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Ummmm . . .

Would it be rude of me to offer to beta that for you? Because it's kind of hard to read. The content looks excellent, though. ^^ I just can't quite get a sense of the story with the way the formatting is.

When someone offers to beta, they're just offering to help you clean up your writing a little. I like what I see in the story, it's just hard to read because of the way the lines are run together, and some of the punctuation. I'm just offering to help a little. ^^

EDIT: Taken a peek at mine yet?

ch2!!!!!!!
"Just leave me alone," I said.

"Come on," Yusuke said. "Come down. I'm sure Yukina would like to see you."

I glared at him. "No."

"Come on!" Yusuke grabbed my arm and tugged me.

"Let me go!"

"Stop being a party pooper," he responded; he pulled me down on the ground, hard.

"Baka!" I yelled at him. He drug me inside.

"Hey, look what I fished out of a tree!" he said, grinning. Kuwabara, who was there, gave a clueless look.

"Hiei-san!" Yukina hopped up and threw arms around me. "Where have you been?" I ignored her question.

"Wow, it's been such a long time, I almost forgot how short you are," Kuwabara stated. I looked over, giving him a death glare.

"He's very testy today," Yusuke said to Kuwabara.

"Baka," I said, and began to leave.

"Hey, wait!" Yusuke said.

"Why don't you stay a while? We're going to eat as soon as Kurama gets here," Yukina begged.

The last few words echoed in my mind; I know that name. I know who that…I shook the thought away.

"Oh, you've heard from him?" Yusuke asked Kuwabara.

"Yeah. Not for weeks, then one day like bang! He calls."

"I cant," I blurted out. "I…I've got to go," I said hastily, and ran out, slamming the door behind me.

I hid high in "my tree". Why, I had no idea. I didn't belong here or in the Makai. I had no reason to stay, though going back would be just as pointless. Life seemed so… confusing. To me it used to be just killing and surviving. Then I met Kurama, and it was still killing and surviving but he seemed to think there was something more. I shook the thought out of my head. It didn't matter what it was, not now.

As the sun set I heard voices below me.

"Goodbye, Yusuke," someone said. It was Kurama's voice. I had almost forgotten the sound of his voice! He had to blow it by speaking up.

"See ya, Kurama!" Yusuke responded. I covered my ears.

"Stupid fox," I mumbled to myself. I looked down -- Yusuke looked back up at me from the corner of his eye. He motioned for me to come down.

What did he want now? I jumped down and leaned against the tree.

"What's going on?" he said firmly.

"With what?" I said casually.

"Between you and Kurama! What is it?"

"Nothing," I said.

"Don't give me that nothing crap! I know something's up and Kurama wasn't any help, so spit it out!"

I sighed. "Are you hard of hearing? Nothing is going on."

"Then what did happen?" Yusuke said, losing his temper. "Is there some sort of break-up I don't know about?!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, glaring.

"Seriously, you think no one's noticed? You two really had it going! Then suddenly you both back out then show up pretending you've never met! I know there's something going on, now what is it!"

"I don't know," I said, looking away.

"Dammit, Hiei! Why do you have to be so difficult?"

"No one asked you to interfere. As far as I'm concerned, it's history that no one cares about."

"Don't make me shoot you!" he roared.

"Be my guest!!" I yelled back. He made a face at me. I paused, then realized what I had said.

"I…" I fumbled for words. "Just leave me alone!" I said, and turned around. Yusuke grabbed my arm, preventing me from leaving,

"That was the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Especially coming from you."

I looked around; Yukina and Kuwabara were both standing, watching us, wide-eyed. Kuwabara's mouth hung open like a dead fish (something I can only picture him doing XD). I pulled away and began walking off. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Back off! " I yelled and wheeled around. It was Yukina.

"Hiei-san, maybe you should talk to Kurama," she said.

"No!" I yelled. She looked taken aback. "I mean -- I'm sorry, Yukina-chan. I just -- I can't."


I cant think of anything else. Poof! Chapters out. Seriously I got nothing. Sorry about the screwy paragraphs my computers being stupid.

actually i dont even know whats going on. its still.....kinda ..... i m working on it. yeah.
anywho ive got the next chapter written ill try to post it in that thingy you said whatever it was....that didnt make any sense did it?

ch3 is up! and i know something you don't about the chapter! ha

I entered the room seeing Yusuke, Botan, Yukina, Kuwabara, and Kurama sitting in an obscure circle.

"look who decided to show up!" Botan chirped. I avoided looking directly at Kurama and quietly sat on

the opposite side of the room.

"come on." Yusuke said impatiently. "lets get this over with!"

I looked over at the redhead kitsune. His face was emotionless and his eyes ceased to glitter as they once

had. I wonder why. IT was not like him to be so apathetic.

Does this mission require all of us?" HE spoke up. Botan paused for a moment. " well i guess not maybe

one or two of you could do it alone."

I immediately stood up. there was no point in sticking around if I wasn’t

needed. Kurama Glanced at me as he left.

"you too?" Yusuke said.

I nodded and followed Kurama out walking slowly ion hopes of avoiding him. To my dismay He stood just

outside his arms folded not looking at anything in particular.

"I didn't expect to see you here." He said flatly.

"why not?" I said taking a seat on the steps.

"I just didn’t think you would show up. after..." He trailed off.

"well, what did you expect me to be pinning for you?" i said my anger rising.

"of coarse not. I know you wouldn’t waste you’re time on something like that." He answered.

"Then what are you doing. Aren't you the one that said it wouldn't be worth while." I spat back at him.

"Your being here makes no difference to me." He said unfolding his arms.

"Then why are you leaving?" I pressed.

"I don't believe that is any of your business."

"oh i guess its just me being here. I'm such a pain aren't I?"

"well right now you are doing a really good job of it." He said

"Now I get it!" I yelled.

"Get what?" he said confused.

Ignoring his Question i stood up and sped off back to the Makai.

Now i see how he really feels. What it was before I don't know but he never really loved me. I tried to tell

myself i don't care but something else was nagging at me.

***

Makai always held a sense of power for me, but not now. it seamed like an empty lifeless wilderness. it

looked to me much like I felt, just there existing only to take up space. This place i had once considered

home reminded me of how empty I am. I always considered myself somewhat if an antagonist. Now i

know i am but it doesn't feel the same. Like part of me with more sense had finally spoken up. Then i

noticed something . Just sitting there like a small child by standing. Its leaves branched out growing wild

and free far larger than any bush in the Nigenkai. large crimson blossoms stretched out their infinite

petals.

WHY! Ever where i go there is something reminding me, mocking me not here too! I pulled out my

katana and began swinging it wildly at the bush. i tore it apart like a mad animal shredding the flowers. I

stomped on them like an angry child.

"STUPID STUPID ROSES!" i shouted throwing my katana on the ground and flopped down. I put my

head in my hands. i realized my tears were tear stained. little black gems littered the ground. i wiped away

the tears an sighed heavily. (i actually debated about putting this part in but i wondered what it would be

like to see hiei throwing a fit.)

"there is no way this is happening to me!" i said to myself. not I Hiei Jaganshi. I let go of the tears i was

holding back and cried.

"fine!" i shouted "I’ll admit it I 'Am' in love with 'kurama'!!"

i wiped away the tears and picked up the only complete rose left fingering its velvet petals and dagger like

thorns. i do love kurama but i wonder what does he think of me now? it is clear he no longer is open to

me. he no longer cared for me as he once did. the roses thorn sliced my finger and blood trickled down.

then an idea came to me.

I cringed slightly as the thorns dug into my flesh. it tore open my wrist. i just sat an watched as the blood

flowed freely. it felt so calming, i turned to my other wrist and did the same. the world swayed as i began

to loose consciousness.
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now for my annoying comments!
i was trying to think of another way to say bush because its so plain but all i could think of was shrub and that sounds stupid to me and it also makes me think of shrubbery. if i used that id never be able to finish cause i cant stop laughing!
blaugh
when ever the whole group is together you can assume they are at Genkai's unless i say otherwise. often time when read fanfics the refer to it as her so called temple however i cant remember any such reference in the anime or manga. if you're someone who notices stupid things in stupid fanfics no Genkai is not actually there. this does take place long after the series ends so theres a good possibility shes dead by then.
anywho about the mission crap i find it very hard to believe this happening. after the chapter black saga the Rekai tentai doesn't actually take orders from koenma or the reikai but since they seldom meet up afterwards i put it in there anyway. sorry for wasting you time. well actually I'm not its your fault if you bother to read this.