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[Mint ; ItaHina] Criticism?

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  Lovely. >:3
  It was okay, but has room for improvement. [Post, please]
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Acerbic Song

PostPosted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 3:49 pm


This was an ItaHina oneshot I wrote not too long ago. It was a request from one of my friends on DA--they wanted to see Hinata get bitter over being rejected by Naruto, and then she meets up with Itachi. :3

And ItaHina is right below my OTP, so I was ecstatic to do it. (Mint on DA)

YOU KNOW I SHOULD REALLY GET ON THAT TERM PAPER.

~~~~

She let out a low hiss, her eyes wide, and then blinking with an inhuman look, and then wide again.

She was a simple girl. A shinobi, and shinobi lived in the night.

But she was an heiress. A “princess” a “head.” Others made sacrifices for her, because she wasn't someone who lived in the darkness—was she a shinobi? Naruto was one, so wouldn't that be her new goal? Her new determination?

Her new hardship?

And he had rejected her feelings, her tie to this sky.

A low, frustrated growl came from her throat, and she reached for the dark, fresh sky above her.

It took her away, fervently kissing her.

~


“Your face is scarlet, Hinata,” he commented, lightly carressing her face for a moment. She smiled softly, rubbing her neck for a moment—she was tainted, now, with some sort of weight that wasn't deciphered yet—she couldn't go, and she wouldn't.

Oh, how she loved this sky. It let her touch the ground.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 11:05 pm


Are you going to continue it?

Rock Jun

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AlwaysHiei
Captain

PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 8:04 am


I like it! A lot! It was very simple, and didn't include a lot of unnecessary details. The ending was so nice. ^_^_^_^_^

I can ask what Shin Lu asked as well, as this could be either a oneshot or more. Either way, I definitely enjoyed reading this.
PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 5:02 pm


AlwaysHiei
I like it! A lot! It was very simple, and didn't include a lot of unnecessary details. The ending was so nice. ^_^_^_^_^

I can ask what Shin Lu asked as well, as this could be either a oneshot or more. Either way, I definitely enjoyed reading this.


Thanks very much! <3

Hmm...I was contemplating that when I put it up on deviantART. I could branch it into another story I'm writing (SasuHina, though if I did that the ItaHina wouldn't continue), or leave it in it's own storyline and continue it that way. I'm thinkin' the second one. So, uh~ I'll probably continue it sometime. XD


Acerbic Song


ShinningLight
Vice Captain

PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2007 6:08 pm


I would love to read it but there's a problem with DA. I have to get off soon so I'll read it tomorrow.
PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2007 7:01 pm


SilverMoon779
I would love to read it but there's a problem with DA. I have to get off soon so I'll read it tomorrow.


They have...the funniest error alert. xD "*evil laugh*Oh noes! A deviantART error has occurred!"

Well, I don't know what's going on. D: Aaand~ I don't have time to read through all those reports. ><;

Browse through this only page and it should be there...somewhere.

And if not, well, at least it's still on this page. :B

Acerbic Song


Rainbow Pinku

PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2007 9:49 pm


Would you even call it a oneshot? rofl... xD
Anyway that was very short indeed!

However it did convey a lot of emotion which was nice.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 27, 2007 2:17 pm


xD...I'll have to think up a new name, then.

Thank you! :]

Acerbic Song


x C o t t o n

PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 7:02 pm



Oh wow.
Amazing. <333
I really like it.
Hope it becomes more than just a oneshot.

PostPosted: Sat Feb 16, 2008 9:21 am


^-^ It was really nice. You couldn't really tell it was ItaHina. And it was a drabble, but I really like it.

CobaltLemon

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Fanfiction Forum (Show off your amazing writing ability and get some help)

 
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