance beneath a false cheerfulness that destroyed his mood.
"Why should I care what you think of me? You obviously don't care what I think of you, or what anyone thinks of you for that matter. Isn't that something you hold in high regard?" It wasn't anger in his tone; not really. More like horribly disguised pain reflecting that which Miho had revealed in a moment of weakness. Roka's voice never rose; it remained as quiet and calm as his schoolmate's, but that's what made his feelings all the more identifiable. "Showing one's true self, Miho, is the very act of trusting. Don't you see that? You can't say you trust someone if all you wear is a mask."
He'd done it. He'd gone and exposed himself. Lord, what a fool he was! Underneath his frigid, ordinary disposition, Roka had gone and expressed his feminine sensitivity. That was his true self: a sensitve, caring boy who liked to please his sisters endured all their dressing-up and teasing. Most unfortunate. His parents would not be pleased at all if word got out. Possibly, they might move him away so far from his sister's he wouldn't see them again. They'd already separated them through their schooling; what was to stop them from denying him the only people he cared for altogether?
Shocked at this revelation, Roka came to the conclusion he would not allow himself to get so out of hand any longer. What he had done was far enough. If his parents knew he was conversing with a girl alone in a garden maze, and with absolutely no reference to business, he would for certain be sent to an all boys school. For his sister's sake, he could not allow that, or even risk it. Not even for Miho, whom he still owed a favor.
"It may not be as easy," Roka replied simply to her comment. "If it were, I'd trust more people than just my siblings. But it certainly isn't as difficult as you make it sound. I know you're afraid of crowds; of people. Whatever. The fact of the matter is I must have been wrong to think you had any sort of courage to overcome that fear." To Roka, who had glimpsed the fearful part of Miho that fine morning, he was certain her fears of people were a part of her true self. After all, the girl he had seen sketching wasn't likely to show up in front of a fellow human being. It was only by chance he had happened to see her. He was certain they were connected. But if Miho didn't want to see that; that her hidden nature was simpler than she made it out to be, he wasn't going to try and make her.
"Car?" He blinked. What was she talking about now? Was she trying to insist he leave? Well in that case, he wasn't in any mood to refuse. Though as she brought up mention of his sisters, his calm expression slipped and a worried one took its place, if only for an instant. He hesitated before recomposing himself to reply. "Ah, yes. That car. It's too late, I'm afraid; they've already reached home. Well you see, I had my house butler phone me not too long ago. As I was attending classes at the time, there was nothing I could do but listen as he described to me a very elaborate dress the three of them had ordered to be made for me, their favorite dress-up doll. You see, their taylor already has my dress sizes memorized. It's not an uncommon occurance, so I resolved not to make a big deal out of it. No need to worry about girls fretting over dresses."
A peculiar look came across his face as he spoke. It seemed he was having difficulty hiding his emotions now, particularly the one of embarressment. But he wasn't about to be a coward and hide the truth from Miho now. She now had his honesty, and there was nothing he could do to take it back. It was all a matter of his morals. "And so, I resolved I will stay away from home for as long as I can while they busy themselves with its creation. It will keep them out of trouble, and so long as I never return from school, they will be unable to persuade me into wearing it," he explained.
At Miho's sudden kitten comment, his passive disposition slipped yet again. It seemed he was at a very delicate state of mind, for his face turned a pale pink before darkening to crimson. "I am niether a cat nor a kitten, Tamura-san," he told her, obviously struggling to keep his voice as steady and calm as it had been. "Though 'wounded' and 'ninny' are certainly not far enough from the truth to be called lies."
His guilt was surpressed at the sight on her dress. He would not ever allow her to think ill of him again. At least not in the sense of being weak. "Mine, of course. Pardon. I will order you a new one right away. Can't have anyone see that and talk, now can we?" His tone was edgy and frozen, like a jagged row of icicles. But at her comment, he slowly shook his head. "I would not, I'm afraid. I'm too...feminine for that as my parents put it. They fear I'll allow people to walk all over me. As it seems I just have. Please excuse me." As she finally finished with his wound, he withdrew his hand and tended to his stained ipod, wiping it on his rather badly stained uniform. "Well...if this isn't awkward..." he muttered as he stood up and took a good look at himself.
"Ahh...ssss..." With a sharp intake of breath and a quiet hissing through gritted teeth, Roka found Miho had bandaged up his finger rather tighter than he imagined was necessary. "Thank you," he grunted through the same clentched teeth. "Now I will leave you be and go on my way. With luck, I'll be lost forever and I'll never have to try on that stupid dress or worry about replacing this ruined uniform. Good day, Tamura-san. You may accept the dress my sisters made in exchange for your stained uniform if you wish. I'm sure you're not too much larger than my shamefully slender frame. And that can be in addition to a new school uniform, of course...it's up to you..."
Roka had already hopped over the side railing of the gazebo's steps, replacing his ear pieces in his ears, selecting a song from his playlist, and turning the volume on rather loudly. He began to wander off in a random direction through the maze, quietly wondering if perhaps it would take him, the distressed damsel, to a place similar to the one Miho had found. A place he could be himself without anyone judging him. It was funny: Miho seemed the type of girl who looked down on such judgement of human beings. And yet...what else could have it been described as when she told Roka that he couldn't possibly understand her? That people who ask for trust are usually the first ones to break it? That showing his true self to her was wrong some how?
It sure sounded like judgement to him. This girl who hated to be judged... If anyone had asked Roka, he would have said Miho judged others first before they had a chance to be judged. It was her 'animal instinct' way of bitting the hand that may have helped her before she could be hurt by it. But then, no one had asked him, and it was all he could to to continue wandering aimlessly through the maze, cut off from the rest of the world, his music allowing him an escape.
Even if Miho did ever tell anyone about how Roka's sensitivity got the best of him, he wasn't worried about what his parents would think. With luck, he'd be so lost in the maze, they'd never be able to find him.
((*humming the song as he walks*))
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Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 12:39 am
As his back turned to her Miho relaxed marginally, but not completely, he was still there after all. Quietly waiting for him to completely leave she ran over some of the things that he had said in her head.
Why on earth would he care what she said when she said it, let alone remember it a while afterwards? She sighed softly. And what was with him trying to decipher her anyhow? Going on and on about appearances and masks and desires and such. Like she was going to explain to him about how she actually cared what her father thought and so what everyone else thought tied into that. Not that he’d understand it anyways. He was obviously far to comfortable with people knowing everything about him. It wasn’t that she disliked who he really was but more that anyone who disclosed everything like that was bound to get hurt. Wasn’t her being able to hurt him that easily evidence of that? And even though she’d never admit it she didn’t actually like to hurt people or even see people hurt.
Also, what had happened to his determination to stay? Hadn’t he just been declaring a couple of minutes ago that he wasn’t going to leave her on her own in the maze. The fact that he could change determination so quickly and almost easily was definitely not going to help her come to trust him any time soon, that was for sure. Not that she’d trust him ever, she quickly added to herself.
And really, what was that bit about her own reasoning? It hadn’t been applying to her in the first place and so of course in didn’t make the same when he turned it back around on her. After all they obviously had completely different motivations for the things they did and thus the same logic wouldn’t make sense.
Miho’s eyes, which had stayed cynically narrowed since his comment about her being lovely, closed in relief as he left back into the maze again. Finally peace and quiet descended over her spot again. However her mind wasn’t in such a state that she could truly enjoy it, his physical attack on her had effected her far more, far far more, than she had shown. Now that he was gone any composure that she’d had left completely seeped out of her and she curled in over her knees as memories swamped her. Boys had gotten ideas after Rin had started spreading rumors about her and many didn’t take no for an answer very well… or at all for that matter.
Her body shuddered with sobs as her hand lay over the place where there was a scar on her collarbone and with each passing second she drew further into herself, losing touch with reality. Beginning to be unable to tell the difference between memory and reality.
She flinched backwards from an invisible blow, scooting backwards until she hit the stair railing. Clutching at the railing as if searching for some lifeline to hold her in some sort of contact with reality she shook softly.
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