ShinningLight
So far I've seen a lot of the use of 'she' when you are referring to Hinata. Using her name is alright. 24 times I think it was used in the first chapter. Also separating author's notes can help readers determine what is part of the story and what is not. Some things are not necessary for you to say, let the readers read between the lines like saying Kiba had a crush on Hinata. So far, I like the way it is written. Very descriptive.
Keep up the great work!
~ShinningLight (Maria) wink Heh, yeah. I didn't mean to add so many "she" 's.
xd I was just starting out, so I was sort of... "nervous", with how I would go along with things. Hopefully I'll improve in later chapters. ^^
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