Welcome to Gaia! ::

My advice? Don't date.

The whole view surrounding dating has changed far too much for our time, and it is just a title to give two people an excuse to mess around with each other. Honestly, the purpose of dating is marriage. Now, can you see yourself marrying either of these guys? Asking myself that has, many a time, turned me right off. People always come back with 'well, we're not serious about it, we just want to have fun.' That right there is a huge, flashing red light to me. It says 'danger'. Why? Because that opens the door for all kinds of temptation.

I dated a guy in my grade 12 year. I regret it. He's a nice guy and all, we still talk (occasionally) and we don't hate each other or anything, but I cannot even begin to express the amount of heartache I suffered after he ended it. Now, that might be due to my personality type, however girls are wired a little more emotionally than guys are. I honestly thought that maybe there was a future for us, and I think he did at one point too. However things happened and his own issues got in the way, but that's not important. He was my frist boyfriend, and I wish now more than ever that I had held out. It's not like anything happened, we barely even kissed. It just wasn't like that. But emotionally it destroyed me, in the end.

I struggled with that damage for nine months. I'm not saying that every relationship ends like that, however I still think it's good to wait. Relying on God does wonders, despite the fact that we try to downplay it. I agree that everyone comes into our lives for a reason, but I don't think that we have to go dating all the guys that come. I recently met this amazing, Christian guy who seems to have all his morals in the right place. He's not afraid to worship with everything, he's nice, he's smart, he's got a future. Now, I asked God why I couldn't have him. He's not in a relationship, as far as I know, and I could have worked it into my head that he came into my life because he was 'the one'. Like, I can't say enough good things about this guy. Somehow I don't think it's going to happen.

Also, the Bible says to not be 'unequally yolked'. A yolk is the piece of wood that goes across the chest of an animal that is pulling a plow. The picture here is that two oxen or two horses can pull a yolk, because they are the same height, build, etc. However an ox and a horse cannot, because it all becomes unequal. I didn't used to think that dating a non-Christian was okay, but I have different ideas now. Relationships like that can be hard and very painful, let alone the fact that one can be pulled away. 'But I'm a strong Christian! I'm dating so that they'll come to know Christ through me!' Missionary dating doesn't work. I say, get them saved, then date them. Of course, they have to do it for themselves, not for you. If they don't get saved, then they aren't the one. I do not believe that God would put us in a relationship that would cause us pain.

Relationships are supposed to build you up, be it frienship or more. I also have a thing against praying with your partner that is not your spouse (under certain circumstances), for a bunch of reasons, but it's rather irrelevant at this point. I would want my husband to be a spiritual warrior along side me. When I am hard pressed, I would want to feel safe in knowing that he is praying for me. Same with my boyfriend. I want to go to him when I feel like crap, and I want him to take it with spiritual insight. A non-Christian can't do that.

I know it's a lot, and probably not what you wanted to hear, but from my own personal experience and what I've seen others go through, I'd say wait. I've also known people who've started dating at 13 and gotten married...but it doesn't always work out like that. The best thing is honestly just to pray about it. God does talk back, if we're listening.

You have a number of issues that can really be answered with 2 things: God and His Word.

First, you're mother has banned dating, you should honor your mother, whether you believe it right now or not, she really is wise. She has been young before and is only looking out for you. God tells us to seek wisdom from others, consider their counsel, and honor our parents, so that would answer your questions about which guy - none (or neither as the case may be) biggrin

Second, Don't stay with the guy that you are not happy with. This isn't fair to you or him. He's actions do not show any fruits of the Spirit (Galatians), therefore he really isn't a practicing Christian. God tells us we will know each other by our fruits, to read and put the Word of God into our hearts, and to have self-control - so that would answer your question about him - dump him. sad I know this will be hard and probably painful, but you will be rewarded in the long run.

Third, I dated a guy in high school that was not a Christian, the temptations got to be too much and I gave in, then I felt like I had to stay with him. We dated for 3 years before we married, we were married 1 week short of a year. Honestly, your current boyfriend sounds a lot like him. God tells us not to be unequally yoked, not to 'hang out' with non-Christians, and that those we hang out with will change who we are if we are not careful - so that would answer your question about the other guy - don't date him. You can influence him by how you live, spend some time, not alot, with him and maybe one day he will turn his life over to God, but until then, don't date him.

You really have all your answers right in God's Word. You know in your heart what is right and what is wrong. Follow God's way and all things will work together for your good!

God IS blessing!

PS To avoid future questions like this, think about what you want in a guy, actually, a husband. List them on an index card. When you meet someone, check your checklist - if he doesn't meet at least 80% of your list, don't date him. Use God's Word to find qualities that you want, this will serve two purposes, a Date or Don't Date Checklist, and a Christian or Non-Christian checklist.

I'm gonna try to keep this short and sweet. Dating non-believers is risky. It's better to wait and pray for him to obtain salvation BEFORE you get in to a relationship...Ask God to give you wisdom in this situation and be patient. And if you don't like the guy your with now, then move on...its as simple as that!