The silliest anology ever | Page 1 | Pro-Choice Gaians | Guild Forums

MGadda

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Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2007 12:55 pm

OK, so it's not good enough to use in a debate, but hopefully it'll make you guys chuckle. I don't know why my brain went here... it just did. And yes, it did occur to me while I was playing. xd
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So I was slacking off and playing New Super Mario Bros. for the Nintendo DS, right? And I was on this nasty stage with Bullet Bills flying everywhere, and Bob-Ombs on the march en masse. So Mario's doing his thing, dodging bullets, dodging bombs, hitting blocks. He comes across a particularly fine looking block.

"Boy, I'd-a hit that," he mused. So he did! "Yahoo!"

And lo and behold, out of the block came a 1-Up Mushroom. Oh, my! It was a brand new life!

But much to my dismay, it immediately slithered its way into a blocked-off pit under heavy fire by Bullet Bills. The odds of Mario going into that pit and coming out unscathed were looking slim. My God, he could die in there! Sure, he had already gotten a Super Mushroom, so he could potentially go in and take just one hit. Was it worth it? He had worked awfully hard for that Super Mushroom and it would be terrible to lose it. And he certainly didn't want to risk dying. Why, if he died in there, then both the life of the mushroom and his life would be lost! What folly!

But, was it really right to let that little green mushroom go? After all, Mario was the one who hit that block. Maybe if he weren't such a block-hitting slut, this never would have happened! He knew there was a risk of a 1-Up Mushroom coming out of brick blocks, even if it were something like 1 in 1000. And just letting that little mushroom go... there's two more hands that will never fire fireballs... two more feet that will never stomp Goombas. Who knows, maybe this life would have been the one to defeat Bowser. It could be the one the rescue the Princess!

On the other hand, what about Mario's life? This Mario was the one who had worked so hard to get to this stage. Was it really right to disregard the life of this Mario just because a potential Mario had appeared?

NO!

Ultimately, this Mario came first. While the 1-Up could become a Mario, it most certainly was not a Mario. It could not think, it could not feel. Sure, it was cute, with its little eyes and all, but studies prove that 1-Up mushrooms don't really feel anything until they become Marios. Do they recoil when a Goomba bumps into them? Do they flinch at all when they land in lava? I think not!

So, maybe Mario wants to have a 1-Up someday. Maybe he doesn't. Would he go after that 1-Up had it not been so dangerous? Maybe. But there's always some danger in going after 1-Ups. And maybe that Mario only wants a few 1-Ups anyway, or maybe he's focused on getting ahead in his levels and pursuing princess-saving, and doesn't want to slow down for any 1-Ups. Each situation is unique, so Mario is really the best one suited to decide the right time to choose a 1-Up.

His lives! His choice!
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You may now proceed to the part where I get pelted with rotten tomatoes. I totally deserve it. xd