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 Posted: Fri May 25, 2007 10:18 pm
Break me and take me
Time's rainbow paint me
This midnight blue; this blackened bruise; this heartbreak,
Love-promised ruse.
This twilight gray; these tears to pay; this conversation
With nothing to say.
This morning pink; my heart as it sinks to match you, tattooed
In ebony ink.
This scarlet noon, clock fingers move counting minutes and hours
Down to how soon.
*Fin
R,O,Y,G,B,I,V x3
Red, Orange, Yellow
Time for salutary hello
Green, Blue, Indigo
Drug me hyper and mellow
Violent violet violet violence
Flowers are the harvest for war.
R,O,Y,G,B,I,V x3
Red, Orange, Yellow
Time turn for me Jello
Green, Blue, Indigo
Ever reap, never sow.
Violent violet violet violence
Flowers are the harvest for war.
Take me, awake me,
Time's rainbow paint me.
*DC al fin
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Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 11:29 pm
I like the idea of the song.
During the R,O,Y, etc. I'm not sure if you want it to be "Red, Orange, Yellow, etc" or the actual letters. I assume it's the letters. Or we could just say roygbiv, eh? Heh.
I didn't like the parts where it says,
"Red, Orange Yellow
Time for salutary hello etc"
But I did like the line, "Ever reap, never sow"
I also liked the line, "This morning pink; my heart as it sinks to match you, tattooed in ebony ink"
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Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 10:05 pm
It seems like it needs to be refined a little bit, but I actually really like this! It sounds like a rock song, something like the White Stripes/Franz Ferdinand.
I think the parts that need the most work are the sections after the R,O,Y,G,B,I,V. It looks like you kinda stuck words in there to keep the rhyme scheme up. Maybe you could switch it up there a bit?
Anywho, this seems like the kinda song you'd be hairbrush mic-ing or rock n' roll cleaning-the-house to. Y'know, just let yourself loose to rock! ^^
Should be sweet! <3
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Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 5:32 am
I agree, it does need a little work but over all I thought it was pretty good and verry creative. Tweek it a little and then you got it.
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Reply
