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sapphireaster

PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 3:20 pm


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.-.-.

My friend, lets call...
Lena,
is really special. I met her on the first day of school just this year. Man, the times we had. I moved to a horrible ( though top grades, SAT scores, and well.. richness) town.
I missed my old friends terribly, but Lena changed me for the better. She is my angel. She calls me her guardian angel, because she believes that I changed her for the better..
-snif- getting emotional here.
Anyway, just a couple of months ago, she told me that she used to do bad things to herself before she met me.

There's this huge problem. Mostly jealousy. This girl lets call, Jen, used to be awesome. She was hilarious, fun to be around, and a nice person.
Then she started to get jealous.
To my opinion (and many others') she thought that I was trying to "steal" Lena away. No..No.. Not at all.
I told Jen a bunch of times, I love both of them, and know that they are "peanut butter n jelly"
She didn't like how I was trying to make things less dramatic.
So she kept giving me hate emails, telling me horrible things.
Saying that I was the reason why they are not close friends anymore. Exactly.
You know, since I was there for them when they were kicked out of our afterschool tutoring because the guidance teacher didnt like their religion too much.

She just doesn't like a "no" and she doesnt ever say "sorry"
She left Lena voice mails that were just so..horrible.
Guilt voice messages, disturbing ones and even a threat.
One day, she left Lena 15 calls. Right. ONE DAY.
Lena felt responsible for everything.
The way Jen is to me, to her, to everyone.
I keep telling her
"No. Not at all. She is responsible of everything."
and one day, she told me
that she was cutting herself again.
My heart just shattered. She pretty much is part of me.
I gave her pep talks, all the time. But nothing worked.
Just today, she told me she cut herself again, because of
[well another topic, but pretty much is because this girl screwed up our art project which is a MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR big deal to us and] that that girl told Lena that she was acting like Jen.
The girl had no right to say that. She doesnt know about Lena's problem, but still. The girl listened to the 15 messages.
It's a drug. An addiction. She wants to get over it, its hurting me, and she can't. She tries. And I do appreciate that. A lot.

Help.
Please.
I don't know what to do.
There has been more drama this year than all my life, put together.

Thank you <3

-.-.-


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 3:45 pm


Wow o.o

All I can say is...I don't think there is much more you can do. Maybe taking her on a shopping trip or trying to get her mind off it, but I don't know how much help that'll really be. Go to her house and take all the razors, but she can always find others....I think you might need to get her parents involved, or yours. Unless someone else posts a different solution.

Sorry I can't be much help here.


This is EXACTLY why I hate girls...they all have a 'Jen' in them -.-

PurpleHandcuff


sapphireaster

PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 3:50 pm


[-Nights Angelic Tune-]
Wow o.o

All I can say is...I don't think there is much more you can do. Maybe taking her on a shopping trip or trying to get her mind off it, but I don't know how much help that'll really be. Go to her house and take all the razors, but she can always find others....I think you might need to get her parents involved, or yours. Unless someone else posts a different solution.

Sorry I can't be much help here.


This is EXACTLY why I hate girls...they all have a 'Jen' in them -.-
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.-.-.

Mm. We should have a little shopping fun..and believe me shopping is OMG. LOVE.
It's not going to make her refresh totally. A shopping trip won't help it fully. I want to do something for her, something great so she will never have to repeat what happened.

Her parents:
They know. And thats the disturbing part..I forgot to add.
They found out while she was in physical therapy.
And they are embarassed of her.
It's not her fault.
The actions she does, is not because of any of her wrong doing.

Thank you for the reply :]

-.-.-


User Image
PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 4:01 pm


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.-.-.

-sigh- no more replies...

I must be patient!

-.-.-


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sapphireaster


sapphireaster

PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 5:12 pm


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.-.-.

Hm.


gonk

I'm very impatient. I can't stop thinking about it.
Any little help would be fantastic.

Thanks.
p.s. i'm printing this page out for her.

-.-.-


User Image
PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 12:18 am


Well... when I was in high school, I cut a lot. It was this huge release when the pressure becamse too much, almost like popping a ballon. I eventually stopped because I realized, it's hurts the people around me more then I knew. People around me were brought to tears.

She just needs to see how much you love her, and worry about her. I don't know about anyone else, but that's eventually what got me to stop. No one can make her stop, but she should know that every cut is a slap in the face to everyone who loves her, and that's what I had to learn.

Just hug her and be there for her. That's all I'd advise for now.

Sonic Butterfly


sapphireaster

PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 12:20 pm


Sonic Butterfly
Well... when I was in high school, I cut a lot. It was this huge release when the pressure becamse too much, almost like popping a ballon. I eventually stopped because I realized, it's hurts the people around me more then I knew. People around me were brought to tears.

She just needs to see how much you love her, and worry about her. I don't know about anyone else, but that's eventually what got me to stop. No one can make her stop, but she should know that every cut is a slap in the face to everyone who loves her, and that's what I had to learn.

Just hug her and be there for her. That's all I'd advise for now.
User Image


.-.-.

thank you so much.
I hope this will bring her to realization that cutting is not the solution.
And that people around her care, and all you have to do is turn around.
<3

-.-.-


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 1:05 pm


It really helps to tell her you care, and to be there for her.

Advice some people who could get her help (preferrably someone who'll keep you anonymous in case she turns on you and accuses you of being untrustworthy), and stay supportive of her all the way.

That's all I can think of that actually works. Be sure not to give up on her though. That alwaysalwaysalways makes things worse.

Remou

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Rainra

Rainbow Gekko

PostPosted: Sat Jun 09, 2007 7:10 am


Oh... wow.
Ok, first step is to help her, and always be there for her. (I know thas what everyone is saying, but its true)
Second step, is to get that girl (Jen?) to stop sending that crap to Lena. Explain to her how you see it, and tell her whats been happening because of what shes been doing. Dont say it was all her fault. Thats going to make her ticked off. You need to ask how she feels about this, so you two can stop hating each other. Then you need to get a way to make Lena feel better. See if you can get Jen to say sorry. Lena should be around her more, and the same with you. That way she feels your not taking Lena away, and you still want to be her friend. (This will be hard if shes still mad at you.)
Let me try this:
So your starting to hang out around Jen more, along with Lena. And every ten minutes or so, you talk with Lena. Jen asks. "Why are you talking to her so much?? You can talk to me, you know. I'm right here!" (or something like that) You turn to her. "I'm comforting her." "Why? What happend?" Jen asks, showing a little emotion. "Because," you say." Shes been cutting herself. Because someone has been sending her really mean e-mails and voicemails saying really mean things. Because of that, shes been cutting herself, and she thinks its her fault."

It would go something like that, I guess. You just need to explain to Jen whats been going on and try to make her say sorry. Even if she doesnt mean it, if it makes Lena feel better, thats good.
PostPosted: Sat Jun 09, 2007 3:21 pm



    :/

    Like Rainra said, do something to get Jen to stop. I don't have experience with this, so I can't really give you good advice, but there are probably other people that know what to do in such a situation. Here's what I'd do: If talking to Jen fails, get a teacher or someone else and tell them about the 15 phonecalls and the threats. Don't tell that person about the cutting unless Lena agrees, just mention that it seriously affects her.

    Second, you can't really stop Lena from cutting (cause it's really hard to get away from it without professional help once you're used to it), but you can try to help her avoid the situations in which she cuts herself. Maybe ask her to call you whenever she gets the urge to do it. Just distract her. Be there for her. Don't try to take sharp objects away from her room, there are enough other methods for hurting yourself. Once the Jen problem is solved, she'll feel better, so work on that first.

    Good luck on everything. <3 Don't give up.
    (also, if it turns out to be too much for you, find someone you can talk to and that you can trust. Constantly worrying about someone you're close to can really get to you.)

Izyria


BASS DRIVE

PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2007 1:17 pm


I started cutting in 2005 and I told myself it was time to end last month. I won't consider myself 'healed' until I've gone 6 months without a single cut.
I did it because of certain family problems, and the cutting was a form of pain to distract myself from the mental anguish. As time went on I got addicted and I did it just to feel...idk, real I suppose.

The point I'm trying to make is that your friend can't get to a stage where she relies on it completely. She might benefit from counseling, it might be easier to talk to a stranger, as she won't want to tell you the ins and outs of it for fear of hurting you as well. Also, don't let her forget you're there for her.

And can I just ask about her parents? You say they're embarrassed by her - does this mean they're not asking people for help for her? If they're not then maybe you should.

And the 'friend' thats causing this needs to know how much she's hurting you and your friend. Its BULLYING and she can get into serious trouble for it. If it continues then please report her if she's hurting you so much.

I really hope you both get better soon <3
Let me know if I can be of any more help.
PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 4:27 pm


Why is life so sad? :[

I can't help. I've never been in that kind of situation.
I say you're handling it to the best of your ability.
Just never give up on her.

I'm sorry. I just wanted to post and tell you
I'm giving you my best wishes.

~

P o k e b a l l `


misha soupness

PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 10:11 am


Well I am best friends with two people that did use to cut. One of my friends I got her to stop cutting herself over a guy immediatly, well I didn't do it, my tears made her stop. She hates to see me cry, especially when she is the cause for my tears. We were in the library and I caught sight of the guy that just dumped her carved onto her arm {she was hiding it with her jacket] than like i instinctly took her arm to get a better look at it. Of course i was all confused on why she would allow any guy to kick her down like this. Normally, i'm not really emotional when it comes to people so i guess my emotions convinced her when i stared straight into her eyes and told her not to cut herself over a guy, no guy is ever worth this and like before i knew it, tears were sliding down my cheeks and i didn't realize i was crying until she told me to stop crying and she'll never do it again. I don't know whether she ever kept her word or not but i never saw a self inflicted scratch on her after that time and she is all happily married right now to a guy that treats her right.

My other friend who use to constantly cut herself was a more serious case. She was going to counseling and her parents knew about it too. I would constantly be there for her and do things to keep her happy so she wouldn't cut herself. Sadly I couldn't be at her side 24/7. Me and her boyfriend were always trying to pull her out of depression. Doing alot of nice things for her and in the end. She dumped her boyfriend, went out with another guy we had been friends with for a long time. I use to have a small crush on this guy but the crush left the moment she began to go out with him. It's against my policy to like any guy that a friend of mine is dating but like me and her old boyfriend still remained friends. Heck, me, him, her and her new boyfriend even hung out together though i did feel bad for her ex that he was sitting around my friend and her new boyfriend when they had just broken up a week ago. I even brought myself to ask him if he was ok with this. how can he stand it, doesn't it hurt and i feel this whole thing just doesn't feel right cause i even told her she was rushing into another relationship. Oh yeah, getting off the point here but yeah, even before I knew her, she would cut herself and she didn't stop until she got pregnant by this other dude she met at some random bar. She made herself stop because she wanted to be a good influence for her child. So honestly, it is up to their own will power to stop. It's like smoking, most people can't stop unless they have that self determination and people do fail quit a few times before succeeding and even if they do suceed, it's only the begining because they can't allow themselves to fall back once more. Geez i hope i'm not confusing you here.

I don't know about this Jen girl though, jealousy among girls is an ugly thing, believe me i've seen it way too much but if Jen truly cares about Lena than she should have respect for her enough to not start anything. Most of the people I'm friends with can't get along with each other for crap but because they care about me, they know better than to speak ill of my friends while i'm present. I have a schedule where I spend separate quality time with each of my friends and when they are in the presence of each other, they learn to get along temporarily because they don't want to hurt me. I always commented them on how suprise I was that they got along so well despite the fact they didn't like each other. Each of them would just simply reply well she's your friend and i wouldn't want to do anything to ruin that friendship. My other friend that was over possesive and had jealousy issues, well i called her my other half of the brain, well she didn't learn how to control her jealousy issues until I got fed up with her and just stopped talking to her for an entire year. It was than that she realized her faults and realized just how badly she had treated all of her friends. Well I wasn't the only one that got fed up, her other two friends did too so when we left and went our separate ways, she learned from her mistakes and now she had become more considerate towards others. This Jen girl needs to learn the lessons of consideration towards others. Other half of the brain was told this by several people but she never took it to heart until she lost all her friends. Because she did move on too and made other friends but she wasn't as close to them as she was to us. Like the old saying goes: You don't know what you got until it is lost...or something along those lines.
PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 7:16 am


i think you should talk to Jen and tell her like she didnt stell her freind away
(and try not to get into a fight if you take my advise)
and try to make Lena stop cutting herself.

OSataAndagiO


aniuSZka

PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 11:36 am


Explain Lena that she has to get away from girls, like Jen, who tortures her first in a psychologically way.
It's not healthy, and not fair.
Jen has to learn how to be happy by recognizing that she hurts her own beloved friends!
Lena's parents always know what happens to her. So... they will want to know the truth of Lena's sorrow.
Don't let her to suffer by things that she's not guilty of. Don't abandon her.

I used to hurt myself because I was surrounded of some malicious classmates. My mom was the first to know because she saw my arm burnt. She, later that day, took me to a psychologist. I felt really sick of going with her. She told me that I had to go to with a neuropsychiartrist to inject me lithium to regulate my emotions. The Dr didn't inject me that. He recommended me to take prozac instead. Since I got tired of taking pills, I acted like I pretended to be okay.

I now know that I can control my life at the best way that is convenient for me.
Assholes are made to be into the trash-can. Everything's that not healthy for me doesn't deserve to treat me like @#%#$^*

Now, I know what I want for me. And every second that passes, I am getting stronger.
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