...//The Beat of a Heart....
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Dark Fire Angel
((For Kissy, I 'bullied' him into rp ;O))
Long time had passed since he'd first arrived here; ages, probably, or at least it so seemed to him. Had it really been that long? Slowly, he raised a paw, flexing it so that long black claws became unsheathed, longer than he'd remembered them to be, his paws distinctly larger too. In fact, his body had grown up, that much was obvious.
Had it really been that long ago? Why was he still here?
Placing his paw back over the large rock he lay reclined over, the male watched the thick jungle about him; the plants were dry, and though there was still green about them, the dryness was affecting the leaves heavily, the lack of water the region suffered from apparent even to those not truly looking at it. If this kept on going, Ushafu was sure the place would die. Like any other, really, after all, why would this place be any different from others? Why should it live? What did he care? It was only a game, after all... this place, it's inhabitants, all of it a game.
Except he was confused.
He'd been confused for a very long time now. It'd almost become something familiar for him to feel, which was odd in it's own ways, for whom would think the god of deception to be confused? It simply wasn't the way things were meant to be, and yet, it was how it was turning out. Wasn't that ironic? Ushuafu was soon enough learning that he did not like irony, at least when it turned on him; it was plenty fun to watch when it turned on others though.
Snorting softly to himself, the god stood from his perch, moving languidly off the rock, claws digging into the dry ground till he reached the border of the jungle; they'd never strayed far from it. Something about security. Whatever. Personally, were he in danger, all he'd have had to do was reveal his wings, flap them and head sky high, alas... a face, or rather, three faces flashed through his mind's eyes, causing him to frown.
A slow, silent snarl began to marr his features as red hued eyes narrowed; What the bloody HELL did he CARE anyhow? He didn't, did he? He couldn't, could he? Almost as if feeling the need, the youth allowed his wings to finally be seen, large black appendages finally protruding from his shoulder blades, the feel of the feathers somewhat re-comforting against his unhealthy looking pelt; he wasn't a part of their world. He was something beyond it... his wings were a dark reminder of such notions, at least.
Maybe... just maybe... he should go.
"Let me live, let me be," the world were snarled at an innocent tree before the god dived back into the vegetation; he didn't want to go. He wanted to stay... that sense of finally belonging was haunting him in more ways than one, but it was enough to make him stay, even despite the huge turmoil and confusion he felt. It wasn't fair. But then again, since when had he ever stopped to think about what was fair and what wasn't? Wasn't this jungle slowly withering away due to lack of water? Wasn't it slowly becoming doomed? Hadn't it been the home of many for long times? Who was he to decide what was fair and what wasn't?
A god, his mind supplied eagerly, and that's when the youth finally stopped, tilting his head back to howl in pain; GOD DAMNIT! What did it all even mean?! Wasn't he supposed to be supreme ruler in this sector? And yet here we was, outrules by three mortals in his own riddle of a game; he really should go...
Kisoni
The hunt was growing harder by the day. She'd made this observation more times than she cared to think, and yet here it was again. Kizuka growled slightly at a nearby plant as she paced a long, low line deep in the jungle away from the eyes of her daughter and friend. They weren't to see her worry about this.
Could they really stay here? She knew she wanted to; these lands were their home by blood, god damnit, and she didn't want to leave! Not again... A sigh heaved her chest and Kizuka let herself fall to the ground in a graceful heap. A beetle crawled right by her nose as she layed there, pushing a little pile of dung and the lioness barely blinked. It was lazy of her to stay there, perhaps, but she had spent the past moons searching. It was only one tiny valley! It shouldn't be so hard to find them... or perhaps they really weren't here. Maybe the Mistweavers HADN'T rejoined after all.
The brown lioness's ears laid flat against her head. Or perhaps they had, and realized this land was lost. Either way, it didn't bode well for them; she had a kit to think about now, after all. No, she had two. Once more confussion crossed her brow as she let her mind drift to another topic, just as green. The older of the two 'kits' with them, possibly even older than her, had been a strange topic as of late. He was growing, and fast now, as all kits would at a certain age.. and along with that growth were coming mood swings.
Not to mention...
She still hadn't informed Triv'an of Ushaufu's true nature. Sure, she had promised to keep his Godhood a secret, but it bothered her not to tell Triv.. just as her growing love of the kit did. Generally it wouldn't have bothered her to accept another into their fold, but this was somehow different. A part of her acknowledged that Ush wasn't the family type, and yet.. there it was. How she wished that Varg came around more often, the bird was a definite help with dealing with the cubbin. He knew Ush better than anyone else, after all.
It was around then when irony decided he would strike them once more. A howl nearby got the lionesses attention, causing her to jump to her feet. Her ears perked forward and she paused a moment before some instinct in her told her whom it was. The dry ground sped beneath her feet then, over withered leaf and root, dry earth and rock until she saw a dead green quite set apart from the other hues around him.
When she did see him, however, it was apparant that he wasn't hurt at all. Confused, the lioness slowed her steps, finally approaching him at a sedate pace. Kizuka turned a slow circle around him, checking him on all sides before she put a paw to the back of his head, drawing him close to sniff his mane and lick him in greeting, "Ushaufu! What's wrong; I could hear you across the jungle!"
Dark Fire Angel
Overwhelmed, the youth turned upon a nearby tree, hitting his head with strength against it, only to repeat the action; he managed to do it four times before the splitting pain forced him to take a step back, a snarl covering his maw as silent tear fell, no doubt from the pain.
Physical pain was easier to deal with, however, and for a few moments, it worked; the splitting pain he felt near his forehead was enough to erase those other further more confusing thoughts out of his mind, at least.... for a tiny bit of time. Though tears did slide down his cheeks, no sobs followed, or sniffles; silence had settled around him, a thin trail of blood now trailing over his right, scarred eye, his vision there blurred by the red and thus forcing him to shut it.
He didn't like this. He didn't like this at all; why was he still here? Why didn't he leave?
Another snarl was issued as he raised his right paw, whipping away all trade of the blood, the pain now a faint echo at the back of his mind, his growing mane covering the small injury he'd caused himself. It was then that she appeared, almost as if magically choosing the moment, or perhaps almost as if summoned by him. His eyes narrowed at the thought, however, he didn't move as she circled hims, head lowered, brows knitted and mouth set into what looked like a deep sulk, "I'm..." his answer was cut as the larger lioness pulled him to her, her tongue grooming the top of his head.
There it was again; it was once more starting to become hard to think clearly, the need to cling to her and just cry far more urgent, and yet he didn't; instead, he swallowed his needs and glared up at her, "I'm fine... I just... fell, that's all," looking off to the side, he flattened his ears against the top of his head, "Stupid plant tripped me... hit myself against a tree," he was a master of the arts, and yet... the excuse was lame, half hearted, as if Ushaufu hadn't really even gone through his usual need of pondering every single word he uttered.
Brows knitted even further then as her heat mingled with his, ears flattening deeper till they were basically lost against the mass of darker green hair that had slowly been growing, "I don't care anyhow..." the words were whispered, though she might have heard, specially with the fact he was pressed almost subconciously against her, "I don't..."
Except he did.
It was that single notion which suddenly made him shudder, trembling from head to toes, almost as if he'd just seen a ghost, or further more, something worse; ears had perked up at the same time, eyes opening wide as his claws dug into the ground.
He DID care, didn't he? That was precisely the problem; he cared, "I shouldn't care..." the words came out soft, a whisper, the fact he was by now terrified apparent.
Physical pain was easier to deal with, however, and for a few moments, it worked; the splitting pain he felt near his forehead was enough to erase those other further more confusing thoughts out of his mind, at least.... for a tiny bit of time. Though tears did slide down his cheeks, no sobs followed, or sniffles; silence had settled around him, a thin trail of blood now trailing over his right, scarred eye, his vision there blurred by the red and thus forcing him to shut it.
He didn't like this. He didn't like this at all; why was he still here? Why didn't he leave?
Another snarl was issued as he raised his right paw, whipping away all trade of the blood, the pain now a faint echo at the back of his mind, his growing mane covering the small injury he'd caused himself. It was then that she appeared, almost as if magically choosing the moment, or perhaps almost as if summoned by him. His eyes narrowed at the thought, however, he didn't move as she circled hims, head lowered, brows knitted and mouth set into what looked like a deep sulk, "I'm..." his answer was cut as the larger lioness pulled him to her, her tongue grooming the top of his head.
There it was again; it was once more starting to become hard to think clearly, the need to cling to her and just cry far more urgent, and yet he didn't; instead, he swallowed his needs and glared up at her, "I'm fine... I just... fell, that's all," looking off to the side, he flattened his ears against the top of his head, "Stupid plant tripped me... hit myself against a tree," he was a master of the arts, and yet... the excuse was lame, half hearted, as if Ushaufu hadn't really even gone through his usual need of pondering every single word he uttered.
Brows knitted even further then as her heat mingled with his, ears flattening deeper till they were basically lost against the mass of darker green hair that had slowly been growing, "I don't care anyhow..." the words were whispered, though she might have heard, specially with the fact he was pressed almost subconciously against her, "I don't..."
Except he did.
It was that single notion which suddenly made him shudder, trembling from head to toes, almost as if he'd just seen a ghost, or further more, something worse; ears had perked up at the same time, eyes opening wide as his claws dug into the ground.
He DID care, didn't he? That was precisely the problem; he cared, "I shouldn't care..." the words came out soft, a whisper, the fact he was by now terrified apparent.
Kisoni
"A plant?" She asked softly, not quite believing it when he said it. Ushaufu tripped by a plant? Well, stranger things had happened, but something still was bugging her about this. He seemed scared and skitish, even of her. He'd always seemed comfortable with it before.. well, to a point. The last time she'd seen Varg came back to tickle Kizuka's memory and she frowned.
The whispered words against her chest she couldn't quite make out,but it wasn't too long before he suddenly stilled beneath her and she heard at last. Her heart ached at how scared he looked; he truly had no family before them, then.. the poor thing. He'd gone so long abused and neglected, so long alone, that he had no idea how to react. Kizuka let her paw pet down his back gently as she gave him a moment to think.
In truth, it was a moment for him as much a moment for her. What could she say to that to help him with this? Was there anything she could do, really? Slowly, gently, she pushed his tuft of mane aside to lick at the slight wound there, cleaning it off as well as trying to comfort him. So odd, wasn't it? The thought of a mortal comforting a God in such a manner... and yet, here it was. She'd grown used to it these past months.
"Call me teacher, call me friend.." She said softly, finally. "I don't know if you here me there, where its darkest and no one cares... but I'll hear you. You don't have to care if you don't want to, Ush, but I will." She licked his cheek and hugged him softly, hooking her head over his shoulder to hold him close. "Maybe this started off as a game... but I can honestly say you've found a home, if you should ever want it, Ush. Its entirely up to you."
Kizuka pursed her lips where he couldn't see, awaiting his reaction. She could be making a huge mistake offering him this, and yet it needed to be done; especially now that he'd realized so much on his own. Her heart ached with the fear that he would be frightened even further.. but what was she supposed to tell him? That they hated him, that it was just a game, when it no longer was? No, She couldn't bring herself to lie to the cub like that. Her mouth wouldn't have even opened to utter such obsenities. It would been like raising a paw to Kimaji.
The whispered words against her chest she couldn't quite make out,but it wasn't too long before he suddenly stilled beneath her and she heard at last. Her heart ached at how scared he looked; he truly had no family before them, then.. the poor thing. He'd gone so long abused and neglected, so long alone, that he had no idea how to react. Kizuka let her paw pet down his back gently as she gave him a moment to think.
In truth, it was a moment for him as much a moment for her. What could she say to that to help him with this? Was there anything she could do, really? Slowly, gently, she pushed his tuft of mane aside to lick at the slight wound there, cleaning it off as well as trying to comfort him. So odd, wasn't it? The thought of a mortal comforting a God in such a manner... and yet, here it was. She'd grown used to it these past months.
"Call me teacher, call me friend.." She said softly, finally. "I don't know if you here me there, where its darkest and no one cares... but I'll hear you. You don't have to care if you don't want to, Ush, but I will." She licked his cheek and hugged him softly, hooking her head over his shoulder to hold him close. "Maybe this started off as a game... but I can honestly say you've found a home, if you should ever want it, Ush. Its entirely up to you."
Kizuka pursed her lips where he couldn't see, awaiting his reaction. She could be making a huge mistake offering him this, and yet it needed to be done; especially now that he'd realized so much on his own. Her heart ached with the fear that he would be frightened even further.. but what was she supposed to tell him? That they hated him, that it was just a game, when it no longer was? No, She couldn't bring herself to lie to the cub like that. Her mouth wouldn't have even opened to utter such obsenities. It would been like raising a paw to Kimaji.
Dark Fire Angel
No no no NO NO!
His mind was in turmoil, his thoughts piling up, one over the other to the point he could no longer think, and instead, a white almost blinding panic settled around him. Cold sweat making him wince away from her touch as she tried to comfort him. This shouldn't be the way things were meant to work! Things were meant to not be this confusing! This scary. Of course, however... had he paused to truly think about it, he'd have noticed it was merely scary because it was something new.
He'd never seen... anything new, or felt anything new before. He was used to the familiarity he'd spent his time within; solitude, his mind and no one else intruding it. However now his mind had slowly been invaded by these lions, specially her.
It was a game. It had started off as a game, and it'd end as a game, with him as the winner! That was how it was supposed to be at least, and yet even within such a panicked state, Ushaufu knew he was not able to fool himself; she was right... it was no longer a game. The thought was oddly calming, and at the same time... eerily cold. It was enough to get the god to stop his squirming at least, now sitting with a bowed head, teeth gritted strongly so no sound would dare leave his mouth.
He had to go.
He really had to leave....
He couldn't stay here...
Not any more at least. Even despite Kizuka's words, he was well aware of the fact he had to leave; he couldn't stay there. He wasn't a part of this world, no matter that his senses told him he belonged; his sense were wrong. He didn't belong anywhere. Ushaufu was meant to be alone, just like this family was meant to stay together... just like this valley was drying up and just like birds needed their wings to fly, "I have to go..." the words were no longer whispered, but his voice lacked emotion, cold, marred by a slight intake of breath, "I can't stay..." this said, he escaped her grasp, turning towards the vegetation, stopping only scarcely away, his head turning to look over his shoulder, yet his gaze was downcast, "I'm sorry," and with that, the youth took to running as fast as he could towards the border of the jungle, with no though or need other than the overpowering notion that he HAD to leave.
He did care.
And yes, he was sorry, but not about caring, strangely enough; rather, about leaving. Was this really the best way? Deception was meant to remain alone, wasn't it? As he ran, one of his paws became stuck between some vines, the roots curled around it, and thus sending the yelping youth into a heap on the floor; how ironic; he'd tripped over a plant...
Ushaufu lay there however, heart pounding as he pulled and tugged at his caught paw; running away wasn't the solution, but then again, despite being a god, he was young... and the young were known for being foolish in their actions. Defeated, the god lay his head on the ground, placing his free paw over his face.
His mind was in turmoil, his thoughts piling up, one over the other to the point he could no longer think, and instead, a white almost blinding panic settled around him. Cold sweat making him wince away from her touch as she tried to comfort him. This shouldn't be the way things were meant to work! Things were meant to not be this confusing! This scary. Of course, however... had he paused to truly think about it, he'd have noticed it was merely scary because it was something new.
He'd never seen... anything new, or felt anything new before. He was used to the familiarity he'd spent his time within; solitude, his mind and no one else intruding it. However now his mind had slowly been invaded by these lions, specially her.
It was a game. It had started off as a game, and it'd end as a game, with him as the winner! That was how it was supposed to be at least, and yet even within such a panicked state, Ushaufu knew he was not able to fool himself; she was right... it was no longer a game. The thought was oddly calming, and at the same time... eerily cold. It was enough to get the god to stop his squirming at least, now sitting with a bowed head, teeth gritted strongly so no sound would dare leave his mouth.
He had to go.
He really had to leave....
He couldn't stay here...
Not any more at least. Even despite Kizuka's words, he was well aware of the fact he had to leave; he couldn't stay there. He wasn't a part of this world, no matter that his senses told him he belonged; his sense were wrong. He didn't belong anywhere. Ushaufu was meant to be alone, just like this family was meant to stay together... just like this valley was drying up and just like birds needed their wings to fly, "I have to go..." the words were no longer whispered, but his voice lacked emotion, cold, marred by a slight intake of breath, "I can't stay..." this said, he escaped her grasp, turning towards the vegetation, stopping only scarcely away, his head turning to look over his shoulder, yet his gaze was downcast, "I'm sorry," and with that, the youth took to running as fast as he could towards the border of the jungle, with no though or need other than the overpowering notion that he HAD to leave.
He did care.
And yes, he was sorry, but not about caring, strangely enough; rather, about leaving. Was this really the best way? Deception was meant to remain alone, wasn't it? As he ran, one of his paws became stuck between some vines, the roots curled around it, and thus sending the yelping youth into a heap on the floor; how ironic; he'd tripped over a plant...
Ushaufu lay there however, heart pounding as he pulled and tugged at his caught paw; running away wasn't the solution, but then again, despite being a god, he was young... and the young were known for being foolish in their actions. Defeated, the god lay his head on the ground, placing his free paw over his face.
Kisoni
Kizuka looked up when he pulled away from her, her ears tipping forward to study his face. She had definatly upset him with that. A coldness drifted up her body slowly, shock pulling at her, and stopping her feet for a moment. As stereotypical as it might have been, it really did seem like slow motion as he ran away from her, into the darkness of the jungle. "Ush!" She called after him uselessly.
Still, the lioness found her feet frozen to the hard earth. Had she not told him it was his choice to stay, or go? And yet, her heart ached to follow him. To calm him. Desperatly her eyes turned skyward to search for Varg. The boy needed someone that he would listen to; maybe the hawk could do something!
Another pang of fear dashed across her body when she heard him cry out a second time. Her feet unfroze and she found herself going after him again. If anything had hurt him.... But no. There he was, laying on the ground with his paw stuck on a root. Kizuka stopped out of sight behind a bush, watching him through the roots. Should she help or... allow him to help himself?
A part of her told her to let him go, and yet Varg's story came back to her mind. 'I stayed there, you know, I kept watched for a whole day; never once did he move... and no one answered his calls... True, this situation was quite different.. and this time, he was not calling for anyone. For a long time she watched him, feeling horrible for it the entire length of her wait. He didn't seem to be able to get free and night was falling. Finally she was unable to help it.
Kizuka slid out of the shadows behind him, stopping to sit behind him and raised a paw to the vines that held him captive. Silently, she released his foot, letting her eyes slide up to watch his face now, waiting for him to run again. Just waiting.
Dark Fire Angel
He didn't run this time though, not even when he caught her scent, drifting through the air, indicating she was right there. He'd known she was there, even before she finally showed herself, however, he didn't move from his place. In fact, he didn't even move from his position, paw still placed over his face to hide it.
It wasn't that Ushaufu was scared to show weakness; far from it. The youth was far too intelligent to know that weakness was not was truly moved the world; it didn't matter if one was weak... not truly. One was allowed to cry; one was allowed to have emotions, even, however... it was still scary. The unknown always was, he'd decided as he lay there, however, running away was foolish and cowardly.
Ushaufu was no coward.
He'd never been a coward, he reminded himself; the scar he wore over his right eye was distinct proof of his thoughts, and as he finally raised his gaze to meet hers, there was a cold determination shinning within his red orbs as his brows knitted, "I'm not a coward..." the words were urgent as they slipped from his mouth, spoken softly, yet strong enough for her to hear, "I'm not a coward... and I don't hate you," his paw was finally free, and the youth twisted it this way and that before sitting up, shoulders hunched over, the mane that had been steadily growing over the past few weeks darkening his features till they were unreadable.
Tell truth, the small god was unsure of so many things; everything lately was... deeply confusing, however, he knew one thing was clear; he was not a coward, and thus, would not react like one. He'd not run away. He'd walk away calmly one day after he'd decide the game was over. Ushaufu was too stubborn to let go of it, or perhaps in a sense, too greedy; he'd never had any of this... he'd always been alone. All he could remember from his long past was walking under the blazing sun, not knowing where or why he was till he stumbled across Varg.
The youth knew whom he was now though, and as far as he was concerned... this place was home for the time being. He never voiced the thoughts out loud, however, he slowly stood and moved towards Kizuka, head still bowed so that his eyes were out of sight... and just as slowly, he leaned his forehead against her silently. His head remain against her larger side, his wings vanishing from sight once more as he allowed himself to rub his forehead ever so slightly against her.
It was a small opening, but... an opening non the less.
It wasn't that Ushaufu was scared to show weakness; far from it. The youth was far too intelligent to know that weakness was not was truly moved the world; it didn't matter if one was weak... not truly. One was allowed to cry; one was allowed to have emotions, even, however... it was still scary. The unknown always was, he'd decided as he lay there, however, running away was foolish and cowardly.
Ushaufu was no coward.
He'd never been a coward, he reminded himself; the scar he wore over his right eye was distinct proof of his thoughts, and as he finally raised his gaze to meet hers, there was a cold determination shinning within his red orbs as his brows knitted, "I'm not a coward..." the words were urgent as they slipped from his mouth, spoken softly, yet strong enough for her to hear, "I'm not a coward... and I don't hate you," his paw was finally free, and the youth twisted it this way and that before sitting up, shoulders hunched over, the mane that had been steadily growing over the past few weeks darkening his features till they were unreadable.
Tell truth, the small god was unsure of so many things; everything lately was... deeply confusing, however, he knew one thing was clear; he was not a coward, and thus, would not react like one. He'd not run away. He'd walk away calmly one day after he'd decide the game was over. Ushaufu was too stubborn to let go of it, or perhaps in a sense, too greedy; he'd never had any of this... he'd always been alone. All he could remember from his long past was walking under the blazing sun, not knowing where or why he was till he stumbled across Varg.
The youth knew whom he was now though, and as far as he was concerned... this place was home for the time being. He never voiced the thoughts out loud, however, he slowly stood and moved towards Kizuka, head still bowed so that his eyes were out of sight... and just as slowly, he leaned his forehead against her silently. His head remain against her larger side, his wings vanishing from sight once more as he allowed himself to rub his forehead ever so slightly against her.
It was a small opening, but... an opening non the less.
Kisoni
"No," She agreed with his words as he offered them. "No, you're not a coward." Kizuka smiled ever so softly, glad now she'd followed him. As she watched, he came close to her, and let his head rest on her side. He allowed him to do such for a few moments before moving a paw to run through his mane, and pull him close for a quick hug.
With a single lick to his ear, she let the child go as she knew the touch upset him and stood. "Its getting dark. We should get back to the cave.." The lioness took a few steps away then, headed back towards the cave where she had left her daughter and Triv'an. She paused after those few steps, and looked back at him. "And no, I don't hate you either." in fact, her eyes radiated a softness that was far from hate, though she didn't give name to it just yet. He'd made a few strong leaps in one day, it would be mean of her to shove him off the cliff.
--The end
--Dated: June 23, 2006
