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 Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 4:53 pm
I'm sick of stressing out over my gramma and mom. I'm tired of being screamed at, and I'm tired of being told I am to clean after THEM, not just my self. When I do not, that's when the yelling comes in. I'm tired of hearing how 'tired' -they- are of things. I'm tired about worrying about my future, and about being with Corey. Right now, he's all I have to keep me sane, and even that wears down... I don't know what I'm going to do after school. College? For what? And what can I do with that, besides waste money?
I don't know what we'll do when were he works at either lets him go, or closes down... What is there for us then? Find another job? Ha, -where-? McDonald's? There's nothing here... This place is falling apart... the jobs here suck, the pay is s**t, Where do we go? Stay here? I want out, he doesn't. So what do we do? What is there for us? Leaving... How could I? I can't just decide "Hey, let's go." He... doesn't want that. And with a good reason... But it does hamper things for us... for my mind... Our future, maybe...As much as I don't want it to, it does, and I and I can't change it... I don't want to stay here... But if we do go, where?
I hate this... and more worrying stemming out into other fears... I worry too much... what about when something decides to go wrong for us? People may love each other, but that does change, for many people. Once all I have is gone, what is there? I can't do anything, I have no skills, little motivation, I can't live on my own... I am dependent. I need someone. And certainly not just for that reason... On top of losing who I depend on, I would loose my life. What the ******** is there for someone after something like that? For me, at least? I don't ever want to become like my gramma...
I don't know anything... I hate this... and why, oh, why does someone have to come along, and offer us... no, me a chance to get out? An escape... What I need... not us... A possible step towards securing my future... when I cannot take it? If this were a year ago, I would have... If I didn't have what I do now, I would have... this is almost a split between what I want, and what I need... but both things are what I want, and what I need. There is no choice. But why does it feel like it is?
I just want to lay down and sleep forever, and not have to worry about anything......
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Posted: Wed May 30, 2007 12:34 am
I know how you feel only too well. If it gets better, I'll let you know. (:
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