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Crossing Worlds...(Combination story...mainly mangas/animes)

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yunarikkupainegirl

PostPosted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 2:31 pm


Prologue

“No…not this, please. Anything but this.” The first figure said
“Come on. We have to go!” Another figure said
The first figure dropped to their knees looking out over the city.
“Why? Please tell me this isn’t happening.” Said a third
“We don’t have time for this. We have to go now!” The second said hurriedly
Two other figures knelt next to the first.
“Oh, God, why? No. This can’t happen. D*** it!” The first said desperately.
“What do we do now?” asked the second.
A taller fourth figure appeared behind them. The fist figure turned around.
“No…oh God, no.”
“It’s time to say good-bye.” Said the fourth figure.


Chapter 1


Aya woke up and stretched.
“What a weird dream.” She thought.
She got ready and left for school. Her twin brother, Aki, wasn’t far behind.
“Don’t forget we have to go straight home today.” He reminded her.
“I know, I know.”
It was their 16th birthday and their Dad told them that they were going to their Grandpa’s house. Aya had been looking forward to doing karaoke with her friends, but they would have to cancel the plans to go visit their Grandpa.
When they walked into school, they were immediately greeted by their new friend Mizuki. Mizuki had begun attending their school almost a month ago. The twins quickly became her friends.
“Happy birthday you guys.” She said with a smile.
“Thanks, Mizuki.” Aya said.
“Ready for tonight’s karaoke session?”
They were quiet a moment.
“Sorry, Mizuki. Our parents are making us go to our Grandpa’s after school.” Aki said. “We’re really sorry.”
“It’s okay. Maybe we can go tomorrow.” She replied.
“Sounds fun!”
They went to class. Mizuki started out in Aya’s class.
“Hey, isn’t tomorrow Saturday?” Aya said while waiting for the teacher to come in.
“Yeah.” Mizuki replied.
“Didn’t you say you had to do something?”
Aya’s friend scratched her head thinking hard. Her green eyes looked purely confused.
“Remember? You were telling Aki and me that you were going on a trip somewhere tomorrow?”
“Oh….Oh! Oh yeah now I remember! I’m going out of town to meet a friend of mine.”
Aya sweat dropped. Mizuki never was the sharpest tool in the shed.
“I hope you have fun with your friend.”
“I will”
*************************************************************
Yuhi sat bored while the teacher continued his lecture. When he was called out of the room, the girl in front of him turned and faced him.
“You sure look like you’re having fun, Aogiri.” She said.
“Oh I just love a good lecture.” He said sarcastically.
The girl laughed.
“So Arrow did the homework?”
Arrow sighed.
“Forget again? I did most of it.”
“Didn’t you say something was going on tomorrow?” Yuhi asked his friend.
“A few of my old friends are coming to visit.”
“Maybe I could meet them.”
“Maybe. I don’t know, though. They might not want to meet a weirdo.”
“Hey!”
The teacher came back in before he could say anymore.
“Who’s she calling a weirdo?” Yuhi thought. “She’s weirder than me. Maybe I can meet her friends. Oh well. I can’t believe she just stared a month ago. I’ll see if I can meet her friends. You never know they might be normal. That’s what I’ll tell her later. Calling me weird. Whatever.”
**************************************************************
Miaka walked around the town with Tamahome getting used to the new sites. Suddenly she spotted someone who looked as out of place as she did.
“Who is…wait a second. Isn’t that…?” She thought. Then said “Abby!”
A shoulder length blonde hair girl turned her head to the sound of her name. Miaka ran over to her friend.
“How did you get here, Abby?” She asked.
“Hi Miaka. How did I get here? Oh well I…”
She paused.
“Um…where is here?”
“Miaka what are you doing? You can’t just run off like that.” Tamahome said catching up to her.
“Sorry Tamahome. This is my friend, Abby.”
“Nice to meet you.”
“You’re from Miaka’s world?” He asked.
“What do you mean ‘her world’?” The girl asked.
“Um…this is a different world from the one we were just in.”
The blonde looked at her friend confusion clear in her blue eyes.
“I’ll explain later. Come on. Let’s go back to the palace.”
“Palace?” Abby asked as she followed Miaka.
Soon they walked through a pair of large doors into a palace.
“Ah, Miaka you’re back.” Said a man sitting on a throne.
“Hotohori, this is my friend. She’s from my world too.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Hotohori. My name is Abby.”
“Hello Abby. I am Hotohori, Emperor of Hong-Nan. You too come from another world?”
“Um…Yes? What do you mean by another world?”
Miaka then explained about the world of The Universe of the Four Gods. Her friend paid very close attention as to not miss any important details.
“So now we have to go and find the other warriors.” Miaka said finishing her explanation.
Her friend was silent for a moment thinking everything over.
“Miaka…I’m coming with you.”
“What?” Asked Miaka and her two celestial warriors.
“I said I’m coming with you. I can’t just let a friend walk off into uncertain doom, now can I?”
Abby smiled.
“Who is this?” Asked a woman.
“Nuriko, this is Abby. She’s a friend from my world.” Miaka said.
“I’m pleased to meet you.” The blonde said.
“He is another warrior of Suzaku.”
Abby looked shocked for a moment but quickly recovered.
“She wants to come with us while we search.” The priestess explained.
“What good can she do?” Tamahome asked. “She’s just a girl. She couldn’t help she’d just cause more trouble.”
“What…did you…just say?!” Abby said in a dangerous tone.
Tamahome looked at her dumbfounded. Before he could blink, she turned to face him looking extremely angry.
“Do you have a problem with me? Do you think there is something wrong with me because I’m a girl? Say it to my face! Come on, say it. Tell me what your problem is. If you’re going to say something about me, say it to my face.” She said while slowly advancing on him.
“Um…I said that you’ll probably cause more problems for us.”
“Oh. Really? Is that what you really think? Well I’ve got news for you. I could kick your a** anytime of the week. Just because I’m a girl does not mean I can’t or won’t hurt you.”
“Hurt me? I’m twice your size.”
This only made the girl angrier.
“ARE YOU SAYING THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY HEIGHT?!?!? THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING SHORT!! You know what? Fine. Let’s go. Right here, right now.”
“What?” He asked.
“You and me. Let’s fight.’
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Come on. I’ll go easy on you.”
“I would have to go easy on you.”
“Then come on.”
He still refused to fight. Abby, still ticked off from his earlier comments, punched him squarely in the jaw.
“Ow! That hurt!” He said.
“Aw, I’m sorry. Is the big tough man afraid to get beat up by a girl half his size?” The young girl teased getting into her fighting stance.
“Fine. I’ll fight you. I promise to go easy on you.” He said getting into his fighting stance.
He went to hit her and she dogged easily coming back to kick him in the chest.
“How’s that for a shorty?” She asked.
She dogged a kick from him and punched him hard in the stomach.
“How’s that for a girl?”
Tamahome looked scared and began running.
“Get back here you f***ing coward!”
She took off after him at full speed. The others simply stared after them wondering whether or not they should stop the young girl. While chasing the boy who had pissed her off, she stopped dead in her tracks.
“Wait a second.” she thought. “What’s today?”
Abby pulled out her cell phone and checked her calendar.
“s**t. It’s Saturday.”
She put her phone away and stood there a moment.
“Miaka!” She called and ran back to her friend.
“What is it Abby?” She asked.
“Um…how do we get back? I just remembered I’m suppose to be somewhere in about five minutes.”
“Um…I’m not sure.”
“….Okay then. Well, I’ll see you later. Tell Tamahome I’ll kill him later.”
With that Abby took off again. She went into a deserted alley way.
“Okay, Abby, now think. How do you get to another world? Oh I remember!” She thought.
She checked the alley way to make sure no one could see her. She focused on where she wanted to go and disappeared.
PostPosted: Sat Mar 31, 2007 10:42 am


Please space out your paragraphs. Walls of text are annoying to read. It takes a lot of concentration to read the fic which makes it less enjoyable to read.

On another note, your actions and descriptions are minimal. I suggest adding details to it, and I don't mean only descriptions of a character's appearance. What are they thinking? What does their environment look like? How are they doing something?

Moving onto grammar, I noticed that sometimes you end a sentence with a punctuation and for some you don't.

Chibi Envy Chan
Captain

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