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 Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2007 6:45 am
Oh why, do you feel this way?
Can you find the words to explain?
Tell me ,tell me please
I'm begging on my knees
Asking for you to believe in me
Have I hurt you?
Tell me what I didn't do
Oh give me one more try
And I 'll promise a clearer sky
Right now, I want to cry
Will you ever forgive me?
Or would rather see me leave?
*i wrote this for my boyfriend's mom*
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Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2007 8:55 pm
I'm not so very good at critiquing poetry but . . .
It could use an edit as far as punctuation goes. I think there are a couple commas where there aught not be and a few nothings where there should be punctuation of some sort. Your last line seems to need another word like:
Or would you rather see me leave.
I may just be nosy . . . but your boyfriends mom?
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Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 1:38 pm
Nice expression, but usually those of old enough age to be parents are probably stuck in their ways.
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