Theophrastus
Reprinted from ebaumsworld.com, I heard of it through Atheistnation.net. Silly but cute.
WHY GOD NEVER RECEIVED A PHD
1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was in Hebrew.
3. It had no references.
4. It wasn't published in a refereed journal.
5. Some even doubt he wrote it by himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human subjects.
10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
17. No record of working well with colleagues.
1) Sometimes the wise teachings of one man only needs to be written once, not with over 50 versions of it with mistranslations, transliterations, and just simple stupidity.
2)Actually it was Hebrew, Aramic, and Greek.
3)No references to what? lol
4)Not in a journal? so what?
5)He DIDN'T write it himself. He inspired his many authors to write the bible as he guided them.
6)Has he done anything else? what HASNT he done is more of the right question.
7)cooperative efforts are limited? lol thats extremely vague.
cool they can't replicate his results because they aren't god
smile 9)Humans have to have laws to KEEP THEM from using human subjects. well except stem cell research which actually is quite an amazing feet but still wrong in my opinion.
10)LOL if he wanted to cover it up, he wouldnt have mentioned the event in the bible in the first place. so ludicrous xD look at it this way, "when theres an out of control fire, what do you do? try to put it out so that it doesnt spread."
11)heh i could relate this to abortion. when people "******** up" they erase their mistake by destroying it before it has a chance to live. and "prediction" is not in God's nature. he knows future past and present. he doesnt need to predict, he already knows.
12)the book IS his "word". he teaches us through his "word" in the form of holy scripture. unfortunately people like to make their own versions and screw up and misrepresent what he taught, and thus you have the book of mormon, the completely bull s**t book of king james...what a joke, and then the outrageous catholic teachings most of which ISNT of the bible at all etc etc
13)his son taught the class but it was also himself who was teaching. from a logical point of view, God is a being of three, father son and holy ghost are all one, but spiritually seperate into three forms. not to be confused as to thinking they're three seperate gods. the son and the holy ghost are two other "forms" of God, and thus when he sent his son, he was sending himself as well.
14)he didn't "expel" them, just gave them a bigger purpose, a bigger role. instead of being in just one place, they started the population of the entire earth.
15)of course mankind will fail his tests. some you can pass some you dont mainly due to the burden of sin.
16)wow that made no sense what so ever.
17) wow, how vague that was.
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