Tiah was panting softly, keeping herself hidden under the cool shade of a tree. Her body was tired and sore and she could smell the scent of blood that laced the air around her. She didn’t know what to do, she felt so weak and pathetic... hiding herself from everyone and thing... just so that no one knew what she had done. Nuzzled along side her lay six tiny cubs, two girls and four boys. She had spent all that night in labor and half of the morning trying to fool herself into believing it didn’t happen... but somehow she saw past her own lies and out of all of her pain and regret came six new lives.
Six. Not only had she let herself go to another male, but from that one mistake came six new lives, six tiny, helpless things that would need her love and affection. She shuttered at the thought of being a mother, she couldn’t understand why this was happening to her. Apart of her hated them, every last one of them down to the bone for doing this to her, for existing; she hated them.
But as much as she hated them, she loved them. They each had something about themselves that she enjoyed; adored. One of the cubs was a bright color, unlike any that she had seen on her mother’s side… so she assumed it to be a gift from her father’s side. He was very small and golden... and looked so out of place beside his darker sister.
She didn’t know how to feel when she looked at her girls. One was beside the golden boy; she was red with black back markings much like her own... while the other, who took after her father in color, lay beside her bright red son. They were far away from the others and kept very still. This worried her at first but she let the worry fade when the red boy turned in his sleep. She didn’t know what she felt... not right now. Two of the cubs looked so much like him it made her sick; she almost wanted to kill them right then and there... the other four could have passed off as her and her mate’s... but with the brown color of the boy and girl, that wouldn’t happen.
She looked away for a moment and gazed at her last son. He was a dark color and rested very close to her. She enjoyed looking at his face, he had wonderful facial markings. They reminded her of her mother’s... a deep sigh passed her chest as she curled herself along her cubs and thought for a moment. Would she leave them hear to die or would she mother them? Apart of her wanted to get up and run, run far... far away from this horrid responsibility but her other half... her other half wanted to mother them and love them like they needed.
What was she to do...?
Just then a soft mew caught her ears and with a quick glance down she gazed into the eyes of her brown coated daughter. She gasped at what she saw; eyes of green gazing back at her... her eyes gazing back at her. She sighed deeply and moved her head back some in shock. How could something so awful make her feel so weak inside? She couldn’t kill them... not a cub that had her eyes. Even if this cub was a reminder of that male... she couldn’t just let it die.
They were her cubs, her cubs. She would take pride in them and care for them the way she should.
She would keep them.
She would show them the love they needed.
She would protect them from what they were.
She wouldn’t let them know the truth. She couldn’t. Slowly she wrapped her paws around them and spoke.
“You look so much like your mother, like me...”
She gazed at her red daughter as she whispered softly.
“And you, you take after your grandfather, you..”
She spoke to her red son next, before moving onto her next son, who was indeed the oddball of the litter.
“Your not like the rest..."
She stopped for a moment and gazed at her green eyed daughter.
“And you...my hate-my love, my anger, my pride.”
She paused again before gazing at her masked son.
“You, you are like my mother."
Finally she let herself move onto her last son and spoke.
“And you... I will never be able to look at you without thinking of him. I am so sorry.”
She felt tears swell within her eyes as she slowly looked away from her cubs.
“I am sorry for everything I have done to you all.”
It was true, Tiah felt like she was already an awful mother. She wouldn’t be able to smile as much for them and she wouldn’t be able to ever talk about the male that fathered them. She would have to lie to them, everyday, everyday.
“Forgive me...”
She spoke one last time before licking each of new cubs clean. She felt sleep cast over her eyes and within seconds she was fast asleep with her cubs all cuddled closely to her body for warmth. She would have to face the world soon.. but for now she would rest.
.:. Ye Olde SoA Guild .:.
