Crack Pairings. An entire fic dedicated the different and more obscure pairings we guarantee you’ll never have seen before!
Each chapter will feature a new couple! Enjoy!
Chapter One: Love Comes In All Forms.
Vexen sat amongst the tubes, flasks, boilers, papers, and pens sprawled out around his lab. He strummed his fingers on the lab counter. His eyes would continually lurk up to the empty space on the ceiling where a clock should reside. Why did the Organization find having clocks a waste? Sometimes Xemnas’ paranoia, and mind numbingly evil plans were more just mind numbing then evil. Oh, Vexen had nothing to completely complain about anyways. He had his own lab away from the troublesome bickering of the others, he had all he could need to perform almost any experiment he wanted. On top of all this, he was just smart enough to do any experiment in general, with the multiple worlds that resided in the reality of Kingdom Hearts, why was he so bored? Surely he could think of SOMETHING to do. Some disease to cure, for Mufasa’s sake he already cloned a human!
He heard laughter going on upstairs, probably another poker night. Oh, like every night wasn’t already a drinking fest as it was. He couldn’t even begin to comprehend why ANYONE would want to gamble with Luxord, he always won. Oh, poor Vexen, he was working with truly stupid Nododies.
With his research nearing a limit of possibilities, he decided he would make a small venture into the kitchen to get something to drink and ease his mind.
After walking up the unreasonably tall staircase, and down the unreasonably long hallway, he finally found himself in the kitchen that never was, peaking into the refrigerator that probably never existed. His bright green eyes glared at the empty racks. There was nothing, well except a few glad-ware containers filled with some mystery substance that had probably been there for eternity. No, seriously, I mean eternity. He found himself rather annoyed at the fact that there was even a shockingly large shortage of Aquafina. The ONLY water he ever allowed himself to drink. Tap water was just so... unsanitary, no one even knew what lake or pond their water came from, especially being in a world that never was. Unless, their water came from... Altantica. Vexen shivered. “What an odd feeling of death that was.” Now, some of you may be asking yourself, how could he say that? He can’t feel, and he’s already dead, but how boring would his non-afterlife be if he couldn’t use such fun little phrases? Not that fun and little are words that should ever be remotely related to Vexen even when just explaining his vocabulary strand. Oh, whatever, let’s end this ramble right.... now.
So, while everyone was playing strip poker with someone who never lost, Vexen was forced to go to the grocery store that didn’t exsist, on the corner of Oblivion Avenue, and Nothingness Lane. What a joy ride that sounded like. Maybe instead of going to the grocery store to get food that the other members would eat up in seconds, he could just... drive away. Go to some world in complete solitude. Find himself, figure out a new experiment, something to occupy his dead days with.
He walked through the long hallway again, and passed the room of noise. And of course to his surprise all the morons of the Organization were wasting their night away, gambling with Luxord’s deck. Numbers, II, VIII, IX, X, and XII were all there, as usual. Like they ever did anything else. Vexen continued to make his way to the Gummi garage. He would have just portaled to another world, but that would drain so much energy from him, a Gummi ship would just be far more convenient. Eventually he found himself standing in a large garage, with XIII nicely parked Gummi ships. Each Organization member owning their own. Of course some looked much larger then others, while others were more colorful. Vexen easily spotted his under parking slot number IV, oh how original was that! His ship was a very light blue, no duh, how could it be any other color! The inside was black though, it was just mandatory to be in the Organization and have the interior be all black and leather. Why the outside of the ship had no regulations was just astonishing, considering that was the part everyone saw. Well, none the less Vexen stepped into his ship, sat in the captain’s chair, and revved the engine. Oh, the quiet humming sound relaxed him. He was ready to explore uncharted worlds, find a nice spot to stake as his own, a place to go for a refuge from the shouts, and fights, and laughter of the Organization. Of course he didn’t leave entirely without saying good bye, he wrote down in the journal log left by the gummi ports that he was leaving for some time. It was required by Xemnas after he bought the notebook that everyone who went out with a ship was to report in the log where they were going and for how long, etc. Vexen decided to be a rebel for once, and not leave any details. Go Vexen. Yes, prove you’re not just a weak, aged, member of the Organization!
Vexen’s eyes started to slowly drift open. “Ah, shoot.” He exclaimed as he wiped the drool off the side of his mouth. “When did I fall asleep? How long did I sleep for, and where the hell am I?” He pressed a few buttons on the dashboard, and found to his surprise he was a lot farther away from home then he thought. None of the surrounding worlds were even familiar. In fact, he started to wonder if he was even in the game anymore. He decided landing in the nearest world would be the safest bet to replenish on resources and perhaps figure out a way to get to a more familiar territory.
The ship came to a crashing halt in a large array of trees. Vexen was thrust out of his seat and he found himself splattered around the dashboard. “Another perfect landing.” He groaned. He fixed himself up, and made sure to grab his notebook, and pen, for writing down any ideas that happen to blossom on the way of the course. He opened the door and was surprised to find that the ground was a lot farther away from where the ramp ended then he thought. Well, no matter, he was part of the organization! Leaping from high up places was what he was born dead to do! He closed his eyes and prepared for the jump. Unfortunately, his heal had caught onto the bottom of his excessively long cloak. And instead of making a graceful leap like another member would have done, he came flailing out of the ship, and landing with a harsh thud against the dew ridden grass. “That’s it, when I get back to that wretched castle, I’m forcing Xemnas to make everyone wear the same style cloaks, shoes too, none of this ‘to each member their own style’ crap.” Vexen always hated how some of the younger members would flaunt their bodies off by wearing exceptionally tight cloaks, like Axel. That boy was already as skinny as a broom, did he have to show it? And Xemnas, oh he didn’t even have to start on that busty Superior. Sometimes Vexen wondered if he was the only member with any common sense, wearing the baggiest of all the cloaks, but it was at this point, as he was sprawled out against the cold ground, that he regretted ever wanting something so downright long. Maybe he could get a cloak more like Saix, yes, his was roomy, and not too long. Perfect plan.
Vexen pushed himself up off the ground and examined himself to make sure he didn’t skid off any skin. As he glanced down he realized he had small disgusting patches of green on the palms of his gloves, and along his cloak. Great, grass stains. He rolled his eyes and looked around at the scenery. It was all entirely forest, lush forest, thick trees, and many animals could be heard scurrying around. It was a truly blissful place... for someone like Marluxia. Vexen hated it already. He was already starting to feel the germs creeping up into his lungs. A bug buzzed passed his ear. Vexen twitched and flailed an arm, batting at the stupid creature. “Go away.” He wined. Unfortunately, the hand he used to get the animal away just happened to be the one holding the pen, in the midst of the slapping at the air, his hand let go of the pen, and it went flying into a nearby river. “Oh, what the hell.” He groaned.
He watched as the black pen sailed through the oxygen and landed perfectly into the H2O with a graceful little splash. Ugh, not his... day? He looked up only to see the bright blue sky, and the sun happily shining down on him. “I miss the darkness already.” He stated already annoyed. He walked up to the river bank, and glanced down, thankfully it was not a wild river, the pen was stuck at the bottom between some pebbles. Of course that is how you can always tell a fancy pen, from a crappy pen. A crappy pen will float. He took off his glove and put it into his pocket. He attempted to role up his sleeve and his hand searched the water. It was very cold, but for him, being an ice warrior, it felt fine. Ice warrior, riiight. As his hand grasped the pen, a critter came up behind him and started chattering. “Now what...” Vexen turned his head.
What was behind him scared him more then anything. It was a hideous creature. Deep, sinking black eyes. And he swore the animal had rabies. In a lame attempt to get away from the foaming creature he ran into the water. ‘Maybe it can’t swim.’ Was his rational thought.
“Miko!” A woman’s voice called from within the trees. Vexen, not wanting to be seen by whatever life form that was on this disgusting world, dove his head down, to hide within the clear waters. Of course, he did not entirely think that one out, for submersing his entire body into the water, would only leave him soaking wet, and the pages on his notebook non-useable. Naturally, none of this concerned Vexen at the moment, no, no, no. All he cared about was getting away from that... thing, that Miko or whatever, and escaping a conversation with a woman. Oy, Larxene was enough woman to turn any man gay. Not that Vexen now preferred men, but he sure did not want to engage in a deep exchange with someone who could possibly be as irritable as Larxene.
He felt the current pushing against his back, that’s it, maybe if he just slightly floated in the river, and pretended to be dead then the woman would freak out and leave him alone. Yes, perfect idea. It depended though on how long he could hold his breath. Well, it was worth a try. He floated on his stomach, and felt himself drifting down. After thirty seconds passed his tried to stand up. He was alarmed to find that he could not reach the bottom, but at least he could sort of swim. Ugh, what he’ll do to avoid human contact, it was ridiculous really. As his head bobbed in the water, he noticed the mystery woman was still a mystery and no where to be seen, all that was there was the little freaky rodent waving at him. Since when could animals wave? What a ******** up world he landed in. Oh, and he could just imagine all the parasites that were swimming in that water. Gross.
He turned himself around and his eyes widened. “Where was the rest of the river? It looks like... it just cuts off up ahead.” He then realized just what it was he was floating towards. “Oh.” He quickly started trying to swim opposite of the current, and also towards the side. He just wasn’t strong enough for that however. Someone like Xaldin could have avoided his new situation quite easily, but not someone like Vexen, and just as suspected he got to experience what it was like to fly for a brief second before making a large belly flop onto the calm waters below. Now, he was finally able to get to land. He scrambled onto the muddy bank, his clothes now sticking to him almost as tight as Axel’s cloak. Vexen’s long blonde hair now stringy and wet, and continually falling in his face. Why did he never think of putting it in a ponytail like Xigbar? Oh, that’s right, he hated the biker look. With an exhausted sigh, he debated which way to go from there. It would be just his luck to find himself at a fork in the river. One way seemed peaceful, calm, and with a lot of animals drinking from the water. He glanced to the other side and saw the rapids rushing heavily against the jagged rocks.
The deadly side it was. Not that he would be swimming again for a while, but at least walking on that bank he wouldn’t have to deal with anymore animals.
After a half an hour in walking in a very heavy, wet cloak, and hearing his shoes squeak underneath him, he found where the river seemed to end. He needed a rest, he continually was slipping in the mud, he had twigs sticking out of his hair, and he felt like complete and utter death. He was already dead though, so that was a plus. Sure, he could have attempted to go back to the ship, but that seemed to be where that woman was near. He’d rather take his chances with drowning by Demyx’s element again. Walking to where a calm spot to rest was, was a very good idea, the only good idea he had had YET! And there looked to be the most perfect resting spot, that gloomy area under that sick looking willow tree.
He pushed away some of the swinging branches and looked around. Everything was so quiet, and peaceful. A squirrel darted away as it saw him. Vexen growled at it. Yes, be an intimidating manly guy like you know you are Vexen! He saw a large and flat area that looked like just the right place to take a nap. Ugh, and recuperate before having to climb up to his ship again. If only he had some type of honing beacon to call Xemnas for help on getting home. Ha, dignity, what was that again? He didn’t feel like he had any left. He would just portal home, but he didn’t even know where home was. Oh, was that to be it then? He was to die, again, alone out here, in a completely unknown world, beneath a large willow tree, only to decapitate and have his Nobody body be eaten by diseased creatures. Well, it was better then having to endure kareoke nights with Xigbar and Luxord. He collapsed onto the flat area with a large sigh escaping his mouth. He welcomed death.
“Hello there, handsome.” An aged, woman’s voice called out to him. His eyes shot open and he searched around frantically. There was no way they were talking about HIM. Handsome was a word used to describe someone like Xemnas, or Saix, maybe even Xaldin if the woman was desperate enough, but not him. He felt as paranoid as Demyx usually was. “Seems like you’ve been through something rough.” The voice echoed to him.
Ugh, he was never going to get rest. He leaned on his elbows and looked around. “Yes, now I’d like to sleep, go away.” He called out as he rolled to his side, pulling up his cloak over his head.
“That’s rude to say.” The voice stated angered, Vexen soon felt a quick
stinging flick on his lower right calf. “Damn it woman, can’t you see I’m tired? Leave me alone, who ever you are.” He rubbed his leg.
“THEN GET OFF OF ME!” The voice shouted in a surround sound kind of way. The entire area rumbled, and the animals began chattering and scattering around. He wasn’t even aware there were so many animals there! s**t, man. Vexen scrambled to his knees, as he was going to look around for this woman. He stared, like a drug addict watching Fantasia. His eyes met the eyes of a large face that rested on the tree. He KNEW that wasn’t there five minutes ago. He quickly flew to his feet. “Marluxia, get out here you b*****d.”
The face only chuckled slightly. “Marluxia? So there are others like you? Does she wear the same odd clothing?” A long branch came down and started rubbing Vexen’s side.
Vexen twitched and moved away. “Don’t touch me, tree. And yes, HE does wear the same thing.” Vexen put his hands on his collar and tugged it an attempt to look suave.
“Hmm, my Granddaughter told me about you earlier. Come closer, let me get a better look at you.” Another branch graced up against Vexen’s chin as it lured him in. His feet shuffled to move forward.
“Your granddaughter? What is she a bush?” Vexen’s eyes searched around frantically to see if there was any other speaking botanic things.
“She’s a human.” The tree informed as it continued to stare into Vexen’s eyes.
“You’re reproductive system is very strange in this world, I’m not sure I dare even dive into knowing about tha-“ He was cut off by a long train of thoughts. “Actually, that would be a very intriguing thing to inspect. Already a hypothesis is twirling in my head. A tree giving birth to human! Why that’s so crazy I love it.” Vexen opened his notebook, but was disappointed to find that it was very difficult to write on wet paper.
“What is your name, son.” The tree continued looking at him.
“Vexen, and I’ll have you know, MISS, I’m probably older then you think.” Vexen wasn’t even paying attention to the fact she was still looking at him for he was too busy trying to get the pen to work.
“And I’m a tree, I’m already two hundred and fifty three years old, do you really believe you can beat that?” She glared.
Vexen stopped writing as he realized... “Actually, no. I couldn’t.” He looked up at her, discovering that she was still staring at him. “Stop looking at me! What do you want?”
“Where’s your soul.” The tree sneered.
“My soul? You wan’t my soul? I don’t have one, I’m dead.” Vexen brushed the discussion away and continued scribbling onto the pad, well attempting to anyways. “Hmm, maybe once I get back to my ship, I can call Lexaeus and Xaldin here, and they can uproot you, and bring you into my lab. Of course I would need Marluxia’s help to assure you are kept up...” Vexen rambled to himself, figuring a way to get the talking, reproducing tree back to the castle for further experiments.
“I’ve talked to many deceased spirits, but none who posessed a breathing body. Nor ones that did not have a soul, you’re much unlike the other dead beings.” More branches neared Vexen and started poking him from many angles.
“Yeah, screwed up galaxy eh? What do you use to survive? Miracle grow?”
Vexen jumped down off of the stump he was sitting on and began poking with his pen, at the tree’s roots. “I’ll call you Experiment T.”
“I’ll have you know Vexen...” She lifted her roots and pushed him onto the ground, “You may call me Grandmother Willow, and I use the spirits of life to grow. I use my granddaughter’s songs, and the colors of the wind, the voices in the mountains.”
“I get it, you use crap. I wonder how you’ll survive in my lab...” He pondered the thought.
“I hope you’re not seriously considering moving me from my spot! I will go no where with you.” She sneered.
“So, now about your granddaughter, she’s human right? I’ll have to perform some experiments on her as well.” Vexen wrote some more thoughts down on the notebook, flipping the page.
“I will not let you go anywhere near Pocahantas! She already has a love, John Smith, or was it that John Shmuck? Hmm, I know it was a John Something. Well, now I can’t even remember! Either way, you stay away from her!” The tree warned.
“Relax, you act as though I have romantic intentions with her, when really I’d rather have a romantic fling with you, I’d take a tree over a human any day.” The two looked at one another, and for a brief second a little spark flew, but Vexen quickly looked away and changed the subject. “By the way, how did she tell you I was here, when I believe she was at the same place as me, and I came directly here in the first place?” Vexen wondered. He figured it had to be the woman with the rabid pet, for there were no other life forms he heard, unless bugs could talk here.
“She has a strong body and soul, and can run fast?” The tree pinched Vexen’s bicep.
“Ow. Stop poking me with your creepy arms or whatever.” Vexen pulled away and rubbed his now sorely pinched area.
“You’re such a strange being.” The tree admitted.
“Hmm, well if you let me take you with me, you can see others...” Vexen taunted.
“You think you can tempt an old tree like me with something like that? I don’t need an adventure young man, I had one when I was but a seed.” She dazed out, remembering something of the past.
“Young man?” Vexen asked, more to himself then Grandmother Willow. He had never been called a young man in all his life, it felt as though he was always old.
“You know...” Vexen said taking a step closer to the base of the tree. “I can give you all sorts of attention...” He started to rub his hand against her bark. Stroking up, and down softly.
Grandmother Willow sighed dreamily. “I haven’t been touched like that in years.”
Vexen’s eyes popped open, she was stroked like that before? He stopped rubbing for a second but continued after a while. “Just think, I can give you this and more all the time.” He attempted to sound seductive, but he more or less sounded like a some deranged serial killer.
She cooed, obviously she liked the creepy voice. She wrapped a few of her branches around his waste and pulled him against her bark. “Take me with you, Vexen.” She had admitted defeat. The seducing of a blonde man was too much for the elder tree.
Months had passed, Vexen and Grandmother Willow were now able to be in each other’s presence day after day. She would hum softly to ease his trouble mind, and he would offer her all the love and affection he could give her in between experiments. Once in a while Marluxia would come in, to take care of the over powering tree as it sat in Vexen’s lab. With the right concoctions, Vexen was able to devise a liquid that would allow the large Willow tree to survive without sunlight, and soil, and water. Let’s shoot into the couple as they go through an ordinary day.
“Que, que, na-to-ra, you will understand. Listen with your heart, you will understand. Let it break upon you like a wave across the san-“
“Shut up already! I don’t have a heart!” Vexen scowled as he stared intently at a leaf dancing around in some boiling water.
Grandmother willow hissed. “Then listen to the heart you don’t have!”
Each chapter will feature a new couple! Enjoy!
Chapter One: Love Comes In All Forms.
Vexen sat amongst the tubes, flasks, boilers, papers, and pens sprawled out around his lab. He strummed his fingers on the lab counter. His eyes would continually lurk up to the empty space on the ceiling where a clock should reside. Why did the Organization find having clocks a waste? Sometimes Xemnas’ paranoia, and mind numbingly evil plans were more just mind numbing then evil. Oh, Vexen had nothing to completely complain about anyways. He had his own lab away from the troublesome bickering of the others, he had all he could need to perform almost any experiment he wanted. On top of all this, he was just smart enough to do any experiment in general, with the multiple worlds that resided in the reality of Kingdom Hearts, why was he so bored? Surely he could think of SOMETHING to do. Some disease to cure, for Mufasa’s sake he already cloned a human!
He heard laughter going on upstairs, probably another poker night. Oh, like every night wasn’t already a drinking fest as it was. He couldn’t even begin to comprehend why ANYONE would want to gamble with Luxord, he always won. Oh, poor Vexen, he was working with truly stupid Nododies.
With his research nearing a limit of possibilities, he decided he would make a small venture into the kitchen to get something to drink and ease his mind.
After walking up the unreasonably tall staircase, and down the unreasonably long hallway, he finally found himself in the kitchen that never was, peaking into the refrigerator that probably never existed. His bright green eyes glared at the empty racks. There was nothing, well except a few glad-ware containers filled with some mystery substance that had probably been there for eternity. No, seriously, I mean eternity. He found himself rather annoyed at the fact that there was even a shockingly large shortage of Aquafina. The ONLY water he ever allowed himself to drink. Tap water was just so... unsanitary, no one even knew what lake or pond their water came from, especially being in a world that never was. Unless, their water came from... Altantica. Vexen shivered. “What an odd feeling of death that was.” Now, some of you may be asking yourself, how could he say that? He can’t feel, and he’s already dead, but how boring would his non-afterlife be if he couldn’t use such fun little phrases? Not that fun and little are words that should ever be remotely related to Vexen even when just explaining his vocabulary strand. Oh, whatever, let’s end this ramble right.... now.
So, while everyone was playing strip poker with someone who never lost, Vexen was forced to go to the grocery store that didn’t exsist, on the corner of Oblivion Avenue, and Nothingness Lane. What a joy ride that sounded like. Maybe instead of going to the grocery store to get food that the other members would eat up in seconds, he could just... drive away. Go to some world in complete solitude. Find himself, figure out a new experiment, something to occupy his dead days with.
He walked through the long hallway again, and passed the room of noise. And of course to his surprise all the morons of the Organization were wasting their night away, gambling with Luxord’s deck. Numbers, II, VIII, IX, X, and XII were all there, as usual. Like they ever did anything else. Vexen continued to make his way to the Gummi garage. He would have just portaled to another world, but that would drain so much energy from him, a Gummi ship would just be far more convenient. Eventually he found himself standing in a large garage, with XIII nicely parked Gummi ships. Each Organization member owning their own. Of course some looked much larger then others, while others were more colorful. Vexen easily spotted his under parking slot number IV, oh how original was that! His ship was a very light blue, no duh, how could it be any other color! The inside was black though, it was just mandatory to be in the Organization and have the interior be all black and leather. Why the outside of the ship had no regulations was just astonishing, considering that was the part everyone saw. Well, none the less Vexen stepped into his ship, sat in the captain’s chair, and revved the engine. Oh, the quiet humming sound relaxed him. He was ready to explore uncharted worlds, find a nice spot to stake as his own, a place to go for a refuge from the shouts, and fights, and laughter of the Organization. Of course he didn’t leave entirely without saying good bye, he wrote down in the journal log left by the gummi ports that he was leaving for some time. It was required by Xemnas after he bought the notebook that everyone who went out with a ship was to report in the log where they were going and for how long, etc. Vexen decided to be a rebel for once, and not leave any details. Go Vexen. Yes, prove you’re not just a weak, aged, member of the Organization!
Vexen’s eyes started to slowly drift open. “Ah, shoot.” He exclaimed as he wiped the drool off the side of his mouth. “When did I fall asleep? How long did I sleep for, and where the hell am I?” He pressed a few buttons on the dashboard, and found to his surprise he was a lot farther away from home then he thought. None of the surrounding worlds were even familiar. In fact, he started to wonder if he was even in the game anymore. He decided landing in the nearest world would be the safest bet to replenish on resources and perhaps figure out a way to get to a more familiar territory.
The ship came to a crashing halt in a large array of trees. Vexen was thrust out of his seat and he found himself splattered around the dashboard. “Another perfect landing.” He groaned. He fixed himself up, and made sure to grab his notebook, and pen, for writing down any ideas that happen to blossom on the way of the course. He opened the door and was surprised to find that the ground was a lot farther away from where the ramp ended then he thought. Well, no matter, he was part of the organization! Leaping from high up places was what he was born dead to do! He closed his eyes and prepared for the jump. Unfortunately, his heal had caught onto the bottom of his excessively long cloak. And instead of making a graceful leap like another member would have done, he came flailing out of the ship, and landing with a harsh thud against the dew ridden grass. “That’s it, when I get back to that wretched castle, I’m forcing Xemnas to make everyone wear the same style cloaks, shoes too, none of this ‘to each member their own style’ crap.” Vexen always hated how some of the younger members would flaunt their bodies off by wearing exceptionally tight cloaks, like Axel. That boy was already as skinny as a broom, did he have to show it? And Xemnas, oh he didn’t even have to start on that busty Superior. Sometimes Vexen wondered if he was the only member with any common sense, wearing the baggiest of all the cloaks, but it was at this point, as he was sprawled out against the cold ground, that he regretted ever wanting something so downright long. Maybe he could get a cloak more like Saix, yes, his was roomy, and not too long. Perfect plan.
Vexen pushed himself up off the ground and examined himself to make sure he didn’t skid off any skin. As he glanced down he realized he had small disgusting patches of green on the palms of his gloves, and along his cloak. Great, grass stains. He rolled his eyes and looked around at the scenery. It was all entirely forest, lush forest, thick trees, and many animals could be heard scurrying around. It was a truly blissful place... for someone like Marluxia. Vexen hated it already. He was already starting to feel the germs creeping up into his lungs. A bug buzzed passed his ear. Vexen twitched and flailed an arm, batting at the stupid creature. “Go away.” He wined. Unfortunately, the hand he used to get the animal away just happened to be the one holding the pen, in the midst of the slapping at the air, his hand let go of the pen, and it went flying into a nearby river. “Oh, what the hell.” He groaned.
He watched as the black pen sailed through the oxygen and landed perfectly into the H2O with a graceful little splash. Ugh, not his... day? He looked up only to see the bright blue sky, and the sun happily shining down on him. “I miss the darkness already.” He stated already annoyed. He walked up to the river bank, and glanced down, thankfully it was not a wild river, the pen was stuck at the bottom between some pebbles. Of course that is how you can always tell a fancy pen, from a crappy pen. A crappy pen will float. He took off his glove and put it into his pocket. He attempted to role up his sleeve and his hand searched the water. It was very cold, but for him, being an ice warrior, it felt fine. Ice warrior, riiight. As his hand grasped the pen, a critter came up behind him and started chattering. “Now what...” Vexen turned his head.
What was behind him scared him more then anything. It was a hideous creature. Deep, sinking black eyes. And he swore the animal had rabies. In a lame attempt to get away from the foaming creature he ran into the water. ‘Maybe it can’t swim.’ Was his rational thought.
“Miko!” A woman’s voice called from within the trees. Vexen, not wanting to be seen by whatever life form that was on this disgusting world, dove his head down, to hide within the clear waters. Of course, he did not entirely think that one out, for submersing his entire body into the water, would only leave him soaking wet, and the pages on his notebook non-useable. Naturally, none of this concerned Vexen at the moment, no, no, no. All he cared about was getting away from that... thing, that Miko or whatever, and escaping a conversation with a woman. Oy, Larxene was enough woman to turn any man gay. Not that Vexen now preferred men, but he sure did not want to engage in a deep exchange with someone who could possibly be as irritable as Larxene.
He felt the current pushing against his back, that’s it, maybe if he just slightly floated in the river, and pretended to be dead then the woman would freak out and leave him alone. Yes, perfect idea. It depended though on how long he could hold his breath. Well, it was worth a try. He floated on his stomach, and felt himself drifting down. After thirty seconds passed his tried to stand up. He was alarmed to find that he could not reach the bottom, but at least he could sort of swim. Ugh, what he’ll do to avoid human contact, it was ridiculous really. As his head bobbed in the water, he noticed the mystery woman was still a mystery and no where to be seen, all that was there was the little freaky rodent waving at him. Since when could animals wave? What a ******** up world he landed in. Oh, and he could just imagine all the parasites that were swimming in that water. Gross.
He turned himself around and his eyes widened. “Where was the rest of the river? It looks like... it just cuts off up ahead.” He then realized just what it was he was floating towards. “Oh.” He quickly started trying to swim opposite of the current, and also towards the side. He just wasn’t strong enough for that however. Someone like Xaldin could have avoided his new situation quite easily, but not someone like Vexen, and just as suspected he got to experience what it was like to fly for a brief second before making a large belly flop onto the calm waters below. Now, he was finally able to get to land. He scrambled onto the muddy bank, his clothes now sticking to him almost as tight as Axel’s cloak. Vexen’s long blonde hair now stringy and wet, and continually falling in his face. Why did he never think of putting it in a ponytail like Xigbar? Oh, that’s right, he hated the biker look. With an exhausted sigh, he debated which way to go from there. It would be just his luck to find himself at a fork in the river. One way seemed peaceful, calm, and with a lot of animals drinking from the water. He glanced to the other side and saw the rapids rushing heavily against the jagged rocks.
The deadly side it was. Not that he would be swimming again for a while, but at least walking on that bank he wouldn’t have to deal with anymore animals.
After a half an hour in walking in a very heavy, wet cloak, and hearing his shoes squeak underneath him, he found where the river seemed to end. He needed a rest, he continually was slipping in the mud, he had twigs sticking out of his hair, and he felt like complete and utter death. He was already dead though, so that was a plus. Sure, he could have attempted to go back to the ship, but that seemed to be where that woman was near. He’d rather take his chances with drowning by Demyx’s element again. Walking to where a calm spot to rest was, was a very good idea, the only good idea he had had YET! And there looked to be the most perfect resting spot, that gloomy area under that sick looking willow tree.
He pushed away some of the swinging branches and looked around. Everything was so quiet, and peaceful. A squirrel darted away as it saw him. Vexen growled at it. Yes, be an intimidating manly guy like you know you are Vexen! He saw a large and flat area that looked like just the right place to take a nap. Ugh, and recuperate before having to climb up to his ship again. If only he had some type of honing beacon to call Xemnas for help on getting home. Ha, dignity, what was that again? He didn’t feel like he had any left. He would just portal home, but he didn’t even know where home was. Oh, was that to be it then? He was to die, again, alone out here, in a completely unknown world, beneath a large willow tree, only to decapitate and have his Nobody body be eaten by diseased creatures. Well, it was better then having to endure kareoke nights with Xigbar and Luxord. He collapsed onto the flat area with a large sigh escaping his mouth. He welcomed death.
“Hello there, handsome.” An aged, woman’s voice called out to him. His eyes shot open and he searched around frantically. There was no way they were talking about HIM. Handsome was a word used to describe someone like Xemnas, or Saix, maybe even Xaldin if the woman was desperate enough, but not him. He felt as paranoid as Demyx usually was. “Seems like you’ve been through something rough.” The voice echoed to him.
Ugh, he was never going to get rest. He leaned on his elbows and looked around. “Yes, now I’d like to sleep, go away.” He called out as he rolled to his side, pulling up his cloak over his head.
“That’s rude to say.” The voice stated angered, Vexen soon felt a quick
stinging flick on his lower right calf. “Damn it woman, can’t you see I’m tired? Leave me alone, who ever you are.” He rubbed his leg.
“THEN GET OFF OF ME!” The voice shouted in a surround sound kind of way. The entire area rumbled, and the animals began chattering and scattering around. He wasn’t even aware there were so many animals there! s**t, man. Vexen scrambled to his knees, as he was going to look around for this woman. He stared, like a drug addict watching Fantasia. His eyes met the eyes of a large face that rested on the tree. He KNEW that wasn’t there five minutes ago. He quickly flew to his feet. “Marluxia, get out here you b*****d.”
The face only chuckled slightly. “Marluxia? So there are others like you? Does she wear the same odd clothing?” A long branch came down and started rubbing Vexen’s side.
Vexen twitched and moved away. “Don’t touch me, tree. And yes, HE does wear the same thing.” Vexen put his hands on his collar and tugged it an attempt to look suave.
“Hmm, my Granddaughter told me about you earlier. Come closer, let me get a better look at you.” Another branch graced up against Vexen’s chin as it lured him in. His feet shuffled to move forward.
“Your granddaughter? What is she a bush?” Vexen’s eyes searched around frantically to see if there was any other speaking botanic things.
“She’s a human.” The tree informed as it continued to stare into Vexen’s eyes.
“You’re reproductive system is very strange in this world, I’m not sure I dare even dive into knowing about tha-“ He was cut off by a long train of thoughts. “Actually, that would be a very intriguing thing to inspect. Already a hypothesis is twirling in my head. A tree giving birth to human! Why that’s so crazy I love it.” Vexen opened his notebook, but was disappointed to find that it was very difficult to write on wet paper.
“What is your name, son.” The tree continued looking at him.
“Vexen, and I’ll have you know, MISS, I’m probably older then you think.” Vexen wasn’t even paying attention to the fact she was still looking at him for he was too busy trying to get the pen to work.
“And I’m a tree, I’m already two hundred and fifty three years old, do you really believe you can beat that?” She glared.
Vexen stopped writing as he realized... “Actually, no. I couldn’t.” He looked up at her, discovering that she was still staring at him. “Stop looking at me! What do you want?”
“Where’s your soul.” The tree sneered.
“My soul? You wan’t my soul? I don’t have one, I’m dead.” Vexen brushed the discussion away and continued scribbling onto the pad, well attempting to anyways. “Hmm, maybe once I get back to my ship, I can call Lexaeus and Xaldin here, and they can uproot you, and bring you into my lab. Of course I would need Marluxia’s help to assure you are kept up...” Vexen rambled to himself, figuring a way to get the talking, reproducing tree back to the castle for further experiments.
“I’ve talked to many deceased spirits, but none who posessed a breathing body. Nor ones that did not have a soul, you’re much unlike the other dead beings.” More branches neared Vexen and started poking him from many angles.
“Yeah, screwed up galaxy eh? What do you use to survive? Miracle grow?”
Vexen jumped down off of the stump he was sitting on and began poking with his pen, at the tree’s roots. “I’ll call you Experiment T.”
“I’ll have you know Vexen...” She lifted her roots and pushed him onto the ground, “You may call me Grandmother Willow, and I use the spirits of life to grow. I use my granddaughter’s songs, and the colors of the wind, the voices in the mountains.”
“I get it, you use crap. I wonder how you’ll survive in my lab...” He pondered the thought.
“I hope you’re not seriously considering moving me from my spot! I will go no where with you.” She sneered.
“So, now about your granddaughter, she’s human right? I’ll have to perform some experiments on her as well.” Vexen wrote some more thoughts down on the notebook, flipping the page.
“I will not let you go anywhere near Pocahantas! She already has a love, John Smith, or was it that John Shmuck? Hmm, I know it was a John Something. Well, now I can’t even remember! Either way, you stay away from her!” The tree warned.
“Relax, you act as though I have romantic intentions with her, when really I’d rather have a romantic fling with you, I’d take a tree over a human any day.” The two looked at one another, and for a brief second a little spark flew, but Vexen quickly looked away and changed the subject. “By the way, how did she tell you I was here, when I believe she was at the same place as me, and I came directly here in the first place?” Vexen wondered. He figured it had to be the woman with the rabid pet, for there were no other life forms he heard, unless bugs could talk here.
“She has a strong body and soul, and can run fast?” The tree pinched Vexen’s bicep.
“Ow. Stop poking me with your creepy arms or whatever.” Vexen pulled away and rubbed his now sorely pinched area.
“You’re such a strange being.” The tree admitted.
“Hmm, well if you let me take you with me, you can see others...” Vexen taunted.
“You think you can tempt an old tree like me with something like that? I don’t need an adventure young man, I had one when I was but a seed.” She dazed out, remembering something of the past.
“Young man?” Vexen asked, more to himself then Grandmother Willow. He had never been called a young man in all his life, it felt as though he was always old.
“You know...” Vexen said taking a step closer to the base of the tree. “I can give you all sorts of attention...” He started to rub his hand against her bark. Stroking up, and down softly.
Grandmother Willow sighed dreamily. “I haven’t been touched like that in years.”
Vexen’s eyes popped open, she was stroked like that before? He stopped rubbing for a second but continued after a while. “Just think, I can give you this and more all the time.” He attempted to sound seductive, but he more or less sounded like a some deranged serial killer.
She cooed, obviously she liked the creepy voice. She wrapped a few of her branches around his waste and pulled him against her bark. “Take me with you, Vexen.” She had admitted defeat. The seducing of a blonde man was too much for the elder tree.
Months had passed, Vexen and Grandmother Willow were now able to be in each other’s presence day after day. She would hum softly to ease his trouble mind, and he would offer her all the love and affection he could give her in between experiments. Once in a while Marluxia would come in, to take care of the over powering tree as it sat in Vexen’s lab. With the right concoctions, Vexen was able to devise a liquid that would allow the large Willow tree to survive without sunlight, and soil, and water. Let’s shoot into the couple as they go through an ordinary day.
“Que, que, na-to-ra, you will understand. Listen with your heart, you will understand. Let it break upon you like a wave across the san-“
“Shut up already! I don’t have a heart!” Vexen scowled as he stared intently at a leaf dancing around in some boiling water.
Grandmother willow hissed. “Then listen to the heart you don’t have!”
