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 Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 9:25 pm
It's hot. There's less to do... at least with school, I'm active... I would be if I had a way to be... If I had a car I could drive around in, or at least a mother who could get off the couch to drive me places, instead of me having to rely on my friends when I -do- go out... It's only an inconvenience for them. If this family were normal, I'd be doing something better with my time... A plus, I get to talk to Corey. I get lurk time for gold. But I really would rather just go out... Sitting here means I do nothing. I forget to eat when I do nothing. I lose weight. I eat a lot when I'm not here, when I'm active... when I'm not... I waste away... I don't mean to. I just get so caught up in being... online... I hate how skinny I am... People say I'm fine the way I am, or even say they hate me for having such a 'great figure', and wish they could have one too... it's really not that great... I'm already not healthy. I eat crap all the time... the healthiest thing maybe being cereal... But this... I end up not eating all day most times, and by the time I realize "Hey, I"m hungry..." Thinking about eating makes me sick.
Moving out to live with Corey's mom, that would be great. I'd have real food, things to do... I'd not be rooted to this damn chair... My family bitches about me being on the computer too much... it's not true, until summer comes around. What's there left to do when I"ve read all my books, watched all my movies, played all my games, and drawn until my fingers cramp?TV... are you kidding? It's garbage... maybe I don't watch the right channels... but even then... I can't sit still. When I'm on youtube, trying to watch SM, I go back and forth with it and something else... It might take two hours to watch one episode... On Shin-chan, it took me two nights to watch one episode of Shin-chan. With TV, I get bored even if I'm into the show. I channel surf. Music, I change songs constantly... Go out... I'd love to, but my mom's a** is firmly rooted in her couch, more so than mine to this computer chair... my gramma's... insane. No thanks... I don't like having my friends come get me, when I should be able to drive on my own, or at least get my mom to drive me, and they don't like it either... I'm trapped here... in this endless cycle... and to make it worse... Logic fails in this house...
Thinking, "Oh, what about Corey? You have him! You two could talk or whatever." I wish... They decided this time around Corey can't come over and go RIGHT to my room to sleep, because it would be inconvenient to them. You know... them not even noticing he's here, with them being asleep and all... I asked how they managed to think that excuse up, and only got "Well, how about he not come at all?" "He was planning not to if he couldn't come tonight, anyway..." "Well... If he's going to get THAT attitude with me... How about he not come for the next few weeks?" "Okay. It doesn't change anything... You'd find another bull excuse for him to not come again NEXT week, anyway. And the next... and so on... you just kinda do that for no reason at all... And he'd not come again then, either. You know... it's just too inconvenient for you, and such... why come at all, you'd just have to take him right back home, right?"
So. I'm limiting my internet-time. My self... I need it. I'm going to... walk... all day... and stuff... Or maybe sleep, and maybe lay down a guilt-fest for them... and hope they get the ******** up, and do something... and I don't get to see Corey, pretty much ANY this summer, from the way it looks. Making this all the more harder on me... Of all things... not seeing him... less time with him, online or not = ******** tfgjBFDHGDGggresy5YestyerybfgdGGegewahwa.
*headdesk*
my brain is shutting down now...
Emancipate me, captain/
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Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 11:19 pm
I want to destroy the very essence of their being.
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Posted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 5:14 am
Sometimes, when I'm so incredibly bored, I walk and I sorta rant to my own little brain or sing to myself and make s**t up. It sounds dumb, I know, but fresh air is so freaking amazing.
I don't know if it's safe where you are, but it's like, 30 minutes to get to my friend's house. I used to be like, "Hay I wanna walk ovur thur and hang plz?" And they'd be like, "k sure" and I'd be like, "B THUR IN 30 MINUTES"
And it's therapeutic on the way there. It's safe where I am because we're like, two neighborhoods away from each other annd I know where I'm going and the only people you meet on the way there is really old geezers who walk around the neighborhood to get some excercise into their daily lives.
Now that I think about it, you can never drive in the daytime EVAR without seeing a person walking around these parts. surprised
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Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2007 3:31 pm
I think it's safe enough. Thing is, with the friends on my block, one moved and the other... just changed too much. I could go walking more, on my own or with my sister. The only dog we had to worry about died. I should start doing that once or twice a week, then move up to a few more times.
*shrug*
I'm already eating more, though.
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