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Okay, most people have told me I am overreacting, but I kinda just want a few other viewpoints and to see if anyone else has experienced this/felt like I do.

Basically, being on bed rest this week, the hubby left me his laptop. I know not to peek around, this is his personal computer afterall, but I didn't expect to go to google to look for a picture and be confronted by his past search list.

Some of the searches scare me, curiosity probably got the better of him. But some of them just upset me. Like lesbian teenagers.

Now, I've talked to friends (all male) who say I shouldn't get too upset and that he doesn't mean anything by it, but they have to see how I'm viewing it. (Or try to). Our sex life is less than active and to know he needs to look up these things instead of/as well as turning to me upsets me a fair amount. Especially considering I've been feeling like he hasn't found me attractive for about a year now. I put it down to stress at first and now I've been told that maybe he's afraid of hurting me and the baby, but when it comes down to times he wants sex, I put out. So I'm feeling like I'm just his outlet.

Doesn't help that I'm 24 weeks now, bloated like a balloon, with dry skin and stretch marks that look like the wall of china. This is quite the blow to my self confidence.

Admittedly, I wouldn't have known about it if he'd cleared his search, but now I do, I don't know how I should be thinking or acting.

Any advice?

Honestly, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Most men, even if their sex life is amazing and their partner is the most beautiful woman on the planet, will still look at porn.

Please don't take it as a blow to your self confidence. Talk to him about it, and I bet you anything he's been looking up stuff like that since he was a teenager.

Well, what his friends do and their relationship boundaries are irrelevant to yours. I mean, I understand being pregnant and feeling unattractive. I know my last pregnancy sex was out of the question for us.

If you both discussed early in your relationship porn was not acceptable, he needs to respect that. It sounds like it's a bigger issue than just looking at pictures (since you say it's not the first time), so I advise getting some marital counseling. Most people only go when they are on the verge of divorce, which can only do so much.

Your feelings, even if he thinks it's no big deal, are a big deal to you. Maybe you two need to sit down and reevaluate the boundaries of trust and feelings. Sometimes spouses just don't click with how it affects us at first.

If it upsets you hon, then it needs to be worked out, period. Especially given that being pregnant does make you more emotional/intensifies hurt feelings (or good feelings).

However, some men have incredibly high sex drives and they feel guilty coming to us for satisfaction, especially when they see us asleep because we're dead tired or we're just laying on the couch like a zombie because we're so wiped. I honestly think it's out of love and respect for us that they don't bug us 24/7 for some nookie.

I know my boyfriend looks at porn and it's personally, never really bugged me. Then again though he is always touching me and giving me affection and showing me how attractive I feel.. not to mention that everybody who knows us is always saying that he looks at me like I'm the only woman in the world. Sometimes the issues some women have with porn isn't neccesarily that their men are getting off without them, but that they're not being given enough attention/physical affection period.

Maybe try talking to him and asking for some more affection? More "I love you" and "You're gorgeous" talks.. it may seem silly to hear it all the time but I know it makes me feel so secure and it may make you feel a little better. Either way the issue with porn itself will need to be taken care of.

Good luck!

confused Who told you to just ignore it and that stuff?

I hope you two can sit down and really talk about this. Your feelings are valid, no matter what. I know people always balk when it's suggessted, but it really can't hurt to do some couples therapy/counseling. Sometimes having a professional mediator helps gets the issues out there and solutions as well.

I disagree with MQubed-- Porn does not create a natural progression like that and I hope you don't let that scare you or freak you out. For some people, like myself, porn has been just another sexual tool for us to use like a vibrator or another toy.

Seeing beautiful women and sexual fantasies played out does not make an adult suddenly unable to distinguish a real sexual encounter from a fantasy.. the person denying actual sex to look at porn should be held accountable for their own actions, such as in this situation, and their own decisions, not on the porn itself. Plenty of people use porn without any problems.

Not trying to be argumentative, just saying.

Anyway:

Porn is bad in this scenario because of how it's making you, RaiRai, feel. Everyone is different and every relationship is different. Just because me and my boyfriend happen to be okay with how we use porn, doesn't mean that our rules are "correct" and should apply to everyone.

This is obviously really upsetting you and you really NEED to address it. "He's just doing what men do" is not an adequete reason to deny your own feelings and emotional well-being. If you were causing him serious emotional distress by maxing out all of your credit cards shopping on a weekly basis, you would not be justified in that by an argument of "Well, women like to shop!"

I really hope you address this situation with him-- you're carrying his child and you deserve to feel happy and secure, not lonely and rejected.

I hope things get better!

I grew up with a dad who was oblivious to any woman but my mother. It's as if his eyes are constantly glued to her. Also, that is how my fiance is. I have high standards for guys when it comes to those sorts of things. I guess since he's a man... no wait, it's not okay. Especially the teenagers part. That would be child pornography most likely.