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 Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 10:05 pm
And that is to read my story and actually motivate me from time to time in order so I can ACTUALLY FINISH my story! biggrin ((And I know that nobod ever goes to the writing subthread so. sorry. :[ ))
www.quizilla.com/users/kimcode15/stuff
the story I want you to read is anything that says "THE MISCONSEPTIONS OF KYLIE'S FANTASY." biggrin
And please rate too if you can? *which is really just a click of a button*
Comments can go right here. :0
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Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 10:19 pm
Tomorrow morning when my brain is functioning better I will read. 3nodding
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Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 1:01 pm
kk. and that means today right? >=D lol
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Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 1:16 pm
First, spell misconceptions correctly. I'm a killer editor, sorry. sweatdrop
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Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 1:25 pm
Kylie. Age 25. A slender blonde. Wearing all black as she took off her night visioned goggles, or NVGs. Another assassination had been completed. (From now on, just call them NVGs)
For a second, she looked around herself and stared at the fresh new corpses that now laid lay on the ground. And then Kylie closed her eyes to play backreplay all the flashbacks of her past which eventually built its way up to where she was today.
"How did I end up living this life?" Kylie thought to herself. (change to comma-- no new paragraph)
But then she opened her eyes once again. She had to leave before anybody spotted her. Then Kylie would be out of a damn job.
She made sure nobody had caught on to her tracks, and when Kylie had successfully fled out of the hotel, and onto the dirty streets of New York, Kylie dialed a call.
"...Hello?..." The voice answered.
Kylie sarcastically answered replied back, "Why YOU seem energetic... So. Hey. give me a ride, why don't ya." Kylie was now dressed like any other New Yorker in the city- Aa business lady. Her guns and her clothes for 'work' waswere in her suitcase.
there's a start, kind of hard to see where I lined out commas. Much easier to edit on a hard copy. Do you want more?
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Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 1:32 pm
bandaidd Kylie. Age 25. A slender blonde. Wearing all black as she took off her night vision ed goggles, or NVGs. Another assassination had been complete d. (From now on, just call them NVGs)For a second , she looked around herself and stared at the fresh new corpses that now laid lay on the ground. And then Kylie closed her eyes to play backreplay all the flashbacks of her past which eventually built its way up to where she was today. "How did I end up living this life? " Kylie thought to herself. (change to comma-- no new paragraph)But then she opened her eyes once again. She had to leave before anybody spotted her. Then Kylie would be out of a damn job. She made sure nobody had caught on to her tracks, and when Kylie had successfully fled out of the hotel , and onto the dirty streets of New York, Kylie dialed a call. "...Hello?..." The voice answered. Kylie sarcastically answered replied back, "Why YOU seem energetic... So. Hey. give me a ride, why don't ya." Kylie was now dressed like any other New Yorker in the city- Aa business lady. Her guns and her clothes for 'work' waswere in her suitcase. there's a start, kind of hard to see where I lined out commas. Much easier to edit on a hard copy. Do you want more?story wise though? crying wink
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Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 1:40 pm
I've spelled it correctly now. biggrin
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Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 6:56 pm
Gah, I'm such a tard! *goes to read right now*
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Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 7:06 pm
Ok, so misspellings and such aside, I like it, but it needs more detail. I wanna know what the area around them looks like, what kind of car is being driven, what gets seen on the ride, a little more detail about the characters themselves. You know, flesh it out some. 3nodding
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Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 9:55 am
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Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 12:33 pm
I'm more of an editor than a critic. Let me know when it's fleshed out, then I'll edit for you.
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Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 4:22 pm
Lady Sickness Ok, so misspellings and such aside, I like it, but it needs more detail. I wanna know what the area around them looks like, what kind of car is being driven, what gets seen on the ride, a little more detail about the characters themselves. You know, flesh it out some. 3nodding Eh, I was goin to go on to describe them a bit more later on in the later parts. But now I have this project to do. Which is very bad timing, cause I want this story out of my head. x0 lol
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Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2007 7:52 pm
005kimstyle Lady Sickness Ok, so misspellings and such aside, I like it, but it needs more detail. I wanna know what the area around them looks like, what kind of car is being driven, what gets seen on the ride, a little more detail about the characters themselves. You know, flesh it out some. 3nodding Eh, I was goin to go on to describe them a bit more later on in the later parts. But now I have this project to do. Which is very bad timing, cause I want this story out of my head. x0 lol Just give them a little more detail gradually throughout the story. 3nodding
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