Failure. He came back to the den with nothing, no one. The search for Tsotsi was less successful, and as he padded near the den, his eyes drifted to search out the black pelt he grew so used to seeing. He sighed, slowly making his way into the den as he curled up somewhere, old scents of the juvenile washing into his nostrils. He breathed through his mouth as he didn't want to scent those certain scents. It was too much too bear. He couldn't find him. Wherever Tsotsi had gone, he was no where to be found, and the affect that was on Letladika was clear.
He was sad. He was ridden of the happiness, of the joy he felt early that afternoon. That was gone. He knew he needed to comfort Sauda. She would need it.
So, once more, he slowly picked himself up and wandered over to her. He didn't speak. He didn't need to. He laid next to her, staring off into the den. Blank, paralyzed.
He wasn't willing to speak, or move. Time was frozen.
He knew it was.
As she felt someone next to her as she lay there. Her eyes were red from past crying. She'd still cry if she could. Her head was pounding with a pressing headache. "do you think he'll come back?" She asked him. She knew who it was without looking at him. She knew that Tsotsi wouldn't come back so soon if he did think about coming back.
She finally moved her head toward Letladika. She knew she'd be depressed for a while, but soon, she'd have to accept the fact that he might not come back. He had been living fine without her for so long, and then when he was with her at least he'd have some happiness in his life.
Letladika breathed quietly for awhile. He didn't want to answer her question, and as he pondered it, he drew closer to her. The only indication was that his head shook, his eyes closed. He turned to look at her. All hope was drained from his light blue eyes. He wasn't coming back.
But, Sauda had supplied him with love that only a mother could. He respected that. But, he wasn't coming back, and he didn't blame it on himself. Tsotsi might not have run away if he came into their lives. For the past hours, he thought of that. He realized that after that, he was going to stay with her. She needed comfort, and he was the only one to offer that comfort.
"I'm sorry," he murmured quietly, a sob raking his body. "maybe if I never came over, he wouldn't have run."
He shook his head again. "I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault." She told him, because to her, it wasn't. She had neglected to ask Tsotsi anything at all. She neglected to ask him about his past and all that other stuff. She would understand if he never wanted to see her again. She betrayed him in a way. "It was mine." She said calmly only because there was nothing there to cry anymore. "I didn't ask him anything. I just assumed it'd be ok."
It was hard to except any of this, but she had to. She just hoped he was happy now. Happy and safe. "Thank you." She said to Letladika. This whole thing could have turned out a lot worse.
Yet, Letladika sighed with the intensity that it was his fault. How could he forgive himself for what happened? He couldn't. However many times Sauda claimed it wasn't his fault, he always believed it would be, because Tsotsi ran because he said him, Letladika. He didn't see Sauda, or anyone else, he only ran because he came wandering into the den, happy to see Sauda. Only her. He never expected the juvenile hyena, or the hostility he showed clearly.
But it was his fault. He also showed hostility. He wanted Tsotsi out from the moment he met him, and now he beat himself down because of it. What was he thinking? Was he that protective over Sauda too, like Tsotsi? "Your... welcome." He murmured quietly, burrowing his head into his paws sadly.
Sauda pushed into Letladika with her head. She didn't want him to be sad forever. "It's alright though. He's taken care of himself before. He'll be fine, I think." She told him trying to reassure him, but mostly herself. Even though he wasn't her own, she felt like he was. It felt like a small bit of her heart disappeared. But Letladika would heal it, right? She moved her muzzle towards his face to nuzzle him.
Letladika pulled away from her. "Are you sure? He is young and though he could take care of himself, what if he was cornered?" He hated to put this on her but they needed to think of the possibilities. "I'm sorry, but I've grown to worry for him." Over the course of the day he grew caring of the boy. Instead of the hate they both displayed earlier, he thought him of a son, almost, and he already thought Sauda as something else. But what? What did he think of Sauda? He snuggled up closer to her, unable to say his words straight out.
He loved her. He cared for her as such as a lover, and he wanted to tell her so much. Ever since he met her he had this feelings; what it was, long forgotten, he found his place again among the darkened den, nestled up against Sauda, both sorrowful for the run away of Tsotsi.
"I-" He blinked, realizing the effect of the words he was to speak. Fear doubled up in his stomach. "I, um, Sauda?" He looked over at her cautiously, his eyes still red from past tears.
She shook her head. "No no, He's fine. I know it." She said. "If he wasn't he would have came back." She nodded. Of course there wasn't many places to get cornered, but many places to hide. Sauda knew the little one would find a place like he did before he was with her. "He did, after all, live on his own before I found him." She told Letladika.
She looked at him, wondering what he was going to say, he seemed to have some trouble saying it. "Y-yes Letladika?" Sauda loved him too, but she didn't just right out say it. Right now, she just was worried. She was glad he was with her. Glad that even though she did
Letladika was unsure if he felt reassured. He did nod, however, letting her know that he wasn't going to be uncomfortable about it for awhile. He didn't know that Tsotsi had lived on his own before Sauda, though, and he smiled ever-so small about it. Chances were, were that he was alright. "Alright then," he murmured quietly. "I hope he's alright." If he thought about it, they might meet again in the future. Who knew, who knew.
As she spoke, his throat constricted again. He started shaking again, as if he was becoming more grief-stricken. Except he wasn't. "Sauda," well, he could do it! "I uhm, I have to say something." Why was this hard? He pushed himself up and looked at her. "Sauda, I, erm," Breath in, and out.
"Sauda, I love you. I always have," he smiled, eyes shining.
He started to shake. That was odd. "Are you ok?" She asked before letting him say anything. Then he started to talk. She was listening. Listening to every word he said, even if a few of them he had already said twice or more. She was taking in what he said, cause at first, she hadn't a clue to what came out of his mouth. It took a few moments before she actually figured it out. Her heart was pounding.
Why? Every time she looked at him her heart would pound, but she never noticed until now. She smiled, unable to work up the words at all. Just her mind seemed to freeze, but her mouth didn't. "I love you too" It came out so easy, yet it didn't seem easy at first. But once he said it first, it just seemed to come out faster for her.
The aspects of love weren't difficult for him anymore, he realized. Ever since he met Sauda he wondered about the distant feeling his heart would emanate. Strangely, everything was coming together in these moments of silence, or love. A smile formed on his lips. "Always," he whispered, nuzzling her affectionately.
She licked his check as silence kind of filled the air. She never felt better in her life. She wanted to sit here, and just stare up at the sky with him next to her. Nothing could be better.... Nothing could possibly get better, at least not in her mind at this moment. She didn't hear his whisper. "What do you think those things are up there... what do they call them? Stars?
Letladika had discarded everything he cared for so long ago. It made him feel guilty, really, since all he did was wander aimlessly like a depressed puppy dog. He might have died if Sauda had not of come upon him that time. When he was with her, he did understand the meaning of happiness in life. That meaning was something he had been chasing after since his life started. He really never knew happiness. Until now.
He looked up at the bright orbs that floated in the sky. They were quite beautiful. Where did they come from, anyways? Stars have always been watching him, following him. Stars were the only thing that appeared in every memory he had. "Yes, stars," he whisped. "they are called stars."
Sauda never have could have named them anything better. Stars. They glimmered so peaceful up there. So.... Lovely. "Do you think we look like them from far away?" She asked him. She wondered if every dot was some type of creature just living out there but far away to where they couldn't talk to them. "Do you think we can be as peaceful as them?" She asked another question. She wanted to be happy with Letladika the rest of her life, but she wasn't sure how much peace they'd get in the future. She smiled softly as she looked into his beautiful eyes.
The question stumped the hyena for a moment. He never believed in true peace, everyone had their own hell they went through once in their lives. Stars just stood there and watched the people beneath them. They did move, as some moved unsuspectingly when he never expected them to. Did they disappear just as fast as they did? Letladika looked down at the ground. "I think we can," he nodded his head. "Yes, I think we can." His tail flicked happily at his answer as he turned towards Sauda, giving her a loving look.
Yes. They could.
She smiled. At least he thought so. Which meant that they would, right? She smiled and seemed to be at ease with the world. She giggled and licked Letlatika playfully and wagged her tail a bit. She didn't know why, but she felt playful around him. He brought the inner child out of her... Or maybe it was the inner adult? She was already childish most the time. There were silence, yet spoken works in her eyes as she looked upon his.
A childish demean filled him that moment. Letladika never felt happier sitting next to her as they watched the stars. He felt his chest burst from the lack of calming since it had been pounding too much, and he exploded into a world of happiness with her at his side. The lovingly smile that adorned his features did not leave; instead, it grew larger as he nuzzled her more and more. He never loved someone so much, and he would never let go of her.
"I love you so much, Sauda," he whispered and licked her cheek affectionately. "I love you so much."
And he meant every word of it as they watched the stars. Feelings had been realized, love realized, happiness among them. The stars watched them beneath.
The words kept filling her ears over and over. Her heart racing every time he said them. Every time he looked at her. She felt sick, but the good type.... As if something was fluttering around in her. "I love you too" She gasped in a whisper. Everything seemed almost perfect. Just missing a few minor details, but that'd be for the future.
End.
