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 Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 4:29 pm
 Loki looked around curiously, taking in the sights around him. Surrounded by the steel infrastructure of the city, Loki felt dwarfed, insignificant. The slightest foreign noise would make his insides jump, from the honking of a nearby car, the sirens of the various city departments, down to the human couple quarreling outside an overrun bar. Not exactly sure how he ended up here, he made the assumption that he was not in the right part of the city. A brilliant deduction, Sherlock. Shrugging, he kept walking; the humans were not likely to harm him.
He arrived quickly at a sight where other foxes fought over scraps. Once again shrugging it off, he walked on. Suspicious humans walked past him, no doubt up to no good if they were slinking around in the shadows around here. Still, he felt no immediate threat. Perhaps they were bigger, and they had those foolish toys they called guns, but he was armed with claws and teeth; he would at least give them a souvenir as he went down. So this is where the Syndicate lives. Interesting.12.5
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Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 4:41 pm
The back door of the inn's kitchen creaked open, spilling warm yellow light on to the concrete of the alley. A hand reached down, setting a dish of warm, boneless chicken on the steps, and the human owner grinned at the pair of eyes peering out of the shadows.
"There y'are, beau'ful. Enjoy."
With that he returned to the kitchen, shutting the door behind him with a clunk. Sonia trotted gratefully forward, took a piece of the chicken and headed back towards the street.
A familiar face stopped her in her tracks.
Was that...Loki?
Moving quietly closer, she realised she had been right: the dark elder had gained a new earring since she last saw him, among other things, but the face and markings were unmistakeable. It was him. Delighted, she took the chicken over to him and set it at his feet.
"Hail, Elder," she said, smiling warmly. "The cook left more in a dish by the back door if it takes your fancy."
It was good to see him again. He looked well, if a little ruffled - likely it was the noise and bustle of the metropolis. Newcomers seldom took it well. Having lived here all her life, though, Sonia was untroubled.14.5
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Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 4:52 pm
Loki laughed in delight.
"Just the Elder I was looking for. Evening, Sonia."
He grinned and shook his head in exasperation.
"Really Sonia, don't flatter me with words such as 'hail'. I fear respect such as that does not suit me," he chuckled. "And I 'll leave the chicken for you and the rest of your tribe. I actually ate right before arriving here. Don't ask how I ended up here, though it's a valid question." He looked at the expanse of asphalt and concrete behind him and added, "I'm not even sure myself..."
He rolled at his eyes at the unrevealing darkness, turning to look back at Sonia.
"Apologies. I've been in a rather odd mood lately. Thoughts all helterskelter, ramblings, the works. But I digress. How have you been faring, comrade?"
He felt safe calling Sonia comrade. After all, they worked towards common goals. Both of them lived in enviroments normally seen as unsuitable for other foxes, bringing others into a unified body with them.
17
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Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 5:13 pm
No sooner had Loki spoken than another fox sneaked out of the shadows, took the chicken in its jaws and vanished. Sonia chuckled. "Quick off the mark as ever. That was Hylden. And I apologise if my turn of phrase makes you feel uncomfortable - it would hardly suit me, though, not to show the proper respect to another elder."
She led the way into the alley, away from the bustle of the street, and settled herself comfortably out of the way. "I suppose...I fare as well as could be expected," she answered after some thought. "Times are hard with only a few of us. We scrape together what we can to survive, but the other urban foxes are a constant threat. They are hardened loners like Hylden, every one, and they seem to know the city like the backs of their paws. We sometimes come to blows with them over food. Places like this - " She indicated the tavern with a swish of her tail. " - are a welcome break. The cook knows us all, feeds us. ...But enough about me. How are you? How are your people?"
It was genuine concern. There was something troubling in the way he spoke of his mood, something...nagging. He didn't seem right with the world. Perhaps she was just imagining things, but it never hurt to ask.
18
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Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 5:36 pm
Loki, ever restless recently, continued standing. He feared sitting, making no movement-letting his guard down for one moment would unleash what he was terrified lay inside of him.
"Sounds rough. Forgive me if I sound rude, but-" He turned and smiled warmly at Sonia. "-you, and your fellow tribe members are welcome to the game in Kousestsu, should you wish to make the journey. I can't imagine letting a the tribe of one whom I wish to call a friend starving, with so few members."
He added as an afterthought, admiration in his eyes, "Although I daresay you all are well equipped to survive, if you have made it this far in such an area."
He sighed; the topic of his tribe was not difficult to answer, but how was he faring? Anxiety ridden for weeks, he had no idea how he was truly faring.
"Kousetsu progresses steadily each day. Our members all come from various backgrounds, and most were hurt early in life. Thankfully, they have all unified into a common body, and work to channel their suffering into something much more profound and everlasting: the happiness of our tribe. Everything seems to be looking up...for all of them."
He grinned darkly, noticing that he had said 'them', and not 'us'.
"How do I fare? I do not know, Sonia. I have thought and thought for weeks now, and I have no answer. Sleep rarely finds me, and I have even been confronted over whatever this is by my fellow, Sahari. Even Tempest, my foolhardy and at times oblivious nephew has seen it. And I provide answers to them, but I am not sure they are the right ones."
He sighed. His ability to ramble to almost anyone would never cease to astound him. And you wonder why you feel menial, with little respect paid to you. Idiot.
21.5
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Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 6:01 pm
It hurt to hear of suffering. Perhaps she ran too close to empathy, understood too well, or perhaps her subconscious mind recalled a time she could not remember. Her early life was a mystery to her, but Sonia had a feeling that it had not been easy. And there was something wrong. No satisfaction in being right, though, not over something like this. She gave him a slightly pained look, saddened to hear that all was not going quite according to plan.
"If something troubles you, Loki, and you cannot tell what it is...I fear there is little I can do for you," she said quietly. "I cannot assist with that which I do not understand. Is there anything you can tell me, anything at all that might clear the mists a little? I would do anything within my power to help you - I hope you understand that."
Equally as much, she hoped he knew she was sincere. Her eyes tried to show it, but she was aware of how everything must seem. The Boss of the Sanguine Syndicate was an enigmatic figure at best, and at worst utterly incomprehensible: how could she expect anyone to take anything she said at face value? They expected riddles from her, riddles and rhymes, not simple concern for another fox's wellbeing.
14
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Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 6:12 pm
Loki smiled gently. "Thank you, Sonia. It means much that you would be willing to listen if I could provide you with answers. And while I cannot be definite, perhaps I can aid you."
He wandered into deep thought for a moment, and then started his story, albeit a concise version. "As a kit, I had two older brothers. The eldest, a foul, cruel fox, with little regard for others. The other, a much more optimistic fellow, willing to forgive any sin.-" He interjected with a short bark of laughter-"But, I fell into the category of eldest brother veneration. For the longest time, I worshipped the ground my eldest brother stepped on, taking in every awful word he said eagerly. A sponge, if you will. It was not until long after that I noticed I felt the same way. The urge to kill, to destroy, to corrupt was omnipresent. I began to push it back, only letting it seep through when my other brother pushed too hard for answers and I attacked him. It has been a long time since they both went back to the great Mother in the sky, and I am not sure if I have truly won the war against such hatred. I am terrified to look, terrified of hurting my tribe, of letting Sahari down."
He paused and then added. "And I became an Elder so quickly. I worry that I did not mature correctly at times, seeing the other Elders. I was an adult for a menial few hours, how could I possibly have the mentality for this rank?"
He shrugged, still looking at the streets, listening to the white noise of the background. Another couple fighting nearby. More sirens blaring, more cars honking. Humans. Humans, ever impatient, honking, yelling, rushing. He shook the thoughts out of his mind.
"Perhaps the answers were a little more clear than I thought."
25
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Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 7:08 pm
It was all she could do not to reach out to the elder as he spoke. The confessions tumbling one by one from his mouth, the fears and insecurities seeming to loom over him like monstrous terrors of the night, Loki had never seemed so young, so small, so vulnerable. Sonia longed to shield him from the world, though she knew it would do him not an ounce of good. Once he had finished speaking, she sighed.
"Do you know what learned helplessness is, Loki?" she said softly. "Atticus, my shaman, he told me of it. It is a state of belief, of knowing that one is helpless in the face of ill happenings. Unsurprisingly, it is nigh impossible for one who suffers from it to succeed." She gave him a look of sadness. "I fear you have it, my friend, and soundly too. I never saw any reason to think you immature, less still unfit for your post. As far as my opinion means anything, I have faith in you. As for the darkness..."
Her eyes seemed to glaze over. She was almost looking through him now - perhaps she was gazing at something far beyond him, far beyond the world. Slowly she rose to her feet, padded to the centre of the alley with a wide area of space all around her, and paced back and forth as she spoke.
"Sometimes the day brings no rest," she said, eyes now on the ground in front of her paws. "Sometimes I cannot sleep, plagued by the heat or by insects or by hostile creatures. Then the night comes, and I must rest then instead. It never goes well for me. Strange dreams come to haunt me, and in every one I hope to find myself with friends or, if that may not be, alone. I...never do."
The pacing was becoming more erratic now. Her tail lashed from side to side. "It comes. I cannot escape it - I run, and it runs faster. Every time I try, every time I fail. And then it touches me, my paw, my tail, some little part of me that lags behind, and I..." She stopped in her tracks, breathless, ashamed. "...I fall before it in ecstacy. It swallows me up like a cloak, and even as it does I want it. I long for it. I beg to be consumed by it, and it is all too eager to oblige." Her paws were shaking. "Then everything is scent and sound and speed, and something, some fox, I think, is running before me. I give chase. What else can I do, crazed as I am with this power? And then I close the gap, and I leap, and I am all jaws, claws, sinew, and the red river is steel, hot steel on my tongue, and the very meat is screaming, and the mad blood is rising, still rising, and my muzzle and limbs are steeped in gore, and the cursed stars look down on me and they are laughing, laughing, laughing - "
Her voice had raised to fever pitch, and she sat now on her haunches with her forepaws tangled in her mane. Claws gripped her flesh - her own, she realised numbly, retracting them.
"...And then I awake," she whispered brokenly, her paws sliding down her face, "with blood on my lips where - in my madness - I have bitten myself."
Almost at once she began to regret telling him. What if it was some memory of her past? What if she really had killed another fox and devoured its flesh? What must become of her then? Realising she had little choice, she ploughed on. Still, she did not dare to meet his eyes. "I hear its voice sometimes during my waking hours. Every time I have fended it off, all save one - an outsider was attacking Hylden, a big dog fox, and she was struggling. Something took hold of me then, and I flung myself out of the shadows and I hit him and I almost killed him, I think, before he fled. I was covered in blood, and part of me wanted to finish him off. Part of me wanted the kill. I forced it back, though. I had to. It would not be...I do not think I would be myself if I had killed him."
She raised her eyes to him at last. "We all have a dark side, Loki. The greater and more powerful we grow, the greater and more terrible our demons become. But they do not define us. They are not what makes us who we are. What makes us who we are...is what we do with them."
She could feel her confidence returning with each passing word. Her gaze was intense as she approached him, eyes gleaming in the dark.
"I struggle with the darkness inside me every day, Loki, as do you. There is no shame in having it. We all have it. What will make us mighty...is the mastery of it. Learning when and how to summon it, and when and how to dismiss it again. Knowing it will come when we call, and that we can send it away at our will. Chaining our demons...and unleashing them only in the defence of what is true, righteous, good."
And then something softened in her expression, growing, as she sat down before him and raised a gentle paw to his cheek, into a smile.
"To conquer others gives us power," she said, as quiet as could be. "But to conquer ourselves...is to know the way."
73.5
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Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 8:56 pm
Loki looked up to meet Sonia's eyes. He saw himself reflected in her dark orbs, the gold of his piercing glinting brightly. Quickly, he looked up and to the side, watching another human talk on some contraption for a time. After several minutes of thinking and studying the human male, he sighed. He did not look back at Sonia, terrified of seeing his reflection again.
"You dream of killing one. An awful, blood-filled nightmare, to be sure." He turned to look at her slowly, hesitantly, but did not make eye contact. In a quiet, ashamed voice, he expanded, "Tell me though, have you ever dreamed of killing a tribe member? I am horrified by the drama my brain acts out each night, with my unsuspecting members used as the players. I find myself by our lake, Kosui at the start of each dream, bathed in the moonlight. Kosui seems to be the sacred point of our territory. Every once in awhile, a blinding lights and harmonious voices emit from its center, buried eep in the depths of the ice sheets. In my dreams, those voices urge me to kill, to exterminate. I am a puppet, doing as I am told. One by one, I give chase. Itsuki, then Rae, Tempest, Rain, Ryari, Masao, my own mate Chuas, Terra, Kyou, Kinovu, Miki, Cari, Sahari, Seth. Always in that order. I kill the only others I've ever called family because voices tell me to. Voices that sound like...him." He broke off with a snarl, wrenching back the sob that wanted to tear him apart.
"I do not hurt myself in my sleep, but every morning when I wake up, the first thing I see is crimson. Everywhere. On the snow, on the trees, on me, the list goes on. And then that all fades away, back to the uniform colors that are actually supposed to be there, and I always wonder if it was real, and some force plays a trick on me each morning and every evening I am sucked into a play that I can never stop. An endless cycle of betrayal and blood."
For the first time in several long minutes, he made eye contact, smiling ruefully. "Conquer my inner demons, my darkness? Perhaps I do have this belief of learned helplessness. I see myself attacking my tribe one day all the time, and try as I might, I cannot force that dread to leave me."
He looked up at the sky, obscured by factory smog and artificial lights. "I suppose all I can do is pray that I have the power to overcome my darkness."
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Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 7:04 am
As Loki's words spilled over her, Sonia seemed to shrink. The poor soul. And he suffered this every night? The thought was almost unbearable.
"...I have never been much of a one for praying," she admitted quietly. "I do not know how to begin. What should I ask of a god that I could not gain for myself? And, indeed, why should I deserve anything if I cannot attain it without divine intervention? ...Enough about that. You say you feel like a puppet? To your brother, or perhaps his ghost? I cannot see why you should be so. They are your family now, not him. The indiscretions of the past are just that - past. That is not the person you are now. You can throw this off. You can. Something I have learned, a hard lesson, is that the only one who can change me is me. If I wish to change, I must do it myself. If you truly believe that you are becoming this demon...all you can do is fight it. No one else can do that for you. Face it down, fight it. Remember what is real and what is the dream. And..."
She sighed, seeming to run out of words for a moment or two. "...I feel like such a fool, giving you all this empty advice and doing nothing to help you. But this is all I can do. And there is only one thing more I would say, and that is...we are who we pretend to be. We become who we pretend to be, for good or ill. Step into the shoes of an elder. Play the part, and you will become it. Such have I done, and such I am."
Her expression was reassuring, but her eyes were sad. She wanted to do more, though there was nothing to be done. Poor Loki. If only she might have sheltered him somehow - but no. Change one thing in his past and she might change him, and Loki...he was a good fox, no matter what he thought of himself. She liked him. She wouldn't change him for the world.
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Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 2:32 pm
Impulsively, Loki jerked away from Sonia, his tail showing obvious agiation. Like so many times before, this line of subject was causing a great build up of anxiety, and he felt obligated to move, to walk it off, lest he unintentionally take it out on Sonia.
Loki quickly realized that distance would be a way to keep himself from attacking Sonia, and consequently having himself torn to pieces. The building to their left was low-roofed, and he used an obscenely large trash heap to propel himself onto the roof. Satisfied that it was stable, he padded to the edge, looking down at Sonia.
"I do not pray regularly,either. As much as I prefer to work things out for myself, sometimes, I find I need someone who's willing to sit there and listen...without feedback, be it postive or negative. Quickly, I arrived at the conclusion that I would either have to a) find a deaf and dumb fox, or b) speak to my tribe's Higher Being. Naturally, the latter was easier. I can rant to my heart's content, with no one truly judging me.-"He broke off with a chuckle."-and rant I do. Frequently."
As a sidenote, he included, "Besides. If I cannot look to the Higher Beings for help at my worst of times, I feel there would be no hope for me...."
Agitated once more, and curious to see how one overcame such atrocities,he began to pace along the roof, an inky shadow in the ghettoes of Metropolis. He allowed himself to become lost in thought, wandering through the darkest corners of his mind. At almost every turn, he found one of his internal demons, one of the heinous thoughts or idea that plagued his sleep. However, he took Sonia' advice. Drudging up the lightest memories he could, he flooded the demons for several long and grueling minutes, forcing them out of all thought and desire.
He blinked, surprised. "Well, that was...simpler than I expected."
He walked back over to the edge of the roof and smiled softly down at Sonia. "If I have ever received empty advice, it was not from you. I readily welcome the advice of comrades, especially those who I admire for their abilities. Whether you take it to be empty advice or not, it has helped. For the first time, in what will indoubtedly become many times, I've shoved my inner horrors back." Rolling suddenly stiff shoulders, he reinforced his mind with happier ideas, and succeeded in preserving his calm mood.
Much more at peace, he leaped down from the roof, landing gracefully. "Never have I felt more like the Elder I am. I'm more than just poofy pur," he joked. He shook his head violently, chuckling
"But enough of such solemn thoughts, for the time being. Now is not the time or place to go on a mission of self-discovery." He shrugged nonchalantly, starting to wonder vaguely where in the world he was.
He looked around, down both sides of the shadowed street. At intervals, the streetlamps offered small pools of light, but such small areas of illumination gave him no indication of where he was. Utterly confused, he sighed in exasperation. "Perhaps it is a time for discovery, however; I have absolutely no idea where we are."
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Posted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 1:14 pm
And he was returning, leaping down from the rooftops in a manner that spoke of hours of practice, and he was smiling, and Sonia laughed. She couldn't help laughing - it was sheer relief that caused it, born from seeing his spirits lifted for however brief a time. Maybe she could do this after all.
"Then good fortune is yours, my dear sir," she said, leaping to her feet and swishing her tail, "for this is my country, and I can assure you that I know exactly where we are. Come, where do you wish to go? I shall lead you there in the twinkling of an eye. ...Or, if you would but spare me a few moments of your precious time...there is something I would like to show you."
Despite her eloquence, there was something youthful, something pure and childlike in her excitement. Part of Sonia had never grown up, and she was proud of that. Children, after all, never doubt that it is their right to dream.
It was one such dream that she wished to show him now.
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Posted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 1:25 pm
Feeling much more at ease, another fox able to manage his troubles, Loki bestowed his habitual grin on Sonia, tilting his head in his normal manner.
"And the skeptics say there's no such thing as luck," he laughed. "Come, eloquent guide, show me what you will. I have no preferences, and I am sure anything you wish to show me would be worthwhile."
Smiling sheepishly for a moment, he straightened out his piercing, which he had somehow managed to tangle as he leaped off the roof. "Alright, now show me."
He gestured with a paw to the pavement outside the ally, in a manner that spoke of deference. After all, Loki was not in his own lands, and owed Sonia that much more respect for allowing him to be here.
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Posted: Sun Apr 22, 2007 1:57 pm
Needing no further encouragement, Sonia grinned and bounded away down the street. Making sure Loki could see where she'd gone, she ducked around the back of a block of flats and scurried up the metal steps of the fire escape until she reached the top. Here, this was it, this was the one - the bottom of the glass door had been smashed, leaving an empty panel where something solid ought to be. The humans had blamed their own ill-disciplined youngsters for it, but it could just as easily have been done by a Modifox.
"In here," she called to Loki, slipping easily through the gap and into what passed for a roof garden. The concrete walls were marked with something, but exactly what was unclear until the moon came out from behind a cloud, scattering its light through the open roof and bathing the garden in silver-white.
Every single surface was covered in graffiti, all of it done in paw-strokes. The humans had blamed their teenagers for this too, despite the obvious pawprints scattered about the floor. All across the far wall, a stormy sky had been rendered over a dark, barren wasteland. Lightning arced from thunderhead to thunderhead. And there, right in the centre, driven into the earth, was a huge cruciform sword. Its hilt was wrapped in tattered black cloth. Its blade had been painted red, and in such a way that it seemed to gleam - not like metal, but like glass. And to anyone who had examined Sonia closely - or, indeed, any Sanguinite at all - it would look very, very familiar.
"It took us three nights to paint," Sonia said softly. "We were terrified the humans would find us, but they seldom came up here then. The paint had been dry for days by the time they found out. Most of them were horrified, of course, but the local younglings petitioned the council to keep it. And now they come up here all the time. See those rings on the wall? They play ball games with those. Amazing, really, what you can do with a bit of colour."
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Posted: Sun Apr 22, 2007 2:12 pm
Loki, of larger size than Sonia, was busily pulling shards of glass out of his tail. Satisfied that the offending daggers had been removed, he looked up, then became speechless.
He padded up to the the back wall, examining the Sanguinite blade closely. He chuckled and held up a paw, glistening with blood from a previously ignored cut on his paw. "I match it," he said softly.
He continued his examination, and indeed, could faintly smell the stench of stale sweat that spoke of teenagers.
"You do the foolish human younglings a favor," he said. "To be allowed to trepass on such a magnificent piece of art-quite the privilege for such destructive creatures."
He turned a flashed a small grin at Sonia. "Though I never doubted the Syndicate's artistic ability, seeing it so close up...it's almost overwhelming. Thank you for letting me see this."
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