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I attempted Crowley's Evocation of Bartzabel on my own(you're supposed to have 2-3 people I believe). I ended up making it to the point where you summon the "black dog of bartzabel" and I felt an overwhelming vicious entity and ended the ritual with a quick banishing.

I think thats the only time when I've almost "gone too far", but it's not to say I wouldn't try it alone again now, it's been a while since I tried that.

Not as interesting or arcane as the previous entries, but almost killed myself while making a potion that [w/c]ould have given off SO3 if I hadn't realised ten seconds before doing it. XD

A long time ago I repeatedly tried forcing otherkin awakenings and was pretty much at the brink of total insanity and couldn't tell what was real or fake. I don't know that I've learned anything from it though sweatdrop

And another time I tried unlocking random stuff in my energetic body and I stumbled upon something I didn't recognize and I was messing with it and screwed up my energy system and was again freakin' out, and.. another incident like that had Sam telling me to stop and that if I keep stuff like that up, I'm going to destroy my energetic body and soul and stuff. Can't say I've learned much from that either. sweatdrop stressed

And a loooooooong time ago I did a divination ritual thingy, and got chills, I know that doesn't count but it was interesting sweatdrop ...

I've tried numerous things considered Lethal or Suicidal and had no result other than really bad mood swings sweatdrop


Me and magick or psionics or anything like that is pretty much like the warning on the side those big buckets that show a crossed out picture of a toddler falling in the bucket, without the crossed out part. I'd be scared if I ever made any progress beyong being able to bend a piece of paper slightly sweatdrop

King in Yellow like Robert W. Chambers, or King in Yellow like avatar of Hastur? XD

Ah, so, the one with tentacles then. XD

Lets see... I've been knocked down staircases, had parts of my memory wiped, nasty entities deciding to live in my house (and having a hell of a time finding a way to get rid of them with my control-freak mother. Most good banishings require things like candles and incense.), almost run over by cars and almost hit by trains. I've been locked in the astral and tortured (nobody mentions that sort of thing can happen when you astral travel, do they??).

Comparing myself to people I know, I actually play it very, very safe.
I know people that have had major parts of their memories altered. As in, they had friends they were close to, and several months later hardly remembered their names, much less the friendship. One has periods equivalent to several years of her life that she can't remember. I'd like to point out there are no drugs or alcohol involved here.

I know people that have made arrangements with entities that are really nasty- that possess them, or torture them while they sleep, or mess with their minds until they don't know what is what. It's very unsettling to talk with someone and to have to pay attention to their behavior, to the way they talk and laugh, to make sure it's your friend you are talking to and not something else. This is why I will NEVER invite anything into my body for any reason- generally, once you invite something, it has an open access pass. Fun, eh? And I've yet to find an anti-invite.

I have many, some of me and some stories of students I had.

Ill start with my worst one.


It was summer and at the time I was obessed with getting stronger, better and so on.
It all started when my friend decided to try to make a "kao ken"((from dbz)) technique.
So being the genius I am I helped him and developed a dangerous technique with awsome results.
His version he would draw in alot of energy from his suroundings and fill his chakaras to their max and let it go and explode.
It worked and increased his abillity(strength, speed, and so on) but afterwords he would burn out for a week or so.
My version was more intense and so damaging I still havent recoverd from it fully.
I wont explain everything but basicaly I found a way to convert physical energy into lower forms of energy like Ki, Chi, and/or other energies.
Its results were amazing and unbelivible, I was able to lift a car off the ground about an inch! and was able to run at equaly amazing speeds.
But the techniques after effects were horrible and I basicaly had only enough energy to live and could only get out of bed to eat and do other neccessary things.
After a month I was able to play the computer and after a couple monthes I could function as much as someone burnt out.
And after about 6monthes I was able to feel my energy again and I had to try to mend the mess, luckly my friend helped me do it and I thank him so much for helping me during that.
In short dont be an idiot and try to harm yourself to get power.