Review my Poem? | Page 1 | [MADG]: Creative | Guild Forums

Gaia Guilds

[MADG] Hangout

Back to Guilds

Formerly the Mil-a-Day Giveaway, this guild is now a just great place to hangout and meet some new friends.

Tags: [MADG], Hangout, friends, relax, bunnies

[MADG]: Creative

Review my Poem?

iSnuffles

Eloquent Gawker

Offline

Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2007 2:38 pm

I'm entering a poem Contest and I don't want to submit something really bad! Could someone tell me what they think of each one?

Unwritten, Unspoken, Unknown -> I labeled one is a slight AU poem that takes place shortly before Uchiha Itachi kills his family because I needed to sort it into something. It was orginally about this girl who's getting abused and beaten by her boyfriend but it also fits with Itachi having a girlfriend. I might make it into a one-shot if people like it

Brother

Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2007 8:54 pm

I like the first one better than the second

Drifting Druid

Offline

Starlit-Chan

Offline

Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 5:13 am

Personally I find there is a confusion of themes in the first one, not clearly specified by any grammer. For example: You talk about the boy thinking of what he has done, but then with no clear divide "he" becomes "she".

The second one works well, the repetition of "Dear Brother" clearly instigates the poem and interjects the thought recurring - making it in my eyes a success n_n

I think the second one is the better one =D

Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2007 7:26 pm

I really liked your poems! You are very talented. I cant say which one I liked better because I really like both! Good job! 3nodding

IvyWings

Offline

[MADG]: Creative

Welcome to Gaia! ::

Gaia Guilds

[MADG] Hangout

Quick Reply

More Information